Ramadan is a religious period of time that tests the strength, determination and goodwill of Muslim men and women all over the land. Mortal souls that follow the religion of Islam put themselves through the ultimate endurance test by abstaining from food, drink and intimate contact during the hours of daylight.
The rays of the hot sun beat down on their tired bodies making their brows drip fiercely with sweat as they try to go about the mundane routines of day to day living. Their dry throats desperately need a glass of ice -cold water and they try to ignore the growling hunger pains that are lingering in their empty bellies.
They do not give into the temptation of pleasure for the body until the sun disappears and the skies are dark. Their minds are focused on pure thoughts, self-discipline and empathy for those in poverty who have no choice but to live like this, every day of their lives.
About Ramadan in Turkey
The Turks are not vocal about their choice to fast. They complete it with dignity and a silence that builds a wall around them, keeping them safe from impure thoughts, words and actions. To gain an understanding of this practice that is accused by some of being outdated and unhealthy, you would have to wake before the hours of dawn or live with someone who views Ramadan as his opportunity to get closer to the Almighty.
It is actually known as Ramazan in Turkey but that makes little difference as to what happens in one of the most important events in the Islamic calendar.
Ramadan and Fasting : The Dilemma
Ramadan is not a set calendar date. It comes early every year by ten days. The result is that recently, it has fallen within one of the hottest months of the year. In the coastal resorts, many Turks work in restaurants and this is one of the busiest months when they will cater for hundreds of hungry tourists that are eager to consume English breakfasts, hamburgers for lunch and juicy steaks for dinner.
This is not the winter months when the hours of daylight are shorter and very few tourists trickle through the door of the restaurant. This is different, the stakes are higher and the goal posts have moved.
Workers have the choice to abstain, offering money to charities instead as a penance for not completing the fast. However most will attempt to fast, because they have done it every year since the transformation from a boy to a man, or a girl to a woman. The ability to undergo this test of strength is firmly ingrained into their characters and lifestyle.
The Side Effects of Fasting
I love people-watching and can spot instantly when the side effects of fasting start to take place. Fatigue is one of them and this in turn lead to bad moods and long periods of silence.
Next Comes The Bad Breath
After spending eleven years in Turkey, I can normally spot someone who is fasting after speaking a couple of words with them because 99.9% of the time they will have bad breath.
What can you do?
Nothing, it is more polite just to ignore it.
The Lost Friendship
Not all Turks will spend the month fasting. It is a personal decision which sees no consequences if they don’t. Over the years though, I have noticed that some Turks who are not fasting seem to be more vocal about Ramadan than the Turks that simply want to keep their heads down and complete this period of reflection without drama.
One close Turkish friend who is an atheist decided to launch unexpectedly into a serious ranting and raving session about the stupidity of Ramadan and the damage that can be caused to people’s health.
Considering that Ramadan had no effect on her life what so ever, I was rather bemused by her words and intrigued as to what had caused this sudden outburst. I never discovered as the conversation was cut short when she overstepped the mark in order to justify her hatred of Islam.
Why Don’t I take Part in Ramadan?
The conversation this year was the same as it is every year. I get asked if I will be “holding the fast ” and my answer is no. I have been there and tried it but my soul and mind is one of the weaker kinds when temptation will take over in the darkest moment.
I am not strong willed when it comes to abstaining from alcohol and nicotine, so abstaining from food and drink would turn me into a nervous wreck.
The month of Ramadan is not an easy task and I fully admit that I have neither the strength nor dedication to do it. Instead I make conscious efforts to support those who do fast by avoiding reference to food, drink or personal contact within the hours of daylight.
I lived in Bahrain for a year and decided, in spite of my hypoglycemia, to fast during Ramadan. It was definitely a difficult experience, but I found it to be very rewarding in the long run. My hypoglycemia also cleared up for a while thereafter. Fasting also made it easier for me to relate to my students who were all fasting for Ramadan.
