Turkish Men & Your Holiday Romance

Readers : I wrote this post over three years ago. All of it still applies and I stand by what I have written. However you may also be interested in my latest post regarding Turkish men called “My Turkish Love Letter” (November 2013)

Turkish Men and Holiday Romances

Turkish Men are once again causing heartache all over the globe. Every year, thousands of foreign women enter Turkey and strike up a holiday romance. For some, the holiday romance does not work out and they move on. Others however can not accept the holiday romance for what it was. They join Turkish Love Rats and make it the  focus of their Facebook page. They start free blogs  slating off every Turkish man they know and then join numerous amounts of forums to declare to the world that all Turkish men are sleazeballs and should never be trusted.

So when thinking about Turkish men, I type this post in despair.  From today, I am sending out a strong message to all women travelers or tourists. Do not get involved in a holiday romance with a Turkish man simply because you can not handle it. I don’t want to read your blog, like your Facebook page or meet you on a forum. Stereotyping the whole male race of a nation simply because of your failed holiday romance is OTT and on the verge of bunny boiling.

The fact is that there are plenty of mixed relationships between Turkish men and foreign women that work perfectly well. I can  however tell you the top three reasons why a holiday romance did not work out.

1 – You live in two different countries. Now, it does not take a rocket scientist to work out that when you live in two different countries, the odds are stacked against you. Any man can have an affair even if he lives in the same house as you, so why do you think he is going to be honest when he lives in a different country?

If you are dating one of the many Turkish men who break women’s hearts, then don’t call him the love of your life when you live in two different countries. It is what it is, a holiday romance, even if you return six times a year to see him. If you both want to take the romance further, then one of you has to move countries.

2 – There are two different cultures joining here. Unfortunately most of the relationships that I have seen fail,  is because the women wants to keep 100% of her culture and the Turkish man wants to keep 100% of his Turkish culture. For it to work, both of you has to meet in the middle and give something up. Yes, his mother will always come before you, get over it! As for him, he has to accept that you do and always will eat pork.

turkish man

3 -  If you can not spot a sleazeball then your life skills really need tuning up. Remember, that a lot of girls let their hair down on holiday and are somewhat more trusting then they are in their hometowns. Some of the signs that he is a sleazeball are

-           He tells you that he loves you when you are older than his mother

-           He asks you for money.

-           He makes a move on you in the first night.

-           He introduces you as a friend

-           He hides you from his friends

-          He runs away to the toilet when his phone rings

If you want to visit  Turkey and fall in love with a Turkish man, then be prepared for a life changing experience.  If it works out, then I am happy for you, if it does not work out,  then please publish tales of your failed holiday romance  with Turkish men somewhere else than the internet.

Turkish Men

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Natalie

Hi. My name is Natalie Sayin and I am the author of The Turkish Travel Blog. I am an eccentric,Internet addict with a passion for history. I really shouldn't travel because I can not read maps and always lose my way! But hey, that never stops me and it is part of the fun! Leave a comment below to join the discussions.
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Comments

  1. says

    Great post! Sounds true for vacation romance no matter what country. I’m a bit of a romantic though and do think that sometimes love really can be found in a faraway land, but it takes extra care and the knowledge that it will be more difficult than a romance back home.

    And I agree, if it doesn’t work, don’t blame the entire country / race… that just makes me shudder when I read things like that!

    • Trinket says

      Yes , I’m married to a turk.. I believe they all have bi-polar. They are moody and selfish.. Everyone says they are good people .. Ha try being american and christian and being with a muslim turk… First there family has to approve then you have to go to there country and try to get there approval. GOOD LUCK…because your not turkish or muslim. But ladies if he gets you pregnat ..Game over.. And don’t gain weight because arabic men cheat…

      • LOLA says

        totally agree with you i’m married to one and i’m scottish and he is controlling and selfish, dont get me wrong he had a lovely side but a very quick temper.

        • sweetlittleme says

          Hi I agree with the controlling nature they have I was married to one I am english and my husband beat me slept with other women and then beat me every time he did, and then accused me of destroying his honor when really he did not know the meaning of the word, however saying that I am not so shallow that I think they are all the same, my friend is married to a Turkish man and he worships the ground she walks on as does she him …he is in the uk and works for a living they work very hard at making there relationship work and he would not dream of hurting her,.in-fact if it had not been for my friend and her husband who apologised for what my husband turned out to be I would still be in Turkey now being beaten, kicked punched and bitten, and forced to have …..well need I say more by my ex husband I would only say to anyone that is either dating or intending to marry someone from Turkey be very careful who they are and what there real intentions are my husband never asked me for money but, most of them are my husband was just an angry person who beat me for anything he was having a bad day over much the same as his father did to his Mother, do not trust that there families are poor or that there mothers or fathers are terminally ill or they do not have one bread to live on, or that there previous girlfriend died of cancer or in a car crash they are taught all of these things sad stories from a very early age how to manipulate and get what they can from women or men from other countries. one last thing beware of Dogan Duman he is looking for a way to come to the united Kingdom yes that is what mine wanted he has some very serious issues he is an internet predator and dangerous in real life he put me into hospital in turkey 3 times in Alanya to be precise so ladies and gentleman yes and men you are in an equal amount of danger as the women ….take care everyone ….sorry if this a little all over the place but i still get very upset how close I came to never seeing my family and friends ever again …….thank you to my friends Margaret and Suat and Pia and Memhet from the happy viking restaurant Alanya and two very good friends from Norway Toini and Solvi who hid me in Norway for 3 months all these people helped me get out of Turkey to be safe once again the moral to this story be vigilant and take great care who you end up with they love and thrive off low self esteem and a sucker for a sad story
          Good Luck in your endeavors and stay safe

          • pisces girl says

            Your story made me cry, because I know how you feel, but thank god I didn’t meet with this man in Istanbul. He was nice to me when we met online, but I’m glad I used my head, and decided to get to know him first. I was single for 5 years, and had kids. This Turkish man was way older than me, and he told me he couldn’t have kids, and he was happy that I had kids, because he love them. We use to Skype a lot, and one-day he wanted to meet my kids. My two boys was gone with their father, but my little girl, well she’s a mommy’s baby..lol, she stayed with me. So I introduced my daughter to him, and my daughter looked at him, and she pulled me up, and pulled me to the side, and told me that he look crazy. I said, What!! She said yes mother he look like a killer. I laugh it off, and told her to watch cartoons. So I went back to my computer, and sat down, then I looked at him for a second time closely, and saw what my daughter was talking about.. he did look a little off, like there was something wrong with him. So he kept asking me when will I come to Istanbul. I told him that i have to get to know him first, I saw he got a little angry at me, so I told him that I will talk to him later, ok. Later that day I got a message from another Turkish guy, so we began to chat on skype, we didn’t do video chat, we just chat by writing. the new turk, and I chatted for hours, we didn’t care to see each other, but the conversation was awesome, as soon as we ended our chat, the crazy one video call me. OMG!!!! I answer, he called me all types of b****, whores, etc.. he ask me who I was chatting with, I told him the truth, and OMG!!!! This man told me if he ever see me in Istanbul, he will kill me, and cut my body in small pieces, and put me in a trash bag, and throw me in the ocean. . My daughter was right, and I’m glad she saw him as a monster. I’m so happy that you got out of there safe. God Bless your friends and family, and God Bless you

      • Beth says

        I’ve been married to a Turk, and living in Turkey for 25 years. My experience has been completely different from yours. My husband is the best human I have ever known, an efendi to the core. He is a wonderful father and has stuck with me through life threatening illnesses and encouraged and supported my every endeavor. Our friends, all turkish, are also kind and sophisticated. these are upper class, Istanbul efendis and they are wonderful. My husband^s family are scientists, they tret me s their own daughter, actually better than their own daughter. You reap what you sew, you make your bed and lie in it and all those other cliches.

        • says

          I am a Turk and married to a woman from Norway and there is 17 years old between her and me.. we met on facebook..And ? agree yes sometimes there cultural differencess happening about How to dressing.. not that much actually.. I am always byherside in her sickness and good days. But one thing is important.. really Religion.. I am Christian also. if ? wasnt this would be terrible problem!! because no Muslim likes and wants their wife a Christian.. I know..We can Communiciate with English lang. its not easy but.. we created a funny English language sometimes to communiciate for..I am proudly with her everywhere.. ?MPORTANT TH?NK : ?F YOU CHOOSE YOUNG BOY to marry or etc..he would always look for Adventures. I am 49 my wife 63 .. 14 years ok.. after this age we are just together for happiness and piecefull..Money.. is for JUST happiness for us..I am always working doing ewerything for her.. I am a Turk but.. There has to be real love between you.. and DONT BE HURRY TO MARRY ?f he is young and Muslim.. because when you marry ..also this mean you are marrying with all his other parents..

      • Karen says

        First of all trinket, Turks are not Arabic so don’t understand if you are married to a Turk how you got your men confused unless you are cheating with an Arab…

        • sebnem says

          bad husband/wife applies in every religion nationality. it’s the upbringing and family and culture that count. if there is respect between the two, they can overcome everything.. and if a husband/wife is Turkish, then they are Turkish, NOT an Arab. and that is a insult to Arabs… EACH country has their good and bad, so don’t look at nationality and religion look deeper and sometimes look in the mirror! it’s never a one sided thing

          • Bill H says

            We (my wife and I) firmly believe that:!
            Not all turkish people ( Male or Female) should be ” tarred” with the same brush.
            I have met some fantastic guys (Turkish) who have married English women, and the union has been ” magic”. We have also met or spoken to some females from the U K who have told me some pretty horrific tales about their ” mixed” marriages. I fully understand that this sort of thing does not happen in the U K , every couple have perfect harmony in their relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, yeah, like f… it is…………………………. B4 you ask, I have married the best woman in the UNIVERSE

      • okan says

        Hi Trinket, first of all i would say you had a bad choice unfortunately. Second is lots of Arabics and Kurds are living in Turkey but they are not Turkish. Even Europeans, tourists for short times, less one can understand the differentiations. I shortly and simply advise you and other european girls who want relations with a Turkish man, to try to find out real Turkish Man search for at least bachelor degree from any university. This is the simpliest way to have better chance and choice. To be Christian or Mouslim is not criteria. Hopes and loves again :)

      • KluvsHakan says

        Trinket is exactly right. And I met him here in America, green card in hand…. I’m glad its just not me though….

      • Sonia says

        I saw this blog by accident and had to write my experience.It is really like most here.I met turkish men accidentally.At first I I didn’t even like him-but he was so persistent with sweet AND BIG words and at the end I liked him.Well educated men who had an university degree ,traveled a lot-so i thought that I have a modern man in front of me-he was 43 years old so that was also thing that made him look more serious to me ccc…He said he doesn’t care I am an ortodox christian and that he wants life with me.I went to visit him in Istanbul (ofc. he called me) AND THERE I MET ANOTHER MAN.First night he was very offensive about christian culture and I was in shock ..days after I couldn’t recognize him-like a woman above mentioned HE WAS VERY SELFISH AND MOODY-FORMER CASANOVA WAS GONE! I supposed to stay 10 days -but I got back home after 4 days-It was HUGE stress for me since I traveled long to meet and see him! After that we stayed in conntact for a while but he was never the same.I never understood what happened but this blog helped me a lot.So thank you ladies.And want to warn all women that turkish men say sweet and big words very easy and can be VERY persistent in that! SO be smart and don’t swallow that.Although I really don’t want to generalize all nation- BUT IT’S VERY different than european attitude,AND THE BIGGEST danger is that it can be flatteriing at first-and it’s a trap.Because we’ll think they are warmer and more open than ” cold european men”. But actually those words are bunch of an empty craps.There are exceptions always ofc. BUT STILL BE EXTREMELY careful when it comes with turkish men and their promises and their words. Regards

      • Poor u guys says

        Turkish people is not arabic Different things Its selfish people all over the world in every nations also cheats If you met with wrong person nice going with blaming all turkish people…. NO RACISM

    • Beth says

      Ive been going to turkey for over ten years. I always hear of people saying the turks just want a visa or sex. Most girls dont seem to relise they hand it to them on a plate. If he really is or was attracted to you he would go about it the right way. Not a quicky and then say i love you. He knows you are easy and thinks what else could i get. I get the whole holiday fun thing and thats fine but when they start to say i love you its just a way of saying ” you were easy what else is can i get out of her ” Its true and happens all the time sorry to be so blunt!

      • Keepureyesopenatalltimes says

        To ALL.

        KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

        Watch the hand gestures and eye sight of your woman /man and people around you, she may be a prostitute/cheater or looking for some quick cash. Beware of men lining up pretending to mind their own business… They are waiting for you to look the other way so they can signal your wife or girlfriend.. they want to pay to have sex.. if your cheating wife or girlfriend is a whore, she will flash her fingers in twos as for sex for 200 TL or more, she will wait for you to look the other way and not paying attention so she can give him her phone number or get his. When you see a man rubbing his chin(wants sex), pretend to yawn with his hand index finger touching the thumb and staring at your mate(wants blow job), if shes not interested she will move her chin, lips and forehead up or ignore him. If she is interested, she will pretend to itch rub her cheek(sign for im a prostitute) and or while to pretend fixing or playing with her hair flashes the fingers. Beware if your mate cheats on you doing a quicky, watch for the bathrooms and the time spent in there, if your on the outskirt of a city or village, they will drive out to the desert and park the car or the hotel/house for the longer stuff… Keep your mate with you at all times if your suspicious, don’t make it obvious. If you are firm on your suspicion, I GUARANTY YOU THAT YOUR MATE IS CHEATING ON YOU.
        If your with a non muslim mate, GOOD LUCK. There are good genuine people in Turkey though.

        I myself confirm everything i stated as fact and true. Its just the way it is here in Turkey. Trust my words. I have been suffering 3 years of a suspicious partner in my marriage and it ended all to be true i was a fool the whole time.

        I wish all to have true love..

    • Jenn says

      I met a Turkish man out there and I knew straight from the start it was just holiday fun and would end swiftly, however he lied to me about everything, he said he was single when really he was Engaged to an English woman, I feel so very sorry for his fiancée, also a married man of 10 years made a move on me I believe they are all liars and cheats and I feel very sorry for the women that fall for it all

      • Poor u guys says

        They are all Liersss… ??? No matter how hurt u are Turkey is over 75.000.000 all bad… ??? obs!!!

    • Tracy says

      Now there’s the truth – I learned the hard way after meeting somebody on facebook. Four years later and I can hold my hands up and say I was a FOOL!!!!

    • Gail says

      I have been reading all the stories with interest (and despair in some cases)… Until fairly recently I lived in Turkey for 10 years; I bought and sold a property there, ran my own business for 5 years (and employed many Turkish and Kurdish men) and have seen absolutely everything first hand. I, myself, in the course of that time had long term relationships with 3 men – one was a professional who treated me perfectly and is still a true friend to this day – one a younger Turk and one a slightly younger Kurd and believe me they are all worlds apart from each other.

      I also met the families in their home surroundings, 1st one was from a local high profile family and the other 2 were from the East which enabled me to travel through Turkey extensively over the years and I can safely say that I have experienced every single point raised in all the Comments. For what its worth I would say, from my OWN experiences and those of my friends and even my touristic lady customers, “enter the holiday romance arena at your peril” as nine times out of ten it will end very badly and it some cases tragically with complete UK families being shattered and even children being abandoned for this complete and utter madness that takes over. I have many many regrets and in my case the only one who was hurt was myself – I did however experience a very different life and culture for many years and had some wonderful travel experiences but I was self sufficient and actually moved over there when my marriage in the UK ended and I had my Turkish property to live in and after a time I decided to move into business. There is absolutely nobody who is trustworthy where a foreign WOMAN is concerned and that goes for every category from my Accountant, Lawyer, Council, Estate Agent – need I go on?! I was determined not to be beaten down by them (literally!) so after an endless period of time managed to tie everything up and move back to the UK but please please think what you are doing before entering into any serious relationships – for example – would we consider having a boyfriend who is 15, 20, 30 years younger over here and if so why didn’t we do it and save the hassle of conducting such a long distance relationship? It is, and always will be a “sex tourism” industry and you may say it happens all over the globe but we are specifically talking about Turkey only here and that is the bottom line. In my last Season I sacked my entire staff twice (interestingly they were all Kurdish as they do actually work harder than Turkish) but their attitude towards me as their “boss” and to my female customers was atrocious so it gave me great pleasure in the end to say Gule Gule. I gave it my best shot, took the time to learn the language as it would have been impossible otherwise, and know deep down that this problem will never be stamped out as it takes 2 consenting “adults” to form a relationship so the blame cannot be apportioned to one side only. I know there are some females who come hunting several times a year and I know there are also some very vulnerable and genuine women who come on holiday never thinking that their lives will change forever.

