I love watching people and wondering about their life. Where are they coming from and where are they going to? What pain have they experienced and what happiness have they known? I am also always reminded of a Turkish woman I met called Hatica.
Her life could not be any more different than mine. I am tied to the internet and all that revolves around it while she is a home-maker, mother and grandmother. She takes her role seriously and gets a lot of satisfaction from it.
She happily obliged when I asked her if I could take a photograph. There was one condition though, and that was I sent her a copy of the photograph.
After a short discussion, it transpired that she does not know how to use a computer, never mind have access to one. I asked her to write down her address, so I could send the pictures through the post.
She handed the pen and paper to her friend and then I realized that Hatica could not read or write.
It would be very easy to assume myself as having a better position in life. I take reading and writing for granted, it helps me to earn a living and it allows me to educate myself about the big wide world.
However, I feel a twinge of envy when I think of Hatica. She has taken on the biggest commitment a woman can make and is thoroughly enjoying it. She is dedicating her life to shaping and moulding future citizens of Turkey.
Myself. I run away from commitment in any shape or form. I accept the bare amount of responsibility in life, because I have to. The thought of motherhood makes me cringe with fear and yet Hatica seems to take it all in her stride.
Diverse Roles of Turkish Women
This also brings into light, the diverse culture and two faces of Turkey. I met another Turkish woman that week. Her nails were perfectly manicured; she was sporting the latest fashion and looked like she had just stepped out of the hairdressers. She had no children and was instead concentrating on her career.
Foreign media often portray Turkish women to be repressed and chained to the kitchen sink yet there is no typical stereotype of a Turkish woman. Her background, family, where she was born and where she lives will define who she becomes.
More often than not, it is women who have grown up in the west of Turkey, who will make the choice to defer marrying and becoming a mother till later on in life. However some women from all around the world unbelievably manage to juggle motherhood and career choices with what seems like no effort at all. I salute them.
Further Reading about Turkish women
My Short-lived Membership of the Elite Turkish Housewives Club
No Men Allowed : Ladies Day at the Local Turkish Bath
Education without exceptions! Very true Leon
I like what you wrote and the way you expressed yourself. I agree that I some remote areas of Turkey the mentality has to change so that men realize women’s contribution to all aspects of the society and not only as housewives (maids) breeding machines as you phrased it. My opinion is that the change can be enhanced by women themselves. But a woman that does not know to read and write cannot do anything to help herself no matter how much she would like to change and she cannot rely on her husband’s understanding because men of some age that have grown up this way will not change. Thus, the country has to force all people of Turkey to get at least primary school education without any exceptions. A woman that at least can read and write will have more options to change her life.
The women that I have met from villages who had a job were always doing it because it was a family business. The husband’s son’s or some connection. Point taken on the men as well Sandrine. I become that wrapped up in my own inability to juggle work and family, that I forget about how the men do it as well
I think that is the key Chris. Education provides choices for a woman.
I enjoyed reading this, Natalie.
It’s right about the two faces of Turkey. Having spent time in Alanya and also in eastern Turkey, it’s hard to believe that it’s the same country.
Murat has a brother who had recently went to Alanya for the first time. His face, as he was trying to tell me about the women there showing a lot of flesh, was a picture. He’d never seen anything like that before!
Murat’s mother couldn’t read or write either. I was quite shocked by that. In fact the whole visit was a culture shock.
After living it up in the west I really had my eyes opened when I visited their poor village in the east.
I’m glad that things have changed. There were several grandchildren running around and they were all reading and writing, including the girls. They were also learning a bit of English.
It’s a lovely photo of Hatica. I’m sure she is happy with her life. I still wish she had received some education though.
It’s a beautiful picture! I hope she enjoyed receiving it.
Village life does seem to be very different from city life in Turkey, and definitely differences are marked between east and west. But I wonder whether village women are always defined by their role in the home – when I go to Capadokkia I often see a tractor taking women out to work in the fields or to market. But maybe selling produce counts as homemaking.
Also, I wanted to point out that not only many women, but nearly all men manage to combine parenting and work! 🙂
Thanks for that Susan. I will check it out.
There is a great daily programme in Istanbul that gets you to see people like Hatica everyday. You guys should check it out, it’s called The Other Tour and it’s highly recommended!
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g293974-d2073918-Reviews-Magnaura_Tours_The_Other_Tour-Istanbul.html
Hatica has a face full of character – a salute to mothers all over the world
@Dalene – Hi Dalene, Hatica has the marvellous knack of really getting you thinking about your own life and I do wonder what would of happened with her if she had been born in my circumstances and lifestyle.