I agree – Thankfulness is important Lykian. Sometimes in this materialistic world, we forget that we already have everything we need to survive and instead hamper after materialistic things that we think will make us happy. The result is constant craving instead of contentment in the present
Thanks for this great post Natalie. Fasting is a very challenging thing in this long daytimes. First few days, it’s hard to stay away from food and drink. But human body has a great mechanism which allows it to adjust the new situation. After 10 days, fasting does not affect the daily life at all. When the month Ramadan finishes, you don’t even remember you have to have meal as probably the stomach gets smaller 🙂
We have choice to eat or not to eat till a certain time at the evening. Fasting remind us how to be hungry and allows us to emphatize with others who do not have choice to eat or not, such as children in Africa. Fasting makes people more sensitive about sharing what they have and more thankful to God for giving all these foods in the nature.
Fasting can be a memorable experience – but not when fasting just during daylight hours. If you do a serious fast and completely stop eating it is an amazing experience. The first 3-4 days are n incessant battle between your will and the ego voice within. The little voice is constantly nagging to be fed and as the the days pass it becomes more of a shouting match. It wants the body fed and will continually bring up reasons why not eating is either crazy or dangerous. But then after passing through those 3-4 days it is like entering the eye of a storm. You suddenly have tremendous clarity and an abundance of energy. I went 16 days without food and finally ate on the 17th day when I decided that I had experienced a great deal of the benefits of the fast. To a large extent it is about quieting the inner voice and realizing there are 2 minds within you. One is the ego mind and the other is the better of the two.
Hi George, I have never come across an eating place that is closed. This will probably be different if you venture off the beaten track into the remote villages and places but in the coastal resorts life carries on much as normal.
Hi Natalie,
Im planning a holiday to Turkey in July along with a frined, please let me know if eating shops are opened during Ramadan. I heard that eating places are not closed.
thanks
george
Getting married so young is or should be a personal choice. There are also many difficulties to overcome when a partner is from a different background and culture. Discussion before jumping into the frying pan would be a most important thing to do and making a list of issues. I am married 36 years to my Turkish husband and luckily he is an atheist. I spoke very honestly to him before I married about things that might affect our relationship and it has worked out well. The main thing I have noticed in relationships that start to go wrong is the green eyed monster- Jealousy and also interference from families! So good luck with making the right decision.
Hi Natalie
Thank you I really enjoy reading your blog. This one was really interesting. I’ve been holidaying in Turkey for 20 years and have owned an apartment there for the past 10 years. We love Turkey and their people who are always so welcoming and friendly. We now have many good Turkish friends.
We too have been there during Ramazan and I totally admire the dedication of the ones who are able to fast and work during such hot weather.
I actually worked with a muslim Nigerian girl who loved Ramazan especially when she still lived at home in Nigeria. She said that her parents,brothers and sisters were all professional people who lived busy lives and ate at different times. During Ramadan they all ate together and she loved this aspect of the family spending time together that normally they don’t have time to do.
Keep the blogs going. Thanks x
That was a very beautiful article Natalie. Very well written and insightful. I don’t believe anymore either…not sure if I should be called an “atheist”, I guess I should..in any case, not only I don’t offend and insult people who believe but on the contrary, I somehow admire them for their faith..mine is long gone. The fact that you don’t agree with someone, even if you think he’s “stupid”, doesn’t justify you to offend him or her , it only shows you grew up without being taught manners and respect.
As for the fasting itself, I guess it could be dangerous for me since I suffer from some minor but constant health problems like low blood pressure, my thyroid not working well and a heart problem included so the only thing I’d like people that fast to do for the sake of their health (and as time passes by even more, none of us is getting any younger 🙂 ) is to have a typical check up to their doctor before they start fasting just to be 100% that there is nothing that could turn fasting into a dangerous health problem.
Blessed Ramazan to all of you.