      This is my basic story and if it prevents even one more woman from having to go through a degrading and even dangerous experience then it will be worth it for me. Turkey is a fascinating and interesting country with a wealth of treasures and I will have my memories of adventures with me forever – this is not a case of a woman scorned (I finished my relationships myself for various reasons) so enjoy your holidays, lose sleep over making the decision to move over there permanently as the ultimate decision WILL change your life and stay alert at all times for any Red Flag behaviour, always remember you are a long long way from home/friends and family and you will find that any so called “friends” over there are not keen to get involved when any domestic issues which may arise for you and the men will ALWAYS stick together and never ever act against each other under any circumstances…

    • sweetlittleme says

      Yes ayngelina and it is us who end up with the bump + bruises and cuts, I can respect that you do not know these things, but its not just about different cultures, my friend is with a Turkish man and they are very happy but only because they respect each others cultures, beatings are not about cultures they are about cowards and bullies ………

      • Paula Wales says

        being abused in any country is not funny and its happen here also not just in Turkey and men can be very charming then want to bed and dump you in the morning or when there done and every woman takes a leap of faith that he might feel the same, and be a good man…there is bullies and crowds every where and you as a woman have to know when to say”NO” I had enough …you don’t have to be control and live in fear not every man is the same they just keep doing it until they meet a woman they can not control they can not be bullies and cowards a woman has the charm to control any man she is with and some are just to evil to bad not worth your time of of day and they pick another older woman that is single and so lonely she gets trapped or talked into things she know better but doesn’t realize she can control whats happening your not going to be passed by find the right man not just any man especially the young one that are saying i love you they are out for money sex not love so older women and prepared young and old think before you leap just because your despaired tired and lonely doesn’t mean you settle for the first that pays attention to you and says i love you there intentions may not be noble but love doesn’t have an age just has to be the right man..

  2. says

    I was not aware there was an entire huge group of women in despair over failed Turkish romances! That is too funny! I’ll be on the lookout when I go to Turkey :)

    • cassandra cross says

      hi sorry i had to reply to this, i went and lived there for 2 years, worst time in my life, don’t get me wrong not all the same, but when you hear seni seviyrum this means i love you,take no notice, i had a very bad experiences , god stole from, was giving money i felt sorry for him, i am now back in the uk, and happy to be so,never will i fall again,i found go into cafes day in day out, they think your a easy touch so if u go my advice where a ring on wedding finger, like they wear round there necks, if there over 25 there married,and want easy money to keep there wives,i could write a book on this one, go on and on think a head,regards cassi

      • JC says

        What does it mean when a Turkish man wears a ring around his neck? I noticed him wearing it went we first met than his not wearing one anymore…

        • CASSANDRA CROSS says

          JC. SORRY FOR A LATE REPLY, YES THEY TAKE THERE WEDDING RINGS OFF.AND PUT AROUND THERE NECK,ON A CHAIN, I LIVE THERE 2 YEARS, SOLD UP MY HOME IN ENGLAND LIKE A FOOL, TURKISH/KURDISH MEN ALL LOOK THE SAME,TREAT WOMEN GOOD AT FIRST, I LOVE YOU,AND WHEN THEY GET YOU.IT IS MONEY MORE MONEY, TILL THEY BLEED YOU DRY,TRUST ME HAVE A HOLIDAY BUT PLEASE DON’T LISTEN TO THE CRAP,THEY TELL YOU, IT WILL BE SOME MEMBER OF THERE FAMILY IS IN HOSPITAL. THEY DON’T HAVE MONEY TO PAY,IT IS ALL LIES, THEY HAVE A GREEN MEDICAL CARD,I HAVE HEARD SO MANY STORY’S I COULD WRITE A BOOK, SOME OF MY FRIENDS GOT MARRIED 3 OF THEM TO TURKISH, CAME TO ENGLAND,AND THEY STILL CHEAT ON THERE WIVES, IN THE UK WITH OTHER WOMEN, 3 THINGS THEY WANT NO1,MONEY NO2 SEX NO 3 TO SPEND YOUR MONEY ON THEM , IE PAY FOR DRINKS,MY ADVISE BE VERY CAREFULL, I KNOW EVERYONE ARE NOT THE SAME, LIKE 5 FINGERS ARE NOT THE SAME,AS TURKISH SAY,BUT MOST ARE, AND IF NOT MARRIED MOST OF THEM WILL MARRY THERE OWN TURKISH WOMEN CASSI

          • Tracy says

            I am writing that book lol!! I was told no medical insurance too but I was never asked for money to pay for medical thank God – oh no I was asked for much more than that!

          • Jane says

            Turksh/Kurdish men all look the same?? You are either racist or blind. Turkish men come in all shapes and sizes.

            These kinds of romances happen in many countries, mainly in ones that see a lot of tourism from Northern/Western countries. Poke around the Internet and you will see a lot of blogs like this one, but about men from other countries.

            There are bad men in every country, con artists, rapists, women-beaters. In this case the European women think they should be regarded as special and superior by these “poor brown men”, not realizing that the Turkish men feel very superior and start out being gallant but then begin to feel contempt and thing get out of hand. The core of them matter is that the Europeans believe that they are culturally superior and that every other culture should be striving to be like them. In this case the issue is the ability of women to chose sexual partners as they please. In the west this is accepted to some extent, but in Turkey it generally is not. It s not better or worse, it is just different. Tourists need to be aware of this, and that generally those men in those places look at a woman who would sleep with a man before marriage as a whore, and while I believe prostitutes deserve respect as a basic human right, they do not. But then we have men like that in the west, too, who scream “you whore!” during fights.

            I don’t know any of the men you all are talking about. I avoid that type of man in any country. I have been living in Turkey most of my adult life. I know Turkish men to be kind, family-oriented, courageous and loving. I think the ones that are being discussed here are far from their families and are behaving badly– and for them to live far from their families means that something is not right with them, and for them to choose to be prey on foreign women is so dishonorable, I can only think they are suffering from mental illness. Mental illness is vastly under treated in Turkey, almost never. And in the West sociopathy is not treated often– so imagine.

            Be very careful, people. Your actions can have real consequences and you must take responsibility for yourselves. Read about the beliefs of the people in the country you are going to visit, understand their understanding of sexual mores. In a fair world these things would not happen, but it is not a fair world. Very bad things can happen to very nice people. Be careful. The care of yourself.

            My experience with Turkish men has been positive. I set boundaries and demand formality and respect. I don’t let them pretend to be from my culture when they have never left theirs.

      • Paula Wales says

        women why don’t you look around your own back yard men are the same all over the world all men can be bad and take advantage of a woman they beat them cheat on them tell your to fat to to ugly for any man to want them so they stay with them abused disrespected dishonored men are men any where take a look around you how many women are divorced how many women have been abused how many woman have been raped cheated and what country? how many get date raped and to a shame to say so yes going to another country and no one to turn to is dangerest but you can not stop having fun because of men because of a mistake you have to find out if there serious are as there called wife beaters dranks druggie charters dead beats lazy etc and maybe you have to think before you leap etc some don’t know what there getting into until its way to late

  3. says

    @Sabina. There is a English magazine called Take A break and I think the editor must have a broken heart as every month, there is some story about Turkish Love rats. There is even a petition asking the minster of Justice to do something about the love rats. I refuse to put the petition URl on here. Thanks for the tweet. Following you now, as really want to read your blog posts when you visit Turkey.

    @ayngelia. I don’t think it is unique to Turkey, but a lot of the stories are like Shirley Valentine when you really read them.

    @Vagabond roots. Yes, it happens in any country and any man can steal your heart and then break it. I think the fact that they are Turkish has nothing to do with it.

    • Lyndsey says

      Natalie you are so right about Take a break, I am guilty for buying it and I think the magazine should stop labelling because British men can be just as bad for using women. Yes I have had my doubts about Turkish men only because I have had them grab me in Turkey and it can be quite frightening. I do not trust them 100% but I have started a new romance up with a Turkish guy in England and I wasnt very sure obv him being Turkish but I can honestly say he’s such a lovely guy and a gentleman and he has said himself how embaressed he feels with some of the stories he hears.

      • says

        Lyndsey, congratulations on your new relationship and glad you are happy. I suppose while there is the stereotypical love rat, we have to remember that each person is also an individual and we can not label them when we do not know them.

        • sebnem says

          Natalie, thank you for adding that.
          as for the cheating (as others mentioned)…how about italian men? french men? and are there no bad husbands in England, Europe and North America.. so no need to label.. It’s like going t a country, you gotta be a smart tourist, sames things applies for relationships.. again, its not the county where the person comes from, its their character.

    • lisa says

      ive been married now to my turkish husband for almost 5 years and yes we have ups and downs like most couples,but to agree that it isnt just the mans fault if a woman gives away her money if he asks ,they must use their brains,if my husband had asked me for money i would have told him no.

      • KluvsHakan says

        So if someone manipulates a kind hearted person it’s not the manipulators fault? That does seem right….

  4. turkey's for life says

    We actually know, in person, a so-called Fethiye love rat (he’s a normal guy). We know famous people! :) He’s been in Take A Break and The Daily Mail – and he successfully sued his ex-partner for the privilege. A happy ending.

  5. says

    Turkeys for life…that sounds like an interesting story.

    One of my friends had something rather nasty put on the MSN chat boards when they were around. He had to threaten the group admin with legal action before they took it down.

  6. Team gomiddleeast says

    I some what understand where you are coming from although there is a bit of ‘stereotyping’.
    All relationships have bumps in the road, cause you are two people trying to combine your identities and lives. And with that comes of course “mommy- and daddy-issues”. Wich we’ve all got.
    And when it comes to vacation-romances, there is no wonder that foreigners want to hold on to that “love” because it give them a chance to save a piece of the vacation. People act out a lot on their vacations, live like they wished they lived forever, and they want that feeling when they go home, but they may not be ready to really take that step.
    When it comes to culture, it’s not like foreigners are all from the same culture either. So different people will always have differents values and traditions, even if you come from the same country.

    But for what I understood the post is really about foreigners that bash out on their former lovers on internet. well thats the cool thing about internet; anybody can write, and you actually can choose not no read the bashings.
    Cause if I understood your post right, you are bashing the bashers?

    Love Team gomiddleeast

    ps: I found love in Turkey, and no Turkish man I’ve ever dated have ever been the same as the other

  7. says

    Hi Team Gomiddle east.

    I did not aim for my post to be bashing the bashers, it was more of a “lets get back to the basics” and have a look at why a majority of these romances do not work out.

    A lot of people in the western world have grown up with the idea that anything is possible. I think this leads way to them forgetting, that everything is not possible when it comes to the human mind and heart. Many women do not realize the obstacles that they are up against and when it all goes wrong, they claim it is because he was a Turkish Love rat, not because it was just a relationship that went wrong.

    I too found love in Turkey and he is totally different from any man, either Turkish, American or British.

    PS – Like your blog by the way. A good unique idea that will do a lot of good in the world.

  8. says

    Great post! I lived in Istanbul for 7 months last year and got involved with a Turkish man. He was sweet, but the cultural differences did get to be too much in the end. I think Turkish men like their women a bit submissive and he couldn’t understand why I was independent and free-thinking. Oh well, he obviously wasn’t the right person for me. =)

    • Sonia says

      I agree cultural differences are too big-and after deligh of knowing european woman pass-they will rather be with turkish woman,

  9. says

    Hi Connie, Yes, the cultural differences can get too much. Not all Turkish men like their women to be submissive though. I think it depends on their upbringing and where abouts in Turkey they are from.

  10. Ellen says

    I’m still new to Turkey, and I’m wondering: Why are there so many romances between foreign women and very much younger Turkish men? Why don’t these kids play with girls their own age? It doesn’t seem to be for money either, as tales of my poverty do nothing to dissuade these over-eager suiters. I’ve dated much younger men from Germany, Ireland and Switzerland as well (and never given them any money), but here it seems to be the rule rather than the exception. What gives?

  11. says

    I am not sure what gives Ellen. Maybe they compare the older women to their mothers and they secretively desire someone who will take care of them just as well as she does.

    • maria says

      they havent realy respect for them mother.or other religion.they make relation for monay No other point!! no other way,is them surfive-instinct that thye learn eatother.in winter they site with them friends together ,and joke about what and how much and how they get the thousend euro’s ,we stayed by them.faked myself of 1of them.make myself to same level as them.just for to understand how they think.them uncles, wifes ,parents(his father was imam) all just what afther summer for monay and never questions how they earned.

    • maria says

      we did help kurdish familie to open a restaurant in gumbet in 2006,afther 2years my husband kicked them out, we hade nt any euro back.same time them parents make a big &most beautifull house in east.we did go 3x to there ,because we thought them father nt realy know that his sons sheated us!!but father Duzgun did know all,so his all familie and vilage -friends.them father is a sjech (ilegal imam) and evrybody kiss his hand that time.till now we find 5 other woman that the brthers sheated for alote of monay IN THAT RESTAURANT.they make love-relations,let that relation go on for couple of years ,and taked slowly monay,,,, big monay from each from thos womans.
      we open complain in Bodrum &yes unbliievble the oldest is convikted 2x in cort as kriminel.BUT , they are sooo clever as his father put all houses(4) on his tapu,cars on other names,etc…so the oldest who is convikted for 5years and to pay over 3000ytl,hase nothing on his name.
      in summertime , even he is married in east &hase 4children ,he live with as belgium woman in Bodrum.she loosed also alote of monay on him, she did nt complain him as we did.more she was call to be witness adn lie for him against all of us.that is her way to have her monay back!!unbilievble but even she agree that he hase out of her other womans to work as jigolo.this as just a small writing on this site,natalie but our story is start in 2004 till now,and is stil nt finish,,,,,last week w efind again another viktum of him ,,,,,,,,,,,

  12. Chris says

    I went to Turkey for the first time in June and could not believe the attention I got. Most of them were a lot younger than me. But they don’t seem to care. I met a lovely young man 30 years younger than me. I’ve been back to visit him and his family at their home. I thought his mother would have a fit when she saw me, but she seemed unconcerned. He is lovely, sweet and romantic and declares his love for me all the time. He wants me to live in Elazig with him. As his wife. I can see no future in it. Someone is going to get their heart broken. Probably both of us. But, in the meantime, I am so happy and I feel 16 again.

      • zulfukar says

        Who cares uk visa.. have you ever been in Turkey!!! seasides.. billion tourists dont leave after they see here.. Have you ever seen such a warm nice smi,ling people like Turkish??? Visa Visa Visa.. it doesnt give us happiness.!!