@Sarah. I have to admire anyone who is a mother. The ones that can love, smile and revel in it just make me stand there in awe.
Love this post, very inspiring and touching. There are so many woman out there that dedicating their life to family and their children. Their happiness & success is all around it. Of course our mother as well : )
Wonderful post Natalie, punctuated by that beautiful portrait. The juxtaposition of women around the world is something that really fascinates me. And the way you’ve presented it is important – that neither position (as a mother or not) is right or wrong. It just is. Whether or not someone like Hatica would have chosen different for herself if given the opportunity, is a whole other question…
Hi Liz, Thanks, I was going to leave the colour in the photo but then thought the black and white emphasised the post more.
Very powerful post! That photo seems so old-fashioned (partly because it’s in B&W) yet it’s in modern times, wow.
Well yes, there is that to think about as well Jan. For all our worldly possessions, does it make us any more happier than the people in life who have the basics? Tough question with not one answer I think.
Completely agree Nat! I was a horrible kid too so she gets extra points!
Yes I think many mothers have that feeling, its crazy. How giving life and looking after another human being can be overlooked by them is nuts.
Just returned from Didim and reflecting on your post. When I’m out there I spend any free time on the balcony watching the lady tending her sheep on the patch of grass opposite my apartment and the contrast to our lives. On the face of it her life seems so hard but she never looks stressed or worried, smiles and chats to everyone passing by and I sometimes wonder who’s life really is hard – mine with the 40+ hours I work in a stressful NHS job, worries about my Mum’s health, my daughters future etc etc etc oh for a more simple life or is that just wishful thinking!
Hi Anthony. Good to see you on my blog and sad to hear that your mum feels that way. Mind you, I think a lot of mothers are hard on themselves. My mum sometimes has a lack of confidence and I just have to say to her that I have an awesome life and it is all thanks to her and my dad.
I love people watching too, although I bet most of my predictions are massively inaccurate haha.
Great post and photo-very philosophical. My mam is quite insecure and thinks she hasn’t done much with her life which is a shame because I think she’s did a pretty awesome job in my eyes!
Hi Jim, I am actually looking more into women and education in Turkey at the moment. Apparently there is still a high rate of illiteracy in some areas. I also think though that having the choice is not just dependent on their education.
Even if they do get educated, there are some family cultures in certain areas where the women is just bought up to be a home maker and baby making machine.It is about changing these views as well so the women can choose freely, without conflict as to whether to head in the path of motherhood or abstain from it permanently or till a later period.
I think the point Ed makes about choices is so relevant. And to create those choices, education is the key. With no ability to read or write, women’s choices in many countries are solely limited to mother and housewife. So we sponsor children, hoping the education they can then afford will open opportunities like teaching or nursing choices to them.
@Caz. Women that are able to have a career and bring up children get my full respect. I imagine motherhood to be a full-time, hard job and admire mothers who still find energy and time for other things. My mum brang up three children while working and I sometimes wonder how she did it.
@Hi Ed, Hatica does make you feel humble. She can not read or write and does not have the material aspects in life but still revels in the joy that her children and family bring her.
@Phil and Di. Yes, I did wonder myself that if Hatica learned to read and write now, would her life change?
@Heather and Ian. Thanks for stopping by and glad you liked the post. Looking forward to seeing you in May.
Fabulous post Natalie, so wonderfully put & just shows that in today’s modern world that the materialistic beings we’ve become fades into insignificance & that all that really matters is our health & our close ones.
Ian x
Hi Natalie,
love this story, very humbling, & the picture is beautiful. Perfect in black and white.
Ian & I will be in Altinkum at the end of May for a week, so see you then.
Heather & Ian
xx
nice read it show’s the different path’s a woman can take in life Hatica looks happy with her lot in life so who am i to say she’s wrong
i cant help thinking her life would be improved if she could read and write there a big wild world out there to explore
I love this story. Very inspiring and shows the reality of life nowadays. Compared to before, there weren’t as many choices. This is a very inspiring story, Natalie. It humbles ourselves to these people who dedicate their lives for others. 😀
Great post. I love the photo of Hatica. I was very similar to you, always on the move and fearing having kids and “settling down” I think because society leads you to believe once you have kids your life is over.
I can’t say I’ve ever had a burning desire to be a mum, and I know that is not what I ever want to dedicate my life to solely be.
Despite all this, I discovered that once you have a child all that fear just melts away and its replaced by total joy and a love you never thought would have exist. This is what gets you through the challenging times and helps you to see that being a mother is the most natural thing in the world and something that you can manage and be great at doing- as well as living your own dreams.
I could never have any more than two kids though, and I don’t know how those that do survive.