Hi Sheila, it is a weird time for us when we are looking in, towards someone who is fasting but we can only stand by and watch really. Glad you like the blog. Many more articles to come.
Thanks for a great read Natalie, I can understand Ramadan much clearer now. I used to try to persuade my friend Salih to take a drink of water and even our gateman Ozman but both of them stuck to their guns and refused. Now I will not put temptation in their way and I will respect their way of life. Keep up the blogs, they are so informative and very interesting. xoxo
again, thank you so much..i really appreciate your answers..you and your posts have been so helpful to me..:) and i wish you and your husband more happiness and luck in your marriage too.
Hi Althea. It is not unusual here for a girl to get married when she is 18 or 20. On the other hand, I also know many Turkish women who have married around the age of 25. I married my Turkish Hubby when I was 30. There are different beliefs regarding the right age to marry depending on which community they came from. The most important thing in the aspect of marriage is not to do what tradition dictates but only marry when both of you feel ready. My personal belief that has nothing to do with tradition is that 18 and 20 is too young for a girl to get married and have babies.
oh, that was supposed to be 22 not 2..:))
i see.wow..i admire you for that..and i think it would be the same for me if ever i do convert, i find it difficult to get alcohol out of my system..but anyway, i appreciate your thoughts..:)
and if it’s okay, i’d also like to share another concern..just recently, we argued about marriage..he was telling me he wants to marry me and i said it’s too early right now (i’m 18 and he is 2)..so he said yes that he will wait for me until i’m 20..then i told him 20 is also still early for me..i mean i’ve always thought of marrying at around 25 or 30..then he said that’s too old and was saying something about having children, etc.then i said no and he said otherwise and the argument goes on..so i’m just wondering how marriage is in Turkey..in a sense that at what age do they think it is appropriate to marry (for both men and women)..
thanks so much again..
Hi Althea, Yes i converted to Islam however have to admit that I am terrible at following it. I don’t pray and regularly consume alcohol but it is my battle within.
To overcome religious differences in a relationship means that both partners have to be willing to give and take. You need to meet in the middle and not one of you can do all the giving. Ask questions to your man about aspects of his life that you are not sure of or don’t understand.
It also depends on how religious your man is as to how much it will affect your relationship. Also don’t confuse culture and religion as they are too different things.
i really find this post helpful and interesting..i’ve been starting a relationship with a turkish man just recently and i have been wondering how to work out the religious differences..if you wouldn’t mind, i’d like to know if you converted to Islam..and yea, just some thoughts on overcoming the religious differences..thank you!
Hi Lisa, Glad you like my blog and glad to see that you have left comments as well. Don’t feel silly about trying to re-arrange your schedule. Without prior knowledge of what Ramazan is like in Turkey, then it is easy to assume the worst. Now you have experienced it, you can relax in years to come.
Natalie, I have to say, I really love your blog. I just found it last night and can’t stay away.
I was really worried about going to Turkey during Ramazan because I don’t fast. We were in Turkey during the beginning of Ramazan in August 2010. Except for the commercials on TV and the delicious Ramazan pide available, I didn’t notice a lot that was different. I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to eat on our terrace during the day and that everyone would be really grumpy, but I saw vendors eating at the pazar and a lot of our neighbors were still out eating breakfast on their terraces. Now I feel silly that I was trying to arrange our schedule to avoid Ramazan.
It is quite interesting to watch the whole event from the outside Theodora. Makes you realise that not everyone is the same
This is an interesting post, Natalie. Travelling in SE Asia during Ramadan, we see many of the positives — the joyous breaking of the fast (iftar), the bazaars which open to facilitate this, the sense of celebration and family togetherness as everyone breaks fast together. But I think it is easier here as the days are much, much shorter than in Turkey — let alone the MidEast – at this time of eyar.
Hi Mica, Your last sentence is so true. Supporting people instead of criticizing can lead us to become better people inside.