      • Chris says

        I don’t know if you are still around, Nigel, but how many more times do I have to say this!
        A rule is in force now where an English test has to be passed to get a visa for England. Murat would never pass a test. His English is hopeless. Also, they are bringing in a new rule where if a British national wants to bring in a non EU spouse, the British person has to be earning a minimum of £18,000 a year. I work on a checkout for 30 hours a week and believe me, I fall short of that figure by several thousand pounds.
        I have told Murat there is no way he can come here. And that I have no money. Many times. If he doesn’t believe me, then he’s going to be in for a nasty shock.
        This has been going on for 2 years. He has fought and been hurt in the process, with his older brother over this.
        It has dragged on. There have been times when we have been very happy and times when we have despaired and sat looking at each other on the webcam and cried.
        After all this time, surely he would have given up, maybe went back to Alanya and looked for another British woman? No, he continued to stay in his small village and make frequent trips to the internet cafe to talk to me on msn. He doesn’t have internet access and the cafe is half an hours walk away. Sun, rain or snow, he’s continued to do this.
        He appears to be competely devoted and if it’s all an act, then he is the finest actor of his generation and he should be in Hollywood, winning Oscars.
        He isn’t a player or a man of the world. He is inexperienced and unaware of many things. He doesn’t know what Skype is.
        I was his first (and it was me that spoke to him first). He certainly wasn’t chasing after me. I’m sure we can all remember first love. I don’t want to sound big headed, but he’s smitten!
        He swears it’s forever, but I think it will only last a few years, simply because it’s the first time for him and he’s so overwhelmed by it, but I don’t think he can sustain those intense feelings.
        Even if it doesn’t last, I think it’s worth a try for a few years of happiness. I think sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. I’m very uncertain about what the future holds, but I really don’t want to become old, wondering what might have been.
        I can only say again, coming to England isn’t an option and I’m sick of people bringing it up. Maybe if I won a huge sum on the lottery, but what are the chances of that happening! And Murat would still have to pass an English test. This is some of his vocabulary:
        Hello my love. How are you. I miss you. I love you. Thank you. Sorry. I go now. I go house. My mother. My brother. My sister. Come. Very good. Bad. I am very happy. What. Yes. No. No problem. Ok. My mother no English. And he knows one or two rude words!
        Do you get my drift? Something tells me that limited vocabulary isn’t going to get him a pass in basic English!
        So the constant harping about a visa is starting to grate now.
        Sorry to go on. I just felt it had to be said.

          • Chris says

            Thank you Dawn.
            He really is a sweet man and he has been working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week to get money for us.
            It would be a different story if he was a jack the lad, but he couldn’t be further from that.
            He says the loveliest things. In Turkish of course, so I have to translate it!. He says that I’m his first love and I will be his last and that he will be mine until his soul leaves his body!
            Now some people will sneer at that, but how on earth could I not be moved by it, especially since I was in a loveless marriage for years.
            So, thank you for your nice comment. I’m wondering if you have a Turkish man yourself?

        • Mich says

          Chris I have just returned from a holiday in Turkey and met a gorgeous Turkish man who wouldn,t take no for an answer, he wanted to take me to his home he worked every night while I was there without a night off! I wouldn,t go back to a strangers home in England let alone a foreign country, however he asked for my number when it came to say goodbye and he has rung me several times and is now talking to me via email, I agree it makes you feel young again, but I am confused as to why me?? I am waiting to see if he will sustain relationship, as his English is also limited! He wants me to go back to Turkey to see him or him come to see me, not possible as I too only work part time and I know my sons would be horrified! although they have their own lives and don,t seem to interested in mine I love them dearly, and would not want to lose them! help my head says dont,t be so bl*+*+*y daft and my heart says Wow!!!

          • Chris says

            Mich, I inderstand how crazy it is.
            The thing is, does he always work in the resorts? Has he had many relationships before? Is there a big age difference?
            I know I was Murat’s first. I know he went back to Elazig, where it’s very traditional and there’s no messing around between the sexes! He hasn’t been back to Alanya, though he went to Trabzon where he has been working non stop. I really don’t think he’s had the inclination or the energy to get involved with anyone else!
            I feel safe and confident with him, but I couldn’t say the same about all Turkish/Kurdish (whatever) working in the holiday resorts. There’s so many opportunities for them to get entangled with tourists!
            I have 2 sons who are older than Murat. One is in Australia but the other one is here.
            Neither of them approve and I think they would be very upset if I said I was going to live in Turkey. It’s natural, I’m their mother, they worry about me. And, of course, like everyone else, they think he’s out for what he can get.
            But surely your sons understand that you’re entitled to your own life? How old are they? I’m sure you wouldn’t lose them.
            Would you be happy for him to come and visit you and maybe stay with you? Do your sons still live at home? There are so many questions that need to be answered. Though, of course, it’s not that easy for a Turkish man to just decide he wants to visit the UK. He has to get a visa first and that’s not guaranteed.
            I know what it does to your emotions Mich, believe me. My head has been battered for a long time! I veer between thinking I must be off my head and then thinking that life is short and I should just go for it. I think a big life change is scary, but living the rest of my life with regrets is scary too.
            I thought why me too, but the hell with it. Have some confidence in yourself!
            But it’s early days for you and you need to just take it slowly. Wait and see what develops. Try not to stress about it.
            I seem to pinching Natalie’s job here, giving advice!
            Oh and if his English is dodgy, get ready to learn some Turkish! I’ve come a long way in two years, from just knowing merhaba and gule gule when I first went there.
            I hope you let me know how it goes for you. Good luck.

            • Mich says

              Hi thanks for the reply! no my sons don’t live at home and I still know so very little about him as we didn’t get any further than conversation while I was at the resort, although it wasn’t for the want of him trying!! this is why I am so confused he has phoned me again tonight I have tried ignoring hois calls but he is very persistent! I do question his motifs as we spent no time alone together! but he says he misses me and wants to get to know me, it is very hard as his English is limited! And I have read a lot of replies on here and still feel very cynical! until he calls again, and then I start to think what if? I will be very cautious, he ays he isn’t a fake man so he has picked up on my cynicism, how is it going for you? what is the age difference between you both?

              • Chris says

                The age difference is embarrassingly big. 30 years! And that is probably a reason for everyone to be sceptical. And I find it very hard to explain. But I’ll try.
                Murat had no experience of women. Where he lives is so very different to Alanya!
                He said he always wanted a mature lady. I think he’s looking for a mother figure. Someone to love him and care for him. (With a few extras thrown in that certainly aren’t motherly!)
                He was lonely and looking for female company and affection, I think. He took a shine to me and was thrilled I liked him. He says he knows I’m sincere and trustworthy.
                I know it sounds ridiculous, a woman in her fifties with a man in his twenties. I think he thought I was younger. His mother is only about a year older than me, but we look very different! Though I have told him how old I am, it hasn’t put him off.
                This is a first for Murat. It’s like what happens to 14 year old kids and we all know how powerful that is.
                So I don’t see it lasting but he swears it will. He’s naive. I know better.
                It’s still going on and he’s looking into finding us somewhere to live over there. But I really don’t see it ending well. We’ve had many problems. He’s told me to forget him and I’ve told him to forget me. But we’re still drawn back to each other like the pull of gravity. And oh, the thought of him not being in my life any more makes the future look very bleak.
                As for you, Mich, he certainly seems to want to get to know you better. And yes, these Turkish men do seem to be very persistent!
                Just take your time and see how it progresses. That’s all you can do really.
                Good luck!

                • Emily says

                  I’m sorry Chris but do you really think he loves you your 30 years older than him.. He’s doing it for your money and that is it. And I’m sure you were not his first love they all say that you realise that after going to turkey continually eevery year. Soon as your plane leaves another one flys in with hundreds of beautiful girls his age but some how you think he’s staying loyal to you? I’ve had holiday romances in turkey but even I know soon as our plane leaves another one arrives.

        • Jane Campbell says

          I think having a relationship with anyone from Turkey or Cyprus is eventually going to end.so why waste your lives suffering ,they are very different cultures and even as a checkout girl you will be respected and understood much better with any English man!!! How anyone can have a relationship with a man who doesn’t speak your language and you don’t spek his is beyond my understanding .. You can only look at each other and the stars fior so long. I spent 2 years in Cyprus with an English (fluent) speaking Cypriot who himself was a millionaire . I had some laughs and he fell in love with me but respect and equal ways no Cypriot or Turk will ever really understand with women. It’s a completely different way they have been shown.. And my English man is the best .im now married to an amazing scouse lad who treats me like a queen and makes me laugh so much and the sun may not shine in England but the best people in the world live here and that is the best thing you will ever have around you !! Don’t stay in denial and run away thinking its better where the sun shines cause your missing out on a wonderful life putting Welles on and finding someone to jump in the puddles with on the rainy days. Someone who understands you as a woman in your culture even before he gets to know the real you.. I wish you all luck and don’t waste too much time dreaming.. Get living everyday!!

          • Chris says

            Hmm. Well thanks Jane, but I’m still waiting for that to happen with a British guy! But I’m probably comparing everyone with Murat and finding them all wanting.
            I’ve probably been spoilt by having this lovely man in my life because it seems all men my own age are fat or old or unattractive, generally all three.
            As for the language barrier, I’ve learnt a lot of Turkish. And I have a large English/Turkish dictionary and some sign language is involved too!
            It’s a hopeless situation with Murat, I know. And I wish I could wake up one morning and find I’m just not bothered any more.
            But i’m still waiting for that to happen.

    • olive says

      hi i am with guy for 2 years he is so genuine i hate this stigma attached to turkish romance there are bad and good in all countries

    • Irene Wilson says

      I have been going to Turkey for years, love the people and the country. Have a holiday romance if you want but leave it at that.

    • Chrisslyn says

      Would love to comment more openly…. I admire you Chris, and hope you are still happy regardless of everyone doubting…l
      Love happens regardless of age, religion, culture, if its for you, sure enough it will happen!
      But how do you know its for good or bad?
      Same thing happened to me…but not holiday romance though I have gone to meet with him and his family… we met on internet in different circumstances… a year on we still together, even though so many say becareful…I thought if he did not like me when we met we would go our separate ways… I.. again do not look my age …this he says to me and also that my age do not matter to him… (I am 51, he’s 26) I have even suggested to him go meet younger woman… to which his reply … he dont want.. and true to say if he did … why would he be still interested in me?? talking to me everynight, though I wait for him to be online it can be quite late at night, but he is still there!
      I have pushed him many times to walk away from me, we are still together!! via internet.
      There are so many stories on here about good and bad, it make me very wary what to do, as mine Turkish man as asked me to marry and we say we are engaged!
      You can also get MANY love rat in uk also
      I wish Chris I could talk with you more freely to say my worries also.

  13. says

    Hi Chris,

    Thanks for being so honest about your expectations and if you are happy to go where the road takes you on this one then go for it. Sometimes you can see relation ships between older women and Turks working however it all starts to go wrong when the family pressure him for marriage and babies and the older English women no longer wants that kind of lifestyle because she has been there and done it.

    • leanne says

      not true am marring my hoilday romance who is 13 yr younger than me ive been to met hes lovely family number of times who live in batman i cant have anymore children ive got no money nothing in value to offer him apart from me he doesnt want me to change anything about myself and yes i still eat pork and i still like the odd drink .. am reading theses comments and i must say its making so upset that these men are getting slagged off for english ladys been so bloody stupid and falling for anyman who tells them they love them after a couple off days in the sun i would expected a 16 yr old to fall for the patter not a grown woman ..

      • Nat says

        Hi Leanne, Don’t get upset. A lot of the ladies are not slagging the men off. They are just having issues with affairs of the heart that are clouding their judgement. That is one of the great things about blogs versus websites. People can add their point of view which makes the original article even better. Thanks for leaving your comment and nice to hear that you have found yourself a good man. If your man is happy to not have any children and the family will not pressure him, then I am happy for you because in the Turkish culture, children play a big part in any family set up.

        • Libby says

          My daughter is 20 and just met a 25 yo Turkish guy who is living in the US and working in the mall. He seems smitten with her and her with him. But my concern is that he is already calling her Baby and talking marriage and kids with her. She has never had a serious boyfriend and I dont know if this is a Turkish custom to move quickly or if he has an alterior motive. But he is very sweet and constantly telling her how beautiful she is. Should I be concerned?

          • says

            Hi Libby, Turkish men are quick. If they believe they are in love, they have no qualms about declaring it there and then. On the plus side, they are also great providers for their wives and children as they take their role in the family very seriously. At this stage, I would not be concerned. Just keep talking with your daughter so she has someone to confide in about being in a serious relationship. That way the communication channels are open and you will know if anything does happen.

            • sue says

              hi so i have been reading all these ladies comments and im sorry but my one word of advice to u all …get out now and quickly ….i live in ?stanbul Turkey and have lived here for 17years …i married a Turkish man …i have a daughter and i have seen a lot of things ….the older woman younger man scenario is typical ….you are polyfiller untill he marries a turkish girl of his families choiice …that is the culture amongst the working classes here and that is what will absolutely 100 percent haqppen …wether now or 10 yrs down the line ….no matter what he says …or what he does …that will be the end result ….turkish society is dominated by its culture and that is dominated by the mother ….turkish men are used to being dictated to by their families and they will follow what that family says …yes they are very quick to fall in love …this is mainly motivated by sex which turkish girls use as leverage to get the fellas to marry them ….and not many turkish girls actually like sex ….and since the anti abortion law was passed they are even less inclined to have sex ….yes he will take ur money ….u r talking about a population where 90 percent live below the poverty line …yes he will promise u the earth …turkish men learn very early on how to lie to women …they have to lie to their mothers from a very early age so it is cultural ….u may be the love of his life …but he will dump u when his family decide it is time …..u r talking about a country where in some regions if a girl is not married but becomes pregnant …her fam,ily will shoot her for dishonour ….and this is a regular occurance …where virginity testing was only abolished last feb …but still goes on sneakily ….where rape is considered to b a crime against the family honour …not the person in question and where cheating is considered normal and a sign of manhood ….if ur turkish man has been to uni and comes from middle class background …u may end up marrying him …then u really are buggered ….the sweet sympathetic lovable soul …will change …and u will hear endlessly how things are not done ur way here in turkey ….the statistics for domestic violence are off the richter scale here …..this is not just from my experience …but from most of the foreign women here in istanbul …turkish men are very good at seduction …and really crap at commitment …if it is not in their interests …..turkish children are raised on a system based on criticisim and competition ….so the older woman younger man scenario prob comes from that …and it is highly prevailant over here …but absolutely every time the relationship breaks up when the mother decides it is time for the son to marry someone suitable and start to produce chi,ldren ……and then the older woman is left picking up the pieces …untill the next toyboy comes along ….they ..in effect …become toyboy fodder …..and pleae do not think that u r his firt …u r not ….if they r kinda quick when it comes to sex …well it gen cos they have to b quick so a not to be caught ! …look i am really sorry to have to say all this but i see and hear it happening all the time …..please dont get me wrong … i love tur4kish men …i think they sexy and fun …but absolutely not to be trusted with ur heart ….or ur bank balance ….and as far as marriage is concerned ? …well when i came here as a newly wed with a baby and stars in my eyes …i was part of a group of approx 15 likewise newlyweds with young infants ….all foreign …all married to turkish men …..to my knowledge 3 marriages still survive …but r a bit rocky …if u know what i mean ! …..oh and as for the older turkish man ? ….they are going for the younger woman !!!…..its crazy …when i go out with my daughter …the young guys … 25-35 are eying me up ….and the older guys ….40 plus ….are eying my 17yr old daughter up !!! …. …but thats turkey for u !!.

              • maria says

                sayin Beytullah,If he now married her on her 9age old or 18,he was stil much older.or when he married Hatice who was much older then him.bana ne,.My name can in your or any religion a beutiful name,my mam named Anna and was also a name ”mother in Turkish…but this BLOG as nt going about that all.Dont hyde yourself or tukish/kurdish behind any religion.it stay a fact that 70% is stil look for a way to get monay into married a forienger woman.or can have sex for monay.them womans ,parents ,uncle’s agree in that all.”para gelse gelir”i can prous , bilieve me ,by foto’s ,mobile mesage ,,all you need .so dont turn around what my name is ..!!As the sjech say to me”you are good people ,but when u was muslim you and your husband chould be better persons”vahvah.while his sons sons sheated 100or more woman in Bodrum .doesnt it cold ”haram para”???i make confrontation about THAT sons to him.”biliyoruz, ama ne yapayim”was his and his wifes answer.
                in koran ,a men cannt marry a woman from other religion.is haram!!!!
                so my dear,i see bold ways:
                i see the way from westen woman ,som realy faled in love,,, but a big%wil be used.i feel sorry for them.
                i see as well the woman who go for sex to Turki,and other country’s.to them i will say,”where is your self-respect,??Is this for what we fight for? is this YOUR woman-rights??
                selam,

                  • maria says

                    thats right, a reason is, when man is muslim ,so them children will be muslim as well.when christian woman married a christian man,, isnt a garanti that they have muslim children.but west of turki as istanbul and izmir they married a christian man .afcous emost of them are’nt practic relegion.

          • dalila says

            • Chloe says

              My name is Chloe and the man that I was dating which I am now married to lives in Ft.Smith AR . That was my mom who blogged this around Christmas time . But he has now switched jobs .

  14. Hollydolly says

    You are absolutely right. Such kind ot relationship isn’t ment to be. In most cases. I do miss my guy from Istanbul, but it’s obvious nothing serious can happen. Yes, we can stay friends for a while, we can even visit each other 3-4 times a year but no, it’s not a real romance. And there’s noone to blame.

  15. Ridvan says

    hello. as a Turk I got to tell you that if you are dating a Turkish guy much younger than you are, the chances are it would not hurt him to have a little advanture here and there. It is not easy to get sex in Turkey before one marrys, therefore anything goes before for the name of sex before marriage. i.e whatever they find. but be sure that you will be droped off somewhere down the road.

    • Mehmet says

      I have to agree with R?dvan. Being of Turkish Cypriot/Irish decent and having lived in Turkey for 16 years I myself still distrust Turkish men. The only person that can stop a Turkish man doing something idiotic and disrespectful is thier mother. So definitely get to meet the mother and leave a “good” iöpression. Yes, as R?dvan says sex is the initial main goal and every trick in the book is played to achive this. However sex is not difficult to have out of wedlock as Ridvan states. turkish women play all kinds of games as they know their men are mostly insincere. So don’t be fooled by the prince charming act…if they don’t introduce you to their good friends and family early on then GET THE HELL AWAY unless your up for a meaningless fling

      • cassandra cross says

        Mehmet, for Turkish you seam on of the good ones, my heart was broken and you are right,i know what they are after , but i also blame us British for falling for it, don’t get me wrong i love turkey but Turkish men i know different ,they have a Turkish woman hidden away, some where, they want sex money till they marry there love one,!! been here worn he t shirt as to say to the tune of 10 grand,what a idiot, i could write a book on this, take care

        • anonymous says

          OMG….it happened to me on last October, when i visited Istanbul…i put trust on a man there that who were so gentlement treated me so well, include he has good education and job.
          but still…he after sex. when i thought it would be on relationship..No..He said directly he was horny. That is it!

          And Now, i am in “unclear” relationship with Turkish in Antep.. I will remember…either to stop and go now and quick!…or wait to see the respon if he seriously will introduce me to his family, relatives and friends…or be ready to check and find out if he has wife and kid hidden somewhere..

          i don’t want to fall in the same hell-hole twice.

  16. Jen says

    So this Turkish man 4 years younger than I am just started talking to me one day on facebook. This has now been going on since early October. We’ve never met just talk from sun up to sun down. Within 3 weeks he’s telling me he’s in love with me and wants to marry me.(little fast) I am 29 and have 4 children his family knows of me and is encouraging this. I guess I’m just not acustome to the fast pace he is going at. He’s begging me to come for a visit in January. It’s sad that some forums talk so horribly of Turkish men. It makes me worry about going.

    • cassandra cross says

      jen don’t go, i am telling you it is all wrong, i owned my home there, and Turkish friend robbed me it was all set up when i went out,i lived there 2 years, went for 6 years,and i got i love u so much,since i came back to England only hear from him when he wants something,the oldest trick in the book is either there mother or some member of family are in hospital and cant pay for it, i have heard it so many times, i have found all so hard to start again in England,i know everyone is not the same,like they say we have 5 fingers not the same lol but most of them are, they want a visa, or your money walk away while you can trust me on this

  17. says

    Hi Jen, Not all Turkish men are horrible but there are love rats. Please be careful of this man. Facebook is well known for Turkish men trying to find western girlfriends.

    • Robin says

      I read many articles here most of quit pity. I never been married British Women or Europe women. never been thinking to married with my British for visa or for money.I m not Muslim and christian I don’t believe any religion and I had British girl friend she was younger than me 2 years younger when we knowing and start like each other after one months we have first sex, after few months she offer me we together her house she I don’t need pay for rent than I offer her I must pay bills I cooked most time cleaning and tidy her house and decorated her house (if she were Turkish girl or other nation girl I would do same) after 4 months she offer me we must married I said we don’t know each other also I do not want married. that time I had temporarily residency visa. Also she said I can get full permanent visa and after one I can apply British passport. I said i don’t want married you for visa or passport.I love you but I don’t want dishonest you. Her answer we can not live anymore together she is a catholic normally we don’t have sex for her religion I must be leave her house in few days she said me my answer I respect you I don’t want wait few day I preparing now move out after I move to my friend is house temporarily . I had few similar experiences with British girls and Irish girls in UK good experience bad experience . Now I have German girl friend 7 years together I have 2 lovely kids but I m not still married yet for visa even I have now British citizen.
      Please do not think All Turkish/Kurdish men are same Also I do not Think all British girl are same.

      • Nat says

        What is quit pity?

        Also you have just said everything that I said in the article not sure why you are thinking that I am saying all men are the same?

  18. Jen says

    He seems really sincere but it’s scarey with the things you read. It makes you not want to trust it. This guy knows I have 4 kids and wants me to move there, children in tote to Antalya. He’s gone as far as trading his flat for a home and searching out English speaking schools for the children. Says when he marries me they will be his children. Again a little to fast:) I know all men are different yet they’re in every country you visit not just turkey. You can be used and have your heart broken by any man anytime anywhere. I’ve had 2 failed relationships in america due to adultry resulting in my broken heart! That doesn’t mean I’m going to degrade them all over facebook. It only makes you stronger and wiser. I’m gonna take my trip to Turkey as I’ve never even been to Canada:) Im gonna enjoy it and have fun. Whatever happens happens it’s part of the whole exciting experience:)

  19. Heidi says

    Your holiday romance is doomed to fail regardless of what country you may be on holiday in! They are exactly that – a holiday romance. Do not go on holiday and expect you are going to WOW the local men or women with your US ways. They pretty much don’t give a crap.

    I have known my Turkish husband for 5 years and married for 3. Much of what you say is true, but this is the same for all countries of the world. A sleazeball is a sleazeball in any country. The tactics that Turkish men use to attract a western woman, when they have ulterior motives, are the same as any man uses when they have ulterior motives in attracting a woman. I’ve seen this happen many times when I’ve been on holiday with my husband. You can easily pick out the men who are on the prowl. When you mention that ones life skills may be lacking if one cannot spot a sleazeball, it is true even in ones home country and not just when one is on holiday in a foreign land.

    Before I married my husband. I knew all the stories of Turkish men wooing western women and all the stereotypes. Luckily I was introduced to him through a Turkish friend of mine that I want to college with here in the US (we’ve been friends for over 20 years and I trust this individual completely. I knew they would never introduce me to a lunatic). I already knew my husbands qualities before I met him. I did however put this man through HELL before I agreed to marry him. I was not about to be one of the stupid women that marry a foreigner and end up wondering what went wrong when their marriage falls apart. And honestly, I didn’t want him to be a foreign man married to a US citizen wondering what happened if our marriage failed.

    I will say this – most Turkish men are honest and upstanding men. They are faithful, they are good providers for their families, yes they love their mother first (this is a cultural thing and really…would you want to be with a man that didn’t think highly of his mother, regardless of what country he comes from!), most are good Muslims (and it’s a wonderful religion. Do your homework and learn about it before you judge it based solely by what you see on television) and they are respectful. My husband is such a man. Yes, there are those that have affairs, go to work in Antalya, Bodrum, etc to have a holiday romance, attract a western woman to marry her for a visa out of Turkey, but these very same type of men exist everywhere and in every country. They are pretty easy to spot if you’re not an idiot.

    My husband and I work at our marriage, just like most other married couples do as well, we just have to throw in a good dose of understanding each others cultures as well. Things do sometimes get lost in translation for us. But we’ve learned to avoid those pitfalls and recognize the signs in each other when one or the other of us is not truly understanding something in the other. We used to argue about such things, but now that we’ve learned to recognize the misunderstandings, we just laugh about them now and find new ways of explaining cultural things to each other so that the other understands. I happen to really enjoy learning about and living the Turkish culture. He feels the same the US culture. We are open minded and respectful of each other and the history we’ve had before we met and the future we are building together. I believe that’s pretty much the foundation of any successful relationship regardless of what countries the couple comes from. Our marriage is young, but we’ve started off on the right foot and are on the right track. I love being married to my Turkish husband!

    I will say this – if a woman is out there considering any sort of a relationship with a Turkish man. Know this…it is most likely going to be more successful if the man is from the western part of Turkey. These men tend to be more open minded and accepting of various cultures then those men from the eastern part of Turkey. Men from the eastern side of Turkey are WAY more conservative, most often uneducated and unwilling to accept others. Just my opinion.

    • lisa says

      hi,my husband is from the eastern part of turkey and ive got to say he is very well edycated,his family cant do enough for us when we visit which isnt often,he is a little more conserveative but only when we are on holiday,he knows im english and that i will dress how i want ,i think you have to make it quite clear in the beginning what you will and wont except,if he wont agree to it then you have to move on…

  20. says

    Hi Heidi. Thanks for stopping by and giving us your experience. Most holiday romances are doomed however my blog is about Turkey, so I am going to concentrate on holiday romances with Turkish men of course. Much of your post, also reminds me of my marriage.

    We have just passed the four year stage and it has been a joining of two cultures where we have had to meet in the middle on a lot of issues. We have also discovered a lot about each other, that we would not have known had we both married people from our own cultures.

    Re the East and the West, I totally agree and it is exactly what I said in an interview with Kelly from Bug Bytes last month. I will however add that there are some small villages on the western coast in which men are still living like it was the last century. I think if they have experienced the big cities or living in a coastal resort, then this can change their beliefs towards women.

    For the life skills. Yes there are women that could not spot a sleezebag if he had it wrote on his forehead, however I have seen what I would consider intelligent, life skilled women land in Turkey and within a couple of days, they have attracted the biggest sleeze ball in the town. Speaking to these women, I also think they know he is a sleeze ball subconsciously , but for some reason are running away from something, ignoring the signs and dying to find a true Romeo in all the wrong places.

    • Jo Morgan says

      Hi Natalie

      I have been seeing a Turkish Man for 3 years now. I am the one to visit several times a year. I believed he was genuine and I think he was in the begging ie first 2 years. He tried to get a visa and yes he has introduced me to all his friends we are the same age 54 He did however lie about his marriage he told me they were separated and they are sort of he only goes home about 3 days a year!! My last visit will be my last visit. He had to go home as his daughter was having seizures and that was last I saw of him. I have reason to believe he had sex with an older English woman 68 who I know has slept with most of the Gumbet waiters she is asexual predator. I know have had to have a test and am awaiting results. I am truly disappointed and shocked and disgusted by him.
      I cannot believe it as he has always been so lovely kind generous etc etc. I will have to contact him if it is positive am feeling not too great right now but at least I know it’s over now. no more hanging around being a fool.

      • says

        Hi Jo – I am sorry to hear that but at least you can now move on with your life rather than returning to Turkey seven times a year, always to the same place. It is possible that he was genuine and then just decided to head in the wrong direction. Fingers crossed that the tests turn out negative xxxx
        Natalie wrote about..Sanliurfa (Urfa) : The City of Abraham

  21. cuddlebunny says

    hi…met a guy on first night and he searched the place for me all week till the last nite when we got together made love…watched sunrise…bla bla bla…he has txt and e mail me EVERY day in last 6 months…he knows i will NEVER marry again and i have no money to give him…he didnt ask tho……he is 28 i am 44….he does sound sooo sweet but i am not a stupid woman and he knows theres no visa in this for him…im goin to see him in april for a week…should i go …..he knows i am a strongwilled person and if i kno i Wont giv him money or marriage….surely he wud av given up by now…..i am not sittin at home here pining..im out having a good time…..your comments welcome…thanxxxx

    • says

      Hi there, It is hard to comment without knowing you or your fella. You say he knows there is no visa in it for him however in the event of you two getting together permanently, are you prepared to live in Turkey full time? If not then there is your visa. Go on your holiday and if warning bells start to ring then pay attention to them. If not, then enjoy your time and be happy with him.

  22. mel says

    hi there,
    i wonder if you can help me, I’m a freelance journalist and I’m desperately looking for a british woman (aged 35-55) who is happily married to a turkish man and has been for a good few years (seven or more)….
    it’s for an article for a british monthly magazine and is very upbeat and positive. It would involve a chat with me over the phone and providing wedding photographs and also possibly being photographed now. I am very happy to read back the story before it’s published and once again I emphasise that it would be a very happy positive article.
    If there is anyway you could help me by putting me in touch with anyone that fits the bill I’d be incredibly grateful.
    My email is
    thank you so much,
    Yours
    Mel

  23. says

    Hi Mel – Thanks for stopping by. I have edited your comment so your email does not show otherwise you will get spam. If anyone is interested they can leave a comment below and I will send them your address.

  24. pamela turton says

    This is one of the most balanced, commonsense response I’ve seen on forums/blogs about the subject. Impressed!
    My experience inspired me to write a novel! I wanted to tell a story which attempted to show all sides.

  25. chrissi says

    i really enjoyed reading this site…
    I recently broke up with my gorgeous sweet loving turkish boyfriend… but, he had his bad sides too… Culture and religious differences are very difficult to overcome. He was very easy-going to start with, but soon told me i couldnt go out, couldnt see my male friends, couldnt leave my city to see friends etc…
    We talked of marriage and he told me I had to undertstand I would not be allowed to leave Turkey once we were married and I would not be allowed a phone etc..

    He was from a traditional part of Turkey, and his family always came before me. But I loved him, and he did love me.

    His jealousy got too much in the end and it didnt work out.

    Just be careful and sensible is all I would say… Have fun and be safe.

    AND p.s. ….If he’s a lot older than you, i’m sorry, but it’s probably too good to be true.

    • says

      Hi Chrissi and thank you for commenting. Unfortunately there are some Turkish men who don;t quite understand that looking after your wife does not involve taking away her phone etc. Sounds from your comment though that you have your head screwed on re the Turkish men and you can appreciate the good times that you had as well.

  26. says

    I love this post………I’ve been married to a Turkish guy for 23 years and still going strong. He came to Canada as a refugee and was almost deported.
    I met him and we both couldn’t speak the same language but after 2 months got married………and have a 21 year old daughter in Law School.

    We both share 2 cultures and celebrate and respect each others……..Actually I’m Canadian born but have a Ukrainian background from my grandparents and we celebrate 3 cultures. ….Canadian, Turkish and Ukrainian so our house is always full.
    My husband is not bossy…he will tell me lots of times go out with your friends to take a break from everything. :-)))
    I guess I’m lucky.

  27. says

    Wow, reminds me of my recent post about relationships in Egypt:) I have never been to Turkey but I think the most important thing is being careful in relationships, anywhere in the world!
    But at the same time, sometimes even the wisest person (woman in this case) can slip and fall in love with the wrong person… This is not the problem per se – but if she’s going to declare her hatred all around the web, she’s definitely not the wisest woman then.:)
    Giulia wrote about..Places change… or maybe I do

  28. Mandymoo says

    Hi there, this article is very interesting & has given me an insight into other peoples experiences…….

    I had a holiday romance last year whilst on holiday in Gumbet, at the time it felt so real and so right. However I took it for what it was and returned home to the UK, prepaired to put it all behind me and resume my life as it was prior to my holiday.