I’ve just discovered your blog and I must say this is an awesome and personally honest post. We have been traveling here in SE Asia during this month of Ramadan and I must say I admire all those who can fast, I am also one of the weaker ones and I know I couldn’t do it. But, I also respect those who do. I bet that woman who made that nasty comment about your husband had no idea she’d be loosing a good friend. Good for you for supporting your husband, and realizing that there are always challenges in that support but making the best of situations is what always helps to become better people.
Hi Nancie, Yes, I think that if I was going to give up anything it should be the beer and cigarettes first!
Interesting and insightful post. I certainly admire you for knowing yourself well to know that this is not for you, and not allowing to try and sway your decision.
Hi Sherry, There are some muslims scholars that insist it is good for the body to fast. Seems that is a subject that is divided.
They seem to do it more for purity of mind though and and I can understand. In this day and age, it is far too easy to let anger, jealousy, malice rule our thoughts. There is of course the need to remember the people that have no choice to fast. The downside is that life is not how it was thousands of years ago, and fasting in the current century is definitely an inner battle.
I never understood the rationale for fasting in any religion. Historically, I can see why people would believe it would be okay. But at this day and age, we know its not good for us and causes us to be ineffective during the day, especially, as you stated during this time of the year. Not to mention its simply bad for our health, particularly the not drinking part. Maybe I simply don’t understand the faith. I’m glad to see you’ve made your own choices, however, and even more glad that the Turks seems to be accepting of it.
Lisa – I admire them as well. They can sit there in the presence of people who are fasting and not bat an eyelid.
I’ve got some Muslim friends who are fasting right now and must say that I admire them for it. It can’t be easy this time of year.
I like this post because it gives us, the readers, an inside look at what it’s like to be married to someone fasting during Ramadan in Turkey. I think it’s great, by the way, that you tried it and that you support your husband the way you do. Thanks for sharing this…
@Louise – Thanks for taking the time to comment. Well done for doing the fast. It takes a lot of dedication.
@Levent – Thank you so much
@Alan – That sums it up Alan. It is a personal choice and nothing else.
@Jack – One way respect never turns out to be a good thing jack – Two way respect is certainly the best way to go about life.
A great post for people who want to know a little more about the meaning of Ramadan. Personally, I’m not religious but always try to respect the faith of others. All I ask in return is respect for my position. On the whole, I’ve found Turks to be moderate in their religious convictions and tolerant towards others. Enjoy the sugar holiday!
Why, is a personal choice.
Respect is a personal choice, as well.
Power to both your elbows.
I’m deeply impressed by your modesty Natalie and your very tolerant view and life style.
Outsider? Definitely not, I’d say.
My best wishes to you and to your husband.
Hi Natalie, a great blog you have got here and very well written. I am fasting at the moment and have done for the last couple of years (since converting to islam). Just because we are muslim it is our choice if we decide to fast or not, it’s a personal thing between you and allah. Yes you get hungry and yes you get extremely thirsty in the day but it also gives you an insight in to the lives of people who have to live like that day in day out – they have no choice but to live like that.
This year though I am having a problem of eating late at night (nearing to 9pm) and then waking up at 3am to get ready to start fasting again – just don’t want to eat anything because you are still full from the previous meal, this has been the hardest for me this year.
It is definitely a test of character Julia. Something I could not do myself
That’s some determination from your husband, Natalie. We have two friends who I have never known to skip out on the fasting but this year, they both decided not to do it. One of them works in a cafe and said he could either not fast and serve the customers or do the fast and growl at the customers. 🙂
Julia
Hi Yellow Flower. It is indeed a personal time and if loved ones that are not fasting can support at the same time, then it is even better. I could never complete it myself but can not understand those who do not complete it and bad mouth it at the same time. I would love to analyse their line of thinking even further.
Thanks Natalie, for a wondeful insightful and candid post. I believe Ramadan is personal time, and there is no need for those who don’t believe in it to badmout h it, besides fasting has been shown to have many health benefits.