    We exchanged contact detail & if I want to be honest I never really expected to hear from him again. Well you can imagine my shock when a month after my return I recieved and email from my Turkish friend. We have remained in contact, which started as a weekly email, progressing to a daily email and eventually phone calls and texts messages on a daily basis. My Turkish friend seems very sincere, in his feelings for me, we have spoke at great length about our feeling for each other.
    I am returning to Turkey again this summer where we have made plans to spend time with each other. He wants me to meet his family whilst I am there, which I am happy to do. He also wants us to get engaged, as part of his beliefs is we need this blessing before we can enter into a sexual relationship.
    He is just finishing her 4 year University degree & has chosen to come to the UK for another 2 years of studies. We feel this should be enough time to decide whether we can make our relationship work.
    I do not see myself as a silly person and I am not looking at our growing relationship with rose tinted glasses, however I am not affraid to take a chance on love.

  29. linda says

    hi.. i need your advice..
    i have a turkish boyfriend for 8 years now. we kept planning for his visit here but it always gets cancelled for business reasons.. now we have decided for me to visit him instead. i dont know if this is a cheap move for a woman.. i’m confused.. all i know is that i like this man and i have grown to love him even his imperfections.. i am not spending, he is. It is true about the difference in culture and everything you said about difference.. we know about it.. we arent denying it to ourselves. if you were in my shoes, will u go? despite everyone in my family is telling me not to.. im so confused really.. i really need u..help me please.

    • says

      Hi Linda, Thanks for your comment. I am not sure what you mean by cheap move. You say that you love the man and you are aware of the culture differences so what is holding you back? Why do your family not want you to go? 8 years is a long time to be with someone and still be living in different countries. If you are not sure that it is the right move for you, then set a testing period of three months.

      Take it at your own pace and see if you can adapt to living in Turkey. Ask your boyfriend if you can live in one of the coastal resorts and then you will still have contact with foreign people. If it was me then I would go however I sense there are other reasons why you are reluctant to commit.

  30. Candi says

    Hello,

    I met my Turkish friend via Facebook. I have no idea as to how he “found” me, being that my page is extremely private. We have been communicating for a few months now, and he wants me to visit him in Turkey. He had profesed his “love” for me after only a couple of weeks. I am very skeptical and did plenty of research on the culture and traditions. I am a black American woman, divorced with children, and he is well aware of this information. Although I have my doubts about this so called love, Ihave to admit, the attention feels great. He lives in Alanya, but works in Antalya and I read about how these men sometimes prey on Western women for visas and such. He has stated that he would like for us to marry there and live there, so could this just be a way to put my mind at ease about him wanting to use me for a visa? I am not a dumb woman, but I am a bit vulnerable right now, since I have been alone (without companionship) for almost a year and I could be acting a bit nieve in this whole thing. He has never asked me for money and is aware of the fact that I am not rich in any sense of the word. I am excited about the trip, and will take it either way, but a bit cautious about the “relationship”. Do Turkish men even like black women? Are they, by tradition and custom, even allowed to marry black women? I am so confused!

  31. says

    Hi Candi, Thanks for your comment. I need to ask you to be very cautious if you are planning on going on this trip. Facebook is a well known haunting ground for some Turkish men who have an obsession with Western women. You have never met this man and yet he is declaring undying love for you. You are saying that you are very sceptical and I advise that you pay attention to all warning bells that you are getting.

    These men won’t directly ask for money. They start off asking for little things like chocolate that they have heard about, then they lead up to watches. Then while you are there on the visit, a family member will suddenly fall ill and they have no money for hospital bills.

    The fact that you are a black women makes no difference. Whether a man can take a foreigner as a bride purely depends on his upbringing and generally whether he has had a village life or been bought up in one of the more western cities.

    I do not know this man and can not comment on whether he is genuine but from speaking to other readers and friends, I can say that genuine Turkish men do not declare undying love to random women on Facebook. Please be careful as this relationship is not normal.
    Natalie wrote about..The Quirky Vibes Of The Kaptan Han Hotel

  32. Candi says

    Natalie,

    Thank you for responding to my post. I have found your page to be very helpful in this matter. I guess I already knew what you advised me of, but I just needed reassurance that I was right. I will still take my vacation, but with friends.

    Thank you,
    Candi

  33. Maci says

    Hello,
    I was reading your blog and thought I’d ask a few questions. I am a student and I met my Turkish friend on campus. We dated for 3 months before he graduated and returned to Turkey. During those 3 months, he never wanted or asked for sex. We have only kissed and that was nothing major. About a month ago, during a conversation via skype, he told me that he wanted me to come meet his family and that he wanted me to be his wife. He also stated that he wanted me to consider moving there. I am black and I do not know what to expect from his family. I know how race relations are here, in the states, but I am not too familiar with that of other countries. I am 4 years older than him, and I also have 3 children from a previous marriage. He has no children. What should I expect? Should I even go? Will I be accepted as a divorcee, and mother? I am lost and in need of help!

  34. says

    Hi Maci,

    Thanks for your question. I can say that it is quite certain that you will be accepted as a divorcee and as a mother. I also think that because he has asked you to be his wife, because you are black is not a concern in this family either.

    Having said that, I think it is far too soon for you to even think about becoming his wife. You have only known this man in your home country and have never had a chance to get to know his background and how his life is in Turkey.

    Would it be possible for you just to have a holiday in Turkey instead and tell this man that you are not ready to give an answer to his offer of marriage? If he truly loves you then he will wait. A new marriage and change of country will be such a big move to make, not only for you but for your children as well. If you do it, you need to be 100% certain in your mind that it is right for you and them.

    You don’t have to say yes or no at this moment. Instead tell him that you need time and use this period on getting to know him, his family and how life is in Turkey before you make that move. Please let me know how you get on and what you decide to do.
    Natalie wrote about..My Seven Links

  35. Maci says

    Natalie,

    I have taken your advice and told him that at this time, I could not give him an answer on marrige. I asked him if he would consider a vacation of a couple of weeks so that I may meet his family and visit his country before making a major decision to move my children there. He agreed that it would be best if we did it this way. He suggested an engagement period that does not exceed one year, and that a date be made within the next 6 months so that we may have time to plan things, as far as the wedding, meeting of families, and a few vacations for the children so they may see his country as well. I am excited and nervous at the same time because I do not know what to expect. How does the whole “meeting of families” work? Is it done the same way we do it here? You know, dinner, introductions, and polite conversation. Or, is there a more formal way of doing things? I will continue to update you on this matter because I like the fact that your advice is forward and honest. Thank you for your time.

    Maci

  36. says

    Hi Maci,

    That is great news. Introduction to the family happens much the same as in other countries. You will probably be invited for a meal to the house and that will be a nerve wracking experience but just be yourself and you will be fine. As well as meeting the family, ask your boyfriend to show you some of the sights as Turkey is truly a beautiful country. Enjoy your vacation and I hope all goes well for you.
    Natalie wrote about..The Sleeping Valley of Uyku Vadisi

  37. Claire says

    Hi,
    I am a 35 year old woman who has just returned from a fantastic week’s holiday in Marmaris, Turkey.
    From the very start of our holiday, my friend and I had so much attention from the Turkish men – we are not stupid, most of them are probably players but it was a great confidence boost. I wish some English men were so generous with their compliments.

    Whilst staying at our hotel we became friendly with some of the staff..they were happy, fun, and went out of their way to look after us.
    One of the waiters took to me but his giving me flowers, writing poems, complimenting me etc made me even more determined to laugh at him and see him for what he was. I turned his offers of going for walks and drinks down until my last night when I thought – hey, I know what your trying to do but I’m single and just come out of a long term relationship with a man who has cheated on me for the past year. I am an adult and have a choice..so I thought what the hell… I did sleep with him that evening. I have only had four partners I’ve slept with so this was very out of character for me. However, he treated me really well and I didn’t regret what I did.

    The following day I was due to leave in the evening..but he asked for my phone number and e-mail address. He texed me straight away to make sure I had given him the correct number. I wasn’t too bothered about keeping in touch but thought it was sweet of him.
    Before leaving he asked me to walk with him for an hour or so. He was a gentleman and we had a quiet drink in a bar where he asked me if I would be his girlfriend. He started telling me I should visit again and he would take me to meet his sister in Istanbul..I told him it wouldn’t work because of the distance etc (and I knew he had probably said this to many, many girls).
    Before leaving he went out and bought a lovely bracelet with my name on one side and his name on the other. It was such a beautiful gesture. He also bought my friend one as he said a friend of mine was a friend of his. Really sweet thing to do and now I’m a little confused as to his intentions.

    I received 4 text messages before I even arrived home – I didn’t respond until 12 hours later. He said he missed me etc.

    My friend is Kurdish but lives in Diyarbakir..he works in the bars during the summer and then helps his dads business in the winter..he said his dad is a vet.

    I’m 35 and he is 28…I don’t look my age but I find in bizzare that he would be remotely interested. I also find it strange that hes still apparently ‘single’ when all his brothers and sisters have settled down and have children. I thought Kurdish men married young? He tells me I look like his sister too which is a little alarming.

    I had an amazing holiday and I will take this for what it is. He puts a smile on my face and nothing will ever come of it… there are cheating men everywhere in the world…they don’t have to be Turkish or Kurdish to cheat.

  38. Anna says

    Hi Natalie

    Love your blog!

    I am in a long distance relationship with a wonderful Turkish man. I am in NY and he lives in Istanbul.

    I met him while on business in Istanbul last year. So far I have been back twice and he will be coming to the US (first time) in October.

    We are the same age (late 30′s) – and in the same business (meeting and event planning). We’ve managed to keep “it going” for 9 months now (thanks to Skype!)

    I recently traveled to Turkey with a good friend. We explored Istanbul, Cappadoccia, Efes and Sirince. As two women traveling alone, we were “hit on” a lot. And, much to our chagrin, most of our “suitors” were half our age.

    We laughed, were somewhat flattered and generally just had fun and took nothing seriously. I do agree with you though, female travelers really need to be careful. Men from all cultures can be very charming when there is an ulterior motive.

    I am lucky that I found a true gem! It can happen, its rare, but it can happen, under the right circumstances.

    Looking forward to making Turkey my second home and would love to meet you some day and share and Efes. Serefe!

    • Aleka Akar says

      I’d say his mother didn’t react simply because she knew her son would never be seriously romantically involved with a woman 30 years older than him. She just let her son have some fun in his way, that’s all. I, too, am in love with a Turkish man who IS the love of my life and I plan to marry as soon as possible. I do plan to move to Turkey and I do plan to leave my child behind with her father. To me it’s not a holiday romance. But for sure, on the net I mean, I’ve met plenty of Turkish men who , like all men I’d say, are after attention or cybersex or a combination of both. The difference of Tuks and other men is only one: Turks are excellent sweet talkers when they are trying to “seduce” you and women fall for them way more easily than for men of other nationalities. Hence their reputation of “heart-breaking liars”. I don’t like stereotyping people either but that’s a fact. My future husband is Turk as I said and we have had long long talks about cultural differences. There are many types of men in Turkey, from extreme Muslims to more modern and liberal , from conservative men with ideas men in Greece had 50 years back to well educated open minded men. True is , Islamic culture HAS a very deep ifluence to their personality but that’s not the issue. We all women want romance and excitement and love and it’s SO easy to fall for a Turk who calls us “his angel”, his “princess” and other various stuff. But yeah, when a man 30 whole years younger than us is telling us all that and on top maybe asks us for money, well, that’s not a very good sign I’d say :)

      • Chris says

        Aleka, I can only ask you to read my comment somewhere above, which is a reply to Nigel.
        It’s still going on after 2 years. I was just speaking to him a couple of hours ago. We were both very happy to hear the other’s voice.
        He can’t come here. He wants me to go there. A visa isn’t an option. Neither is me giving him money.
        Is it really so unbelievable that he could love me? Yes, it might not last, it probably won’t, but just for the here and now, I’m happy and so is he.

  39. says

    Hi Anna,

    All sounds good. Glad you found a gem of a man and I hope he has a wonderful time when he visits you in October. I am also pleased that you did a tour of Turkey as well. So many people come to this lovely country and never move from their hotel sunbeds! Your Efes is in the fridge and waiting for you. Serefe!
    Natalie wrote about..The Quirky Vibes Of The Kaptan Han Hotel

  40. Johnny says

    Hi Everybody,

    It is almost impossible that you bump into a well-educated, western type man at coastal holiday areas of Turkey.

    If you are talking about waiters, other personnel just forget about it; they come from a lower level culture of Turkey.

    A Turkish man would want to posess you , first sexually, then surround you like an octopus. He’d want you to be loyal to him after that, because you are his object then.

    As you are coming from a richer country, you are a lottery prize for him to change his life marrying him and taking him to your country, or joining his family with all your funds.

    He may easily ask you to marry him because he has nothing and hence nothing to lose. He does not care whether you two divorce afterwards because you have no roots in this land, you can leave and he wouldn’t care

    A Turkish woman with similar beauty, education, manners would not even have a cup of coffee with those locals at coastal areas.

    • says

      Hi Johnny, thanks for your post. While I believe that your description does apply to some Turkish men, I do not believe that it applies to all of them. I also know quite a few educated Turkish men in the coastal resorts of Turkey. I suppose it just depends on the circles that you move in, as to whether you meet them or not.

  41. Louise says

    Hi, First of all I’d like to say you have a great blog, I throughly enjoy reading it.

    Like you say both sides have to meet in the middle but both sides can be stubborn too, lol. However if you both really love each other you don’t really notice the simple changes you make. I met my husband whilst on holiday and I understand our relationship could have gone either way. My husband and I will be celebrating our 10th Anniversary this August, so sometimes holiday romances really do work out. :)

  42. Rynnah says

    Must be something in the Mediterranean water. Similar stories all round about Turkish, Greek, Italian and Spanish men pouncing on female holidaymakers.

  43. Maci says

    Hello Natalie,

    The last time I wrote in I explained the situation of my friend and I. We talk often via skype, now that he has returned to Turkey. Lately, our conversations and skype meetings have been less than in the beginning. In a conversation a couple of days ago, he told me that I scare him because I am a smart woman, but his love for me is worth everything. What does this mean? I am beginning to feel as though it is just a blow off. I’ve had American men tell me the same thing right before it was over. I have invested time and emotions in this relationship and I feel that I should probably get out before I get hurt. Maybe he’s tired of the distance and has interest in someone there. He tells me that I am worth waiting for and that he loves me, but after reading different blogs I am beginning to have second thoughts.

  44. says

    Hi Maci,

    I am not sure how you being a smart women can scare him. Perhaps he means intimidated and many men can be like this no matter which nationality they are from.

    It is also hard to make any decisions about your lives when all correspondence is done via Skype and emails. You mentioned before that you were going on vacation to Turkey to gain a better understanding of the situation. Is this still happening?
    Natalie wrote about..My Short-lived Membership of the Elite Turkish Housewives Club

  45. Maci says

    Hi Natalie,
    Yes, the vacation is still on. I am scheduled to arrive next Saturday. I think I have a better understanding of the correspondence issue since I have studied his religious practice. I didn’t realize how much time he devoted to prayer, and how little sleep he actually gets, seeing that we skype when he gets off work late in the night. I feel like such a brat! I hope this is the reason for the lack of communication anyway. I am really looking forward to my visit and if things turn out well, maybe longer durations of visits. I am still not ready to plan a wedding with all of the unknowns. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I love reading your blogs.

    • says

      Hi maci, Long distances relationships are hard but I am sure that your visit will help you to decide if you have a future together. Glad to hear that you love the blog.

  46. says

    This post is hysterically funny – and sadly so true. I was shocked to find Turkish Love Rats as one of the few options online for finding others married to a Turk. We are both in the U.S., and he has been here for 20 years, so it is a bit different, but I do face all sorts of stereotypes in Turkey when people see us together. So, in some ways, this post brought some well-needed laughter and solace. I blog on our “road trip through cross-cultural marriage with backseat driving Karagoz shadow puppets” at http://slowly-by-slowly.com/ if you have any interest, check it out.

    On a separate note, the design of your blog is stunning and I love your commentary and photography, it has become a don’t miss for me!
    Elspeth Slayter wrote about..Just dropping by: Caught in the white cotton nightgown with juicy peaches and once-boiled tea

    • says

      Hi Elspeth. I stopped by your blog yesterday and had a good read. You have some good articles there. Thanks for the comment about my blog. Look forward to keeping in touch via each other blogs.

  47. Your nightmare says

    Well, let’s look at from different side of this.
    How many ladies (German, Brits, Danish, Dutch … so on) are coming for having sex to Turkey?
    I’ve worked in Turkish resort in the past once and saw many of them, i am not saying all ladies come for that reason though.
    So, looks like it is not a one way street.
    Just make sure that do not make any stereotype for any people, that’s all.

    your nightmare (I’ll be back)

  48. K.Zee says

    Hi,
    I recently came back from my very first trip to Turkey, Marmaris. I had heard many stories like most about Turkey and Turkish men and went with it clear in my own mind I would not fall or be taken in by anything these “sleazy” men had to say or do to win my attention. However it didn’t quite work out as I had planned.
    I met my Turkish “friend” the first night I arrived; he was a waiter at my hotel. At first I found it cute how this young rather attractive man fussed around to get my attention, something I wasn’t giving easily. By the third night after endless handmade roses from serviettes and none stop beautiful comments he asked me to join him for a walk. It was very difficult as he couldn’t speak hardly any English and I could just about manage hello in Turkish, but we spent an entire evening together and I learnt more about him in this one evening than I had ever done with any relationship I had ever had. We did make love this evening and it was only after this that he informed me I was apparently his first, something I honestly don’t know to believe or not as I just took the awkwardness as shyness, but possibly not. He then also informed me that he was 5 years younger than me, something I wouldn’t have guessed as he acted and looked much older. It was a revelation that set alarm bells in my head, but also intrigued me at the same time. It was later this evening when I was introduced to some members of his family, something I was not comfortable with at all, but they all were very nice and seemed really interested in me and my life. This evening as he walked me home he found out for the first time that I am not the type of woman that can be controlled or told what to do when he informed me that I was his girlfriend and he didn’t want me to talk to other boys for the remainder of my holiday. It appeared he quite liked the fact I didn’t do as I was told, good job really?. We then spent every evening when he finished work together, be it him coming to meet me wherever I was or me meeting him around the hotel after work and going for something to drink or just a stroll along the beach. I will not say it was all roses and as though I was walking on air the entire time I was with him, we argued (I know this seems odd with the language barrier, but we managed it), we both were as stubborn and rather highly tempered as each other, but this was what if I am honest I liked, the fact that regardless of the age difference, the language barrier ect we were what I deem a “normal western” couple. He defended my honour on a number of occasions as I did him with other English holidayers. Toward the last two evenings he began to tell me in English that he loved me, something I thought he didn’t really understand, the same as when he called me his girlfriend, I repeatedly told him I wasn’t and he didn’t love me but he would just smile and say yes. It wasn’t about sex as this wasn’t something that occurred often on the holiday it was the spending time together ect.
    I agreed I would see him next year when I returned for another holiday. But since my return home, he has rang me every day and has learnt something new in English every time I speak with him. I have not once told him I love him as I am very much a strong believer that you only say this when you mean it and I can’t say I do love him, but I am very much “in like” with him. However this is now starting to be apparent that he wants me to say it back as he keeps asking me “you not love me” whenever he says it to me. I am returning again this year before the end of the summer season and as much as I have tried to deny it to myself, family and friend, it is ultimately to see him. He is over the moon about this, but I am now starting to get concerned that he is expecting or trying for something more to come of this than I am able to currently give. I have no idea if he has an ulterior motive and this scares me, but I won’t know unless I go and see i supose. I think for me at the moment it is the not knowing what this is that worries me. Little things like the fact he still has himself as being in a relationship on facebook, though apparently split with his young Turkish girlfriend a number of months ago. I have had a number of his family member befriend me on facebook and tell me daily that he is in love with me and they all cannot wait to meet me ect, is this normal?
    I’m just not sure if I am doing the right thing anymore, I desperately want to see him again to see if it is real or a mirage of what I think it is because of the setting, timing, beautiful surroundings ect. My family are 100% against me returning, the fact I had a holiday romance, the age gap, the language barrier and the main reason that he is Turkish as I am from a forces family who have very strong (all be it judgmental views) on the Turkish men and the Turkish culture.
    You all seem very well educated in the Turkish romances and relationships and based on what I have told you any advice would be extremely appreciated.

    • says

      Hi K.zee. It is hard for me to give you any advice as I do not know this man or you personally. I read your last words however that you are not sure if you are doing the right thing anymore, and I get the feeling that you are thinking like this because he is moving too fast for you. This often happens in relationships with Turkish men, and the girls keep quiet about the fast pace because at the same time they are enjoying the vibes of a new romance. The problem is that after a while, the vibes of a new romance die off and sometimes the girls are in too deep to back out.

      You need to get back to a way of thinking where you feel in control of the relationship. If he is pressuring you to say that you love him, be honest and tell him that you don’t and you are very much “in like” with him. This will probably cause an argument at some stage however you need to stay true to yourself and your feelings in order to feel in control again. You mentioned that he told you he loved you, and you are not even sure that he knows what this means. Keep thinking along those lines. The “love” word is dropped very quickly by some Turkish men and they have no understanding of what it really means. It is far too early in your relationship to be even thinking about these words.

      I read your words with great interest and it seems that you are a level headed, honest woman who has no illusions that life is a fairy-tale romance. My advice would be to get back in control by thinking of this relationship as a holiday fling. Stay true to yourself and do not feel pressured into saying or doing anything that you do not want to do. Remember that anything that you do in this relationship will set a pattern that will last for the duration of it, if a romance is meant to be. If this is going to be a long term romance, then to avoid disappointment and hurt, this man has to get to know the real you. Take it with a pinch of salt and if the romance is meant to be, then it will work out with you feeling happy and not confused. The age gap is so small so I would not worry about this and language barriers can be overcome. Please do come back after your holiday and let me know how it went.

      • K.Zee says

        Hi Natalie,
        Thought I would pop back and give you an update.
        As you know I went back to Marmaris for the end of the season to see my Turkish man. I spent a week in the same hotel I went to on my first holiday (the one he worked at). The first night I got there very late and by the time I had got to the hotel all staff had gone home, other than him. He had sat and waited alone for two hours as he said he wanted to see me the moment I got there. After putting my case in my room, I went down to meet him. It was so nerve wracking, I was so scared and concerned as to what seeing him again would be like, would it be the same as last time, would it be horrible, would I see him and think “What am I doing?”, but as soon as I got out onto the pool area where he was waiting for me by the loungers, he looked so cute sitting there in the corner checking his phone ever couple of seconds to see if I had rang or text him. As I started to walk toward him all my worries were proven unnecessary as, as soon as he saw me he was smiling from ear to ear, like he didn’t want to see anybody but me at that very moment. I wasn’t sure how to great him but he threw his arms around me and to my surprise kissed me. I say to my surprise because on the first holiday even though all the staff knew I was “with” him it was never something we did openly in the hotel, holding hands, kissing ect as he was worried about his job. So when he kissed me it was a massive shock, he said he didn’t care he had wanted to do that since I last left him and that all the staff new that I was his “girlfriend” and that I was coming back to see him as he had told them all as he was apparently excited for my return. That night we went for soup (must say this, I love the fact you go for soup and lama bread at like 4am) and it was perfect like we hadn’t been apart from my last holiday.
        Things went well for the first 2 days and then we had a massive argument. I had gone back to Marmaris with my friend and one of the other waiters in the hotel, who was a little higher up than my man took a liking to her. My guy had done the typical thing of introducing them ect and then began to pester me to get her to agree to go for a drink with this other waiter ect. My friend was by no means interested and made this very clear but remained very polite and friendly while doing so. This night my guy and I had arranged to go out to the beach front for a couple of drinks and then go for soup after. He without my knowledge had asked my friend to join us, this I had no problem with but he had also tried to play cupid and invite the other waiter from the hotel to join us, thinking this would help change my friends mind, this didn’t go to plan at all. The other waiter became rather forceful and aggressive toward my friend leaving me to step in and my guy didn’t do anything, until the other waiter grabbed my arm and started to pull me around, leading in them two almost fighting. I at this point had grabbed my friend and we headed back to the hotel the two boys not far behind us. When we got to the hotel my friend went straight to her room and the other waiter apologised to me and made his excuses and left. It was at this point me and my guy had a blazing argument, I couldn’t believe he had one – invited his colleague out as they were not even friends, two – tried after my friend and I had made it perfectly clear to him and the other waiter that she wasn’t interested to set them up and then thirdly – the fact he aloud this other waiter to verbally abuse and physically grab my friend the way he did. His argument was that he was told he would get fired from the other waiter unless he got my friend to agree to sleep with him and that in Turkey you don’t get involved in other “couples” domestics. This is fine however my view on the events were entirely different and I was utterly furious with him, but he couldn’t understand why. I ended the conversation as it seemed no matter how hard I tried to get my point across he couldn’t or wouldn’t understand and except what he did was wrong.
        The following 4 days he spent every moment he could trying to apologise and win me round, I wasn’t impressed and neither was my friend. I feel a little bad now as in all fairness he really did try to do everything to show me he was sorry and I was being rather stubborn.
        The day before my last night he had asked me to come for a meal with him at his brother’s restaurant. I agreed thinking it would be me and him only and seeing his brother (who I had already met on my first holiday), how mistaken I was. It turned out that the restaurant was closed for the evening for a family function, the family function being me meeting his family. I was mortified when we arrived and I was greeted by a massive table of 18 Turkish adults plus 8 children, ranging in age. His mother came straight over to me greeting me with a hug, and then followed by the other woman of the family. I literally met all of his brothers, their wives, children, two uncles and two aunts, two cousins and his mother and farther. It was such a surreal experience but they all made me feel so welcome, all going out of their way to speak what little English they could and they were all rather impressed with the little Turkish I had learnt in such a short period of time. The evening ended perfectly, with his mother and farther even offering for me to come and stay with them when I next come to Turkey. He was so pleased with himself on the walk back to my hotel, he just continually smiled even when I was going a little mental at him for just lumping it on me like that, but he knew I wouldn’t of agreed if he had told me. He informed me that his family all loved me and this made him happy.
        On my last day before my coach came to pick me and my friend up for the airport he asked me to go with him for an hour or so in the morning, again I had no idea where we were going walking from the hotel to the other end of marmaris. He took me to a house and upon entering I realised was his parents’ house, whom he lives with. His mother and farther had wanted to see me to say good bye before I left. It was really nice, just me him and his parents and even though they spoke very little English and I very little Turkish we all seemed to manage ok. His mother asked me to join her in their kitchen where she gave me a present (a Turkish cook book), she said that when I learn more Turkish I can use the book, as I had said the night before I would love to learn to cook such food as they were serving for the entire family, this was so sweet and actually made me cry. She gave me a hug and told me that I make my guy smile and that makes her smile.
        Saying goodbye to him was so hard and he gave me HIS necklace (telling me I’m his – I wasn’t so keen on this, but let it slide) and I gave him a ring that he still has on every time I see a photo of him, we Skype ect as I wear his necklace. As I mentioned to you last time I wasn’t confortable or ready to say I loved him as I didn’t feel or believe I did, but I wasn’t sure if it was impulse or not but when I gave him the ring and he placed the necklace on me I told him “Seni Seviyorum Askim”, he asked me if I knew what I had said and I told him I did and he was thrilled, though I knew I shouldn’t of said it as soon as I had.
        Since my return we have been in contact every day, his mother even messages me via Facebook to see how I am and asking me when I am coming again. I am still very confused, I have agreed to go on holiday for a month next season June, so I am there for his birthday, but he and his mother want me to come back sooner and I just don’t know. I do really like him and if I am honest am verging on the side of falling in love with him, but there is still something, call it a gut feeling that is setting alarms of in my head that this is all too good to be true. It is like I am expecting or waiting for him to trip up, for the charade to end and him to show his true colours, but I keep waiting and nothing but I love you’s I miss you’s ect. Marriage hasn’t been mentioned (thank god) nor have children, but I would say this is because he is still young, give it a year or two and I think this will be something his family will be expecting of him, as to wither they would allow this to be with me or not is another thing we haven’t discussed. He is wanting to come to England in March if he can get the visa to do so, it is then I think I will know if this is going anywhere serious as the biggest challenge will be him meeting my family and seeing if they will be able to except him and welcome him just as much as his family did me, but I highly doubt this due to their very ignorant views on Turkey and Turkish culture.
        So after that long rant I guess what I am trying to say is, things went well on the second holiday, but I am still none the wiser about what I want from all of this and I know I am the only one who can decide, I just don’t want to end up hurting him (for once it’s the English girl worrying about hurting and breaking the heart of the Turkish boy, not the other way round).

        • says

          Hi kzee, Oh dear, seems like you are still none the wiser. I am true believer in always going with your gut feelings and if you feel that there is nothing in this long term, it would be better to finish it now in order to prevent further heartbreak down the road.

          Alternatively, you can ride or out and see where the road takes you. There is still six months before you go out on holiday again and your feelings may change by then. A lot can happen in six months.

          Put the mistake that he made about your friend behind you as long as you feel that you made yourself clear to him. When you say that you keep waiting for him to trip up, this is wrong.

          In every relationship, people make mistakes. They say and do the wrong things. if you are waiting for him to do something wrong, then it will become the focus of your relationship.

          Re – if he is showing his true colors. Only time will tell, and it is up to you whether you want to be with him and face the chance that he might not be all he seems or face the chance that he could be the best thing that happened to you

          I am sorry that I can not be of more help Kzee but the way you have described your relationship, he is not a Turkish love rat. There are some culture issues and he has a strong character but your dilemma is “affairs of the heart” and only you can decide what is best for your future.Wishing you the best and I hope you let me know how you get on
          Natalie wrote about..Patara-Four Reasons Why I Will Not Go Back

  49. K.Zee says

    Hi Natalie,

    Thank you for you speedy reply.
    Yes you are right, my concerns have only recently became apparent as he seems to be pushing for this to be something more and I honestly can’t understand this as we only knew each other for 11 days and to me that is far too short a time to be able to say somebody is you girlfriend/boyfriend and especially telling somebody you love them. Also I don’t think his family realise that even though it is nice they all seem to want to meet me (the ones that already haven’t) and get to know me that this is also a little too much expectation of a foreign girl who has only known this boy for a short period of time, but then again I don’t know what he has been saying to his family about me and our “relationship” if it can even be called that. I think this is my main worry as they all seem keen to welcome me to the family as his girlfriend, is this normal behaviour?
    I appreciate your advice and will take your comments on bored, it has helped reassure me that so long as I stay grounded and focused on the fact that this is a holiday fling and if something happens to come from this brilliant if not then I have some brilliant memories of the time I have and will spend with him.
    I will most defiantly let you know how things go when I get back in October.
    Thank you again ?.

  50. says

    Hi K.Zee- Just to answer your last question. “I think this is my main worry as they all seem keen to welcome me to the family as his girlfriend, is this normal behaviour?”

    It is not normal behaviour if you have only been together 11 days however like you say, you don’t know what he has told his family about your relationship. Good luck and I hope you have a fantastic holiday.
    Natalie wrote about..Bafa Lake – Part Two

  51. Michele says

    Hi
    I have found his forum so interesting. I have been in a relationship with a Turkish man for nearly 3 years now.
    His business is in Bodrum and I visit regularly for several months and we keep intouch by email, text and skype when I am in the U.K.
    He has never asked me for money or anything, always insists on paying when we go out ( I buy him things when he’s not looking and put them in his wardrobe ) He cannot do enough for me when we are together. We both love each other ( I am 5 years older than him) Neither of us has been married before and we have no children.
    He asked me to marry him within a month of our first meeting in 2008, but I declined, as it was too early for me to make such a huge decision.
    He has always kept me a “secret” from his family, as they are very religious and wanted him to marry a Turkish woman
    My partner is religious, but I respect that and he respects that I am English and will never wear a head scarf or pray 5 times a day.
    Last year he finally found the courage to tell his family about me and our intentions to eventually get married.
    They were not impressed, but said if I became a Muslim and could give him a child they would accept me.
    Last December we were both very excited because we thought maybe I was pregnant, but just before I returned to the U.K. we found out I was not.
    We were both sad, but were optimistic and agreed that we had plenty of time when I returned to Bodrum in 2011.
    I have been in Bodrum 4 days and he has mentioned that we need to talk about our relationship because he has told his family I am perfect for him, he loves me etc, but they do not want him to marry a foreigner, we can be friends but that’s all.
    He says he has a very big family, but I do not understand why he is so scared of them. What can they do to us or him?
    I thought they would have been happy for him, as he is 40 and has finally found happiness.
    He is normally very head strong, but he seems to be in fear of them.
    The family live and work in Istanbul, but come from a village background.
    I have suggested that I meet them, but his says they want him to find a Turkish woman (he has always told me he is not interested in Turkish women because they are too demanding)
    I am also very strong willed and I am determined to do my best to stop them ruining our future happiness. I’ve waited a long time to fnd someone that makes me feel so happy
    Does anyone have experience of a Turkish family not wanting their family to marry a foreigner, and more importantly what can they do to my partner that makes him so fearful of them?

    • Aleka Akar says

      I feel so much for you :( I was so sorry to hear all that. I’m familiar with what you describe. Natalie is right. I’ve never met any Turk willing to go against the will of his family. I’m deeply sorry. Every person should have the right to choose how to live his or her life. Because on our dying day, we all wouldn’t want to have doubts or wonder “what if I had done this or that”. I hope things went well for you and if not, I pray to God to give you the strength to move on with your life….

    • maria says

      hay michele , firts !where is he com from in turki?is he from east? are you shure that he isnt married!!sorry that i ask that.if he is married in his home twon for imam is difficult to find out.where and what is his buzness in bodrum?, i know bodrum verry well.also i helped som woman to find the truth about them boy-friends,as exemple we met a man;he wasnt married,promissed his girlfriendto meet his familie,this promiss stil go on but she never met his familie.always somthing happend that he give as reason to nt comover to his familie,more;she never payed anything whenshe is by him,,but he hase diffrent girlfriend where he take monay from.so he hase always monay!later we told her ,heis married and hase 4children,to other(we find 5more viktums from him) he told them he is devorsed and hase 2children.he told his girlfiend to be buzzy with devorse his wife!!! but all liers because WE know him since yaers and even visited his familie and his wife in east.somthimes he tell other womans he live in isatnbul during the winter where his familie life &work,,,,,,,,all so unbilivble but the truth,take care about yourself

  52. says

    Hi Michele,

    Thanks for your comment. Your story sounds exactly like the situation that one of my dear friends was in. Her boyfriend was ordered to marry a girl from the village and not a foreigner. They separated because of this, however he even offered that she could be his mistress which she so rightly turned down.

    It all boils down to culture really. Family is important in the Turkish culture and many Turks are unwilling to go against the wishes of their family and the elders in the family.

    In places like the Uk and America, people normally make their own decisions once they hit 16 and the families stand by them whether they think of the situation as right or wrong. It is completely different here in Turkey. Families have a “say” right throughout that persons life.

    Unfortunately I have never known personally a Turkish man that has gone against his family however I have heard stories about Turkish men who have gone against the wishes of their family and married a foreigner. The family then cut that son out of their lives.

    Reading your situation I get the feeling that it is out of your control and the one who has to make a decision is your man however he is not prepared to face the risk of being thrown out of the family. I hope this situation works out for you however I am doubtful that there will be an outcome that will make everyone happy. Someone is going to end up being very sad. Please do let me know how you get on.
    Natalie wrote about..My Secret Turkey – Part Two

  53. says

    I haven’t had a holiday romance abroad, but as a married gal visiting Turkey, I love the men. They are so handsome and sensuous. What’s the harm in that?

  54. Chris says

    hi natalie,
    been on a holiday to antalya and had an amazing holiday romance with a turkish german guy. from the firstplace i knew it’s going to end where it started, i wasn’t looking for any serious relationship abroad, which i made very clear to him. we met twice, had an amazing time, and i thought it will end there. second time we met, he asked me if i would like to stay in touch with him, i didn’t show any enthusiasm ( although i was dying to meet him everyday all day!!) i said yes why not. he gave me his email, asked me five or six times not to forget to write him, and that he’ll check his mail the minute he gets to germany ( i’m 30, and he’s 24 and he knew about this) please don’t lose the email, he said. and to tell you the truth, from those two times that we met, we could see that there’s alot in common between us, we both mentioned this. now my question is: why in the world isn’t he answering my mail?? he almost begged me to send him one. now i wish he didn’t give me his email from the first place, because i really wanted it to stay as a holiday romance experience, with a very attractive and nice turkish man that i had fun with. can you explain this to me please?? it’s driving me crazy!!
    thanks

    • says

      Hi Chris, Thanks for your comment. I can not answer that one for you as it is not a typical character trait of a Turkish man. I think you need to look at it like some type of outside influence. Maybe he thought twice about keeping in contact or some friends had a word in his ear. Maybe he changed his mind and wanted to keep it as a holiday romance as well. Very strange though that he insisted on email contact as normally the first methods of keeping in contact that are suggested are mobile phone numbers for texting or Facebook.

      • Max says

        As a turkish man let me give you a piece of advice.

        1) Waiters and staffers in turkey mostly from the east low education.
        2) They are all connected to the hotel /restaurant owners maybe even relatives.
        3) Each incoming female tourist will be divided among the staff even before they arrive into hotel.
        4) The only purpose is you guessed it , a better life. Money , get the hell out of the shithole, have some free sex, and all of the above. Of course this is encourage by the poor family because what else is there to do.

        5) No outsiders will be allowed to even talk to the hotel female tourists, forget bringing them back to your room. Hence as I read all these posts nobody has even had a chance to make contact a decent Turkish man.

        6) Everything will be all rosy as there is no other way to get the girl in bed and afterward made her marry you. Things will change when time comes.

        7) Read the above 6 again.

        • ELAINE GULER says

          MAX, YOU ARE SO RIGHT, I CANT BELIEVE YOUR ADMITTING IT IVE JUST BEEN CONNED BY MY TURKISH CONMAN HUSBAND,HE HAD HIS PASSPORT 2 DAYS AND HE VANISHED ,HE,S, TRYING TO TAKE HALF OF MY PROPERTY NOW. HE TOLD ME I WAS HIS BED AND BREAKFAST,HE SLOWLY CHANGED AFTER WE WERE MARRIED ,ESPECIALLY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE THIRD YEAR, BECAUSE THATS WHEN THEY CAN APPLY FOR A BRITISH PASSPORT,THEY ARE VERY CLEVER CONMEN,FANTASTIC ACTORS, THEIR FAMILIES ARE IN ON IT. LOOK UP TURKISH LOVERATS. GIRLS BE CAREFUL ITS ALL AN ACT LIKE MAX SAID, HE SHOULD KNOW, ME TOO.

  55. lucylee says

    everyone who is thinking about sleeping with turkish men on their holiday be very careful don’t be stupid they no how to get into your head aswell as your knickers it scares me to think how many people (young and old) are dont now what they are getting involved with trust us we know if they love you they will wait ask them questions get to know what they want because when your in too deep it might be too late just THINK!!!

  56. says

    Hi Michele,
    I’m touched by your story.
    If I may, if you are a Turkish man, you always feel the support of the family (how very un-macho!). I mean always. It’s not easy to risk it (or find something/someone to replace it).
    I do believe love conquers all. I mean if there is love, there will always be a way. Try to understand the reasons why they are “afraid” of a foreigner bride. (If you look closely, he already lives outside the lines, religious ones).
    I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for you.

    Best wishes,

    Levent

  57. Ya?am says

    Hi everyone!

    When I was searching job offers (if i can find!) for my italian girlfriend, i came across with this blog n read almost all posts.  

    I’ve met my girlfriend during a port visit near the city Viareggio. I work as an officer for the Turkish navy and i stayed in that port for a month. So we had enough time to get to know each other a little. After that port visit, i navigated for 3 months more and we were in contact by sms. Then, we met again in istanbul and we started too see each other during weekends and holidays. 

    It has been 18 months till now and  we had a chance to live two different summer holidays which took a month each. Also, she made a good number visits to Turkey. I went there twice for a weekend, but it was tricky due to EU visa regulation. 

    Because of my 15-year contract to the navy, i cannot leave Turkey. I have to serve 11 more years and then i will be free. So, she has to come to Turkey for us. It is the biggest responsibility i ve ever felt. I hope that we are strong and lucky enough to succeed.  

    By the way, I’m a 26 year old Turkish man born in Mersin. I was raised in Antalya and the i moved to Istanbul for my high school and university education. My family is a traditional western Turkish family. But i dont live with them for 12 years. So i was not sure what they would say about my girl friend. But by the time i became closer to her, the interest of Italy started to increase. My mother was learning some recipies for pasta, my sis was searching wines online. So the question marks in my mind has erased. Also, my friends start to ask me when they can see a church wedding in Tuscany. 

    If i can tell what i faced till these days, it could be more helpful for readers. The cultural and religional were not so big things for us. Of course, i have tried a bit to clear her doubts about my country and my religion. I explained her the life i have been raised. I told her that my mom doesnt wear like afghans or even head scarf, my family are not religious, my sis can go out with her boyfriend, both my mom and my sis work in full-time jobs, i’m ok for the church wedding n etc..

    Funny things because of differences are happening too. We start to call the place we stay “Turkalia”. Also, i’m “stupidone”, she is “talibana”, we are both “Turkaliani”, i’m “gran turco” (a type of corn), i’m “brutto” (means ugly but it is a compliment). We speak “turkalia” language. The “Turkalia” country have a flag and national anthems are from Tarkan and Jovanotti, popular singers from both nations. 

    What i want to say last is the relation, of course, is very hard but the joy, the happiness that we share is worth. 

    I hope that i can be helpful to all women who share their thoughts and concerns about turkish guys in this blog by telling a bit about what happened so far in my long-distance relationship. 

  58. says

    Hi Yasam, I loved reading your story and thanks for taking the time out to tell us about it. I have a feeling that you and your girlfriend are going to be just fine despite the long distance relationship. It sounds like you are both mature and realistic about what can happen at this moment in time. I also hope you end up with a Tuscany wedding!
    Natalie wrote about..Hande Yener – Star of the Turkish Pop Music Scene

  59. Erica says

    Hiya, I was just mooching on the net wondering what other people’s opinions were on Turkish/British relationships and I felt I would like to share my story.

    I was 18 when I went to work in marmaris for the summer season with my friend. I met a Turkish guy over there. When I left we weren’t speaking but 2 months later he got in touch. I was so excited. He asked me to go to Istanbul in the winter. So I went got 2 weeks hol.

    This was in the jan and it wa amazing. I met all his family and it was lovely. I came home devestated I had to leave but we kept in touch. I’m the April he asked me to marry him. We lived apart for 2 years, only seeing each other 2 times a year. It was the hardest time ever. We got married 3 years after being together and he cam over here. That’s when things changed.

    The cultural differences were hard. He became more religious, moody because of England etc etc and 18 months after getting married I ended it. If he opened up more and treated me better then maybe things may have been different. I quickly met someone else and became pregnant. We were together 3 years and he was not much different as an English man.

    I finally left him 5 years ago and have been single ever since. I am 30 in jan. I have had lots of English men wanting to cheat on their wives and girlfriends with me, I’ve had some men talking the talk and only wanting one thing.

    I went on hol to gumbet this summer with my son and 10 others. I had no intentions of meeting anyone as I had been there done that and never wanted to go back. But then I meet this doorman on one if the bars. We spent a few nights together an I left him behind. We swapped numbers when we were there but did not expect or wanted to hear anything.

    A week later he calls me asking to go back out and see him. I thought oh here we go. We speak most days and he says he can tell the genuin girls from the smallest that go there. He says it doesnt matter how long you’ve spent with someone, you know if you like them.

    If am honest if an English man told me those things I would prob find it hard to believe due to my experiences. But I have decided to go back out there for a few days with my friend in one month. Spend some time with him. He knows I’ve been married to turkish man before and I’ve told him I will never make the same mistakes again.

    I’ve said I am not a typical English girl and as inhale been there and done that I will never make the same mistakes I did with my husband. I am very cautious still and I guess only time will tell. He has tourist visa and wants to come in the winter to visit me. He has been before to england so I know it’s not a visa he wants from me. He does seem genuine but I am keeping s very open mind.

    I am not sure I want to do the whole long distance thing again, it’s too hard but it may not even come to that. I will just see what happens when I go in October. I will keep you posted :)

    • says

      Hi Erica,

      Thanks for telling your story. Relationships are hard at the best of times and it sounds like you have not had much luck in the past. On what basis did your new man get his tourist visa? Please do come back and tell me how you get on in October. First of all, I hope you have a good holiday and second that you gain more of an understanding of whether this man is for you. XX

  60. Erica says

    Hi. Thanks for the quick reply. I have no idea how he has got his tourist visa. I don’t know the rules on what you need to get it. Me and my husband got the settlement visa so that was different. Again I knew my husband didn’t want English girl for a visa as we waited over 2 years and lived apart in that time.

    I think you just need to prove that you can support yourself whilst here on holiday without having to rely on benefits and people you’re stating with here. I know he has to take his papers to Izmir and to an examination to renew it.

    But yes, I’ve had some bad experiences and I would find it very hard to trust an english man. So I don’t think it matters where you live in the world, there are rotten men everywhere. But turkish guys do have a reputation. It’s a shame.

    But I will keep you posted :) and hopefully when I come home I’ll know more as to where this could go, if it can go anywhere. At the min I am unsure I want it to. But you can’t go through life waiting and wondering I think.

    Thanks again xx

  61. Turkish says

    hey dont forget you are with turkish guy and we dont know how many you dated so dont understand anything from this post because last time you was talking about not to date english girls.

  62. Andie says

    I dated a Turkish guy too when I met him on a holiday trip. It was the most amazing relationship I have ever been into! We are not together anymore but I am not whining. I knew we weren’t bound to last forever. So, to all Western or Asian women out there who are dating Turks, just enjoy every moment of it, watch over your wallet and don’t expect anything else. If you have no expectations or whatsoever, you won’t get hurt much…

    Thumbs up for this article!

  63. Ciara says

    Hi I agree that most turkish men are love rats ive read alot about it. I had a house in kusadasi and my father went over alot I only went in the summer but 2 years ago I went over with my family . My fathers friend owned a restaurant there and my father introduced me to the barman he seemed alot quieter than the others and I used to help him with the glasses. I got on with him well we exchanged numbers and I give him my facebook. we chatted everynight for about 2 months I got to know more about him.. anyway I have been in a relationship with him for over 2 years.. I explained to him how I didnt like him working as a barman in tourist area and I didnt think he would listen but he left his job and started to work as a carpenter with his uncle.. The thing is he doesnt like me around other men and i completely understand because I dont like him near other women other than that he doesnt mind what I wear and i eat pork infront of him he doesnt mind.. hes not really religious either hes very open minded about my culture.. Lately he hasnt been the same anytime phone him or he phones me hes with his friends and always out in their houses and i feel like i cant speak to him I have said to him but i feel like he puts his friends first and i dont like it. he even puts his friends before his family at times and has relationship been going down hill in the last month for that reason.. I also fight with him alot and accuse him of things that ive read or seen from magazines I know what turkish men can do to women and I dont want to be one of them women.. what do you think?

  64. says

    Hi Ciara, My honest opinion is that this relationship is not meant to be. You made him change his job and he states that he does not like you to be around other men. The fact is that women and men can be around people of the opposite sex without sexual reference or thinking. Why are you both placing restrictions on each other?

    For the friendship factor, it is that he puts his friends first or do you feel like he is losing interest in the relationship and has not realised it himself?

    My honest opinion is that your problems are nothing to do with the fact that he is Turkish. From what you have described these problems could occur in relationships of people of any nationality. Sounds like both of you need to talk face to face and decide if this relationship is meant to be. I am sorry if that is not what you wanted to read but from the words you write, this is affairs of the heart and not a clash of cultures and nationalities.
    Natalie wrote about..Kemer – The Sad Facade and an Obsession with the Euro

  65. Timur says

    Hi,

    I am Turkish man. I was born and raised in France. Every year I go on holiday to Turkey. I love my country.
    I would like to give my opinion about this topic.

    Many mature women are not able to find young men in their own countries so they go to Turkey or North Africa as they know they have a chance to find young man there. Those men are not interested by these women. All the want is a chance to live in Europe.

    Deep down these women know what these men are after, but for some reason they lie to themselves. They lie to themselves and then they blame young men for using them. Really, they bring it upon themselves. Nobody forces those women to go to these countries and get hurt.

    Young men just want a chance for a better life.
    We all want a better life, so you cannot really blame them for trying.

    I also notice, when Western women come to Turkey they behave superior to Turkish people. This is wrong way to behave. No nation is more superior to another nation.

    My advice to Western women: don’t go to Turkey or any other country of that kind and stick to men of your own culture. And if you do go, then don’t complain. You and you alone are responsible for your troubles.

    • says

      Hi Timur, many thanks for taking the time to write this. I do see a lot of truth in your words as well and some useful advice for those that think like you describe.

  66. Rebecca.M says

    Please women!!! every country has love rats and total waste of spaces! Turkey is no different to every other country in this world!
    if you are naive enough to take advice from people who fill there days up with giving out advice on dating turkish men, then you are just as pathetic as they are!
    Every relationship is different regarding age, race, sex, culture, nationality!
    It either works or doesnt, it depends on you as an INDIVIDUAL!
    Just the same if you we dating an english guy whos a mummys boy, lazy layabout, man whore etc…
    Just i feel that the emphasis is on the fact their turkish because you were swept away in this holiday romance!
    Lastly… come on do you really think that a 19-25 year old BOY would seriously want to date and marry a 40-60 year old woman after only spending 1-2 weeks with you! come on!!!
    i TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG! GET A LIFE AND DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS IN PRICATE AND STOP AIRING YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY IN PUBLIC!
    This is the first and last blog about this subject that i have commented on! I felt today was the day after being in a happy and successful relationship with a Turkish man for 6 years, to turn around and say FOR GOD SAKE STOP WITH THE STEREOTYPING! Because trust me im not the stereotypical ‘English girl’ that turkish men believe us all to be either! so who are we to stereotype them!!
    End of rant! phewwww (ignore spelling, and grammer wrote this before i laughed at myself for commenting and deleting it) hehe
    Rebecca.M

  67. Lisa says

    Yes, relationships with foreign women and Turks can work out. My Turkish husband and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary next week. I met him in the U.S. where we both still live. My husband is very Americanized, having spent over half of his life (23 years) here, so maybe that helps, I don’t know. However, we are amazed that though we came from opposite sides of the world, we were brought up with the same values.

    We live in the U.S. with our two children, but try to visit his family in Turkey every few years or so. I adore his family, but because of my limited Turkish and their limited English, we can’t have long meaningful conversations without my husband translating, which makes it hard for me to want to live in Turkey permanently. Also, we seem to get along better in the U.S. than we do in Turkey. Mostly because of my difficulty with the language and the heat–we can only go to Turkey in the summer during the kids’ school vacations.

    We try to meet in the middle, culturally. He isn’t religious, so that hasn’t been a problem for us. He has pretty much assimilated to American culture-not too difficult-but it was fun to visit Turkey the first time because it explained so much about him like the tea and the sunflower seeds and even the way he dances.

    We met when we both worked for the same company, so it was not a holiday romance. Maybe that’s why it has worked out so well. :0)

    I really like your blog, by the way. This topic was especially fun to read.

  68. sammi says

    im so confused now i really dont know what to do
    ive recently come back from turkey having met a gorgeous man, who gave me every single way to contact him upon my return and when i got home on the monday has rang twice a day text and spoke on msn every single day. he tries to speak english and often sits there on google translating into english what he wants to say. he has told me all about himself about his family. but im scared now after reading that most turkish men are love rats. i love talking to him it makes my day when he rings but truthfully i dont know what to do now….ANY ADVICE

  69. Chris says

    Hello. I posted on here nearly a year ago and I’m back for an update.
    My relationship with Murat is still going on and yes, he’s 30 years younger than me and I met him in Alanya. It was his first time there and he only stayed a few months. He didn’t like it.
    He comes from a traditional village in the east, Elazig. He worked in the kitchen of a restaurant that my sister and I used to visit. He was very shy and one of the waiters told me that Murat had no experience of women. I was his first!
    He didn’t come on to me, but I knew he was watching me all the time so I ended up speaking to him first. So I suppose it’s all my fault!
    It progressed with msn and webcam when I got home and text messages when he could afford it.
    I went to stay at his home last October and his mother loved me. Murat treated me like a queen and was very loving and romantic. He sang to me in Turkish, he put flowers on the bed, he put a plaster on my foot when I got a blister!
    He told me all the time “seni cok seviyorum”. The day I left he cried.
    I went back in May and again had a lovely time with him. We were both very upset when I had to leave.
    In September we had a week in Alanya together, which, admittedly, I paid for. He earns very little. He told me he earns 750 lira a month. What’s that, about 350 quid? And he works 6 days a week for that.
    On our last night he asked me to marry him and produced a ring. Just costume jewellery which was he could afford. Mind you, it came as no surprise because he has asked me many times before to marry him.
    I said yes. If anyone is wondering, I have no money either and I’ve explained that to him. All I have is my wages I earn each month, which isn’t much sat on a supermarket checkout. I have no savings and no home of my own either. I live with my sister.
    He knows he can’t come here. There is a rule in force now that to get a visa he has to pass an English test. Murat would never pass a test! His English is hopeless. I know loads of Turkish words although putting them into sentences is a different proposition!
    He wants me to go and marry him and live with him in Elazig. He is prepared to work twelve hours a day.
    He is completely devoted. I was his first and I think he just attached himself to me. He says we will be together forever.
    He knows how old I am. I have two grown up sons who are older than him. I have a two year old granddaughter. None of this seems to concern him.
    I pointed out that in 15 years I would be quite old and he would still be reasonably young. He said it’s not important. I said he should be with a young woman who will give him children. He said ” sen ve ben yeter” Me and him are enough!
    So I have a lot to think about. I love him very much but I would be leaving behind my life here and going and living somewhere very basic and not having much money.
    If I go, it could be a huge mistake. Or it could be wonderful. I haven’t had much happiness in my life for quite a while and I’m starting to think, what the hell, go for it, life is short, follow your heart and all those cliches.
    Sorry if I have rambled on, but I wanted to tell this story. I never in a thousand years would have thought that this could happen to me!

  70. says

    Sami – The only person who will know if he is a love rat is you. If he is, the signs will be there. Money, other women etc. If he is a love rat, warning bells will appear in your head. Just take it one day at a time. Don’t be scared of the man because of other stories. At least give him a chance first however if there is any sign of a love rat, then bail.
    Natalie wrote about..Kas – Mediterranean Delight in Turkey

  71. says

    Hi Chris, what a dilemma! Affairs of the heart can be so hard at times. 750 lira is not a lot of money and if he is working 12 hours a day, it can become very lonely for you. Please think carefully. for example, if you do not have a lot of money, catching flights back to see your kids and grandchild will need to become less frequent. Also if he is from a traditional family, how do his parents feel about no grand-kids? This is unheard of in traditional families. I hope you will update us on what you decide but please be very wise with your decision.
    Natalie wrote about..Kemer – The Sad Facade and an Obsession with the Euro

  72. Chris says

    Hi Natalie.
    Believe me, I have thought about nothing else for months now. I know I would spend long hours on my own. I’ve always been a bit of a loner and haven’t got a problem with my own company. But I can always watch telly here if I’m bored which I couldn’t do over there. Well I could, but it’s all in Turkish so I wouldn’t get much enjoyment out of it. And I couldn’t surf the net because in the village there is no internet access. He has to go into town to use the internet cafe.
    I also have given a lot of thought to the fact that a flight back home would cost a month’s wages for Murat.
    This is why I want to carry on working for a while and try to save and have some money behind me so I could pay for a flight back.
    Also there’s the small matter of the fact that I’m not actually divorced yet. I’m still going throught the process. Then there’s the 300 day waiting period for divorced women who want to marry again, which seems ridiculous to me. If you’re over a certain age that shouldn’t apply. I’m in my fifties and definitely not pregnant! I could get that rule waived which entails being examined by a doctor (more money) and applying to the courts and I’m sure there will be a fee for that as well.
    Also my son is getting married next September so I would need money set aside to come back for that. Or I could just wait and leave after the wedding but I doubt very much that Murat would be happy at having to wait another year. He’s been desperate to get me over there for months as it is.
    Or I could forget the whole thing which would leave both of us with a broken heart. You’re never to old to get your heart broken. I may not be a young girl any more but the thought of never seeing him again is unbearable.
    Oh and apart from my sister none of my family approve. All my elderly mother knows of Turks is what she reads in Take a break magazine and she insists he is up to no good.
    As for his parents, his father is dead and his mother loves me. She knows there won’t be any children from me. She already has several granchildren.
    So believe me Natalie, I’ve been in turmoil for many months. No one would want to be in my position.

  73. Chris says

    I just thought I would add something Natalie. To be honest, I wouldn’t expect it to last anyway.
    Murat is full of romantic ideas and talk about us being together until the grave though I pointed out that that would be here for me a lot sooner than for him! He got upset when I said that and told me not to say it again. But I’m just being realistic.
    He’s naive and this is his first experience of romance. I told him the first love is always special. I was trying to explain why he felt the way he did. He agreed I was special, he said I was the first one and would be the only one.
    I think he has unrealistic hopes. I really feel that after a couple of years he may become disillusioned and he may tire of me. Or I might tire of him. But let’s face it, no relationship comes with a cast iron guarantee.
    What have I got to lose? Well, if I came back at some point I would be coming back to no home and no job. But I haven’t got a home of my own anyway. I live with my sister and have been for two years. We are each others best friends and I’ve been very happy here, but I can’t stay forever. She has a boyfriend now, which she didn’t have before and I feel I’m in the way. And she has several grandchildren and I think at some point she would like to have them to stay and would like her spare room back!
    As for money, I have my name down for a council flat. It doesn’t cost me much to live here, but if I had a place of my own money would be tight once I had to start paying bills and rent and council tax.
    So I would be broke and on my own. I’ve had no interest from any men here, though to be fair, I don’t go out much and meet any.
    At least in Elazig I might be broke but I would have a lovely man to cuddle up to at night.
    I just wish he lived somewhere a bit more modern and forward thinking. Then again, if we lived in a big city that was more liberal I would worry that there was more chance of him meeting someone else. He swears he only wants me and will never love anyone else, but I’m very cynical and have seen a lot more of life than him.
    But at the moment I think it’s a no brainer. He’s very loving, very attractive and hasn’t got an ounce of fat on his firm young body! He also admits he is inexperienced in love and he wants me to teach him all about the physical side! Who wouldn’t want it!

  74. says

    Chris, I totally understand. When I left the uk I had nothing to go back to and that just motivated me even more. Even though you are being realistic, take steps to ensure your heart does not get broken. Heart break can stay with you for a very long time. Fingers crossed that this works out for you and you get a lot of happiness, whatever decision you choose.
    Natalie wrote about..Kas – Mediterranean Delight in Turkey

  75. Christine says

    hi im just back from marmaris and met a kurdish man over there , we spent all of the holiday together and i had a great time being spoilt by him , he was also on holiday , i am 40 and am divorced with grandchildren and he is also 40 and divorced with grandchildren and although he cant speak any english nor me turkish we communicated quite well. he cried when i left and begged me to come and stay with his mother and father and sister , as soon as i got home i booked the ticket and we are in touch every day but im starting to panic abit now i booked the ticket when i was still on a holiday high and im now thinkin i should of just left it as what happens on holiday stays on holiday ?

  76. says

    Hi Christine, If you want to leave it as “what happens on holiday stays on holiday” then cancel the ticket. However after that, will you always be wondering what if? If not, then there is no problem.

    However if you think you will, the ticket is booked, go and see what transpires. It is too early to say that you know this man and spending some more time together will give you a better idea of whether this is meant to be.
    Natalie wrote about..The Blue Cave and Kostos the Greek

  77. dreamgirl says

    im in love with a turkish man but im an asian girl
    our english doesnt good but we alway try to talk
    i never go to turkey so our love is just be in cyber
    he said tht he will try to come here but the hard part is his family coz they are so busy with their own shop
    even how much we love each other but he cant do follow he want coz he have to follow his mom
    so look like our plan to be together gonna be just a dream coz of my religion
    when i read ur topic it really made me scare more T T

  78. daisy says

    A little of me wishes I had never stumbled across this blog. I’m on the verge of starting a proper relationship with a man that I met on holiday. He fits all of the horror story criteria such as being younger than me, working in a fairly low paid tourist job etc. However, despite actively looking for the past four years, I haven’t met anyone who I want to be with like I do him. He makes me grin from ear to ear when we talk. I think about him when I wake up and it makes me happy all day. I want to believe to that he is genuine but then I feel like that about everyone. I’d rather be a mug all my life than see everyone as having ulterior motives.

    I’m going to go back out and see him in a few weeks and he is going to take time off work so we can spend it all together. He said he wanted to introduce me to his family but I said no to that. This visit is for me to decide whether I think there is a relationship there worth persuing.

    If it turns out that he just wants a visa and my non-existant money then at least I will have had an adventure and some joy out of it. I just wish I hadn’t read this as I am afraid I am now going to start looking for signs that he isn’t what he suggests and that might not be fair to him.

  79. Maci says

    Hi Natalie,

    I’m back! So, I just returned from my holiday in Turkey with my friend from my US university. He had asked me to marry him before, and I told him that I would need time. He respects that and flew me over to meet his family and to visit his country, which he loves very much. While on holiday, he took very good care of me. He put me up in a VERY nice hotel and paid for EVERYTHING! I would not stay at his home because I would have felt a bit odd. He took me on a tour of his town, we spent every waking hour (when he wasn’t working) together, and he treated me so well. I met his friends and family, and stayed overnight at several homes during my 14 day stay in country. Although this was a bit different for me, I was prepared because I had done my own research of customs, and he told me things as we went along. I am falling in love with him all over again, and could see myself marrying him, some day. We have agreed to take things a bit slowly because of our differences, and getting to know one another now is a bit tougher than we could have imagined. I will return to Turkey in December, and the children will visit with me in summer. He has already booked and paid for our accomodations and is really looking forward to the visits. I think Turkey is one of the most beautiful places in this world and I welcome the possibility of living there some day. Thank you for your advice and I will remain in touch.

  80. sarah says

    hi i was happy to have read this website.i have a turkish bf he is 43 and im 25years old im asian.we have been together 2years livng together now?3years ago i meet him at my mom friend birthday party we talke etc and later sms evryday after 3mnths we have dated.till we just dicide to live together?im happy with him hes so sweet kind faithfull?i wont find guy like him can i?my parents are againts in hes ages
    but i did not care i love him of being he is.but he once married now devorced had one son 13years old?i know hes friend by skype and phne but not hes parents.so we live together just me and him far from my parents.my problems is my friends around me are concern about me.and they ask me when wil you guys marry but he doesnt give answer. and i was shocked of him.i hope you guys can give me advice??

  81. daisy says

    Hiya

    I have been having a think since I read all this and posted that comment. Fortunately I didn’t have the opportunity to speak to my guy for a good 24 hours after all this because I was on quite a downer and would probably have sat and accused him of all sorts. I can just picture his hurt little face now had I done so.

    Anyway, I talked it through with some friends and they rather correctly pointed out that I was actually using him more than he is using me, if indeed he is (still innocent till proven guilty). I can’t see myself moving to Turkey as I like my UK life too much and as someone twice divorced I have too hard a shell to likely marry again. I am entering into this relationship looking for a bit of fun and knowing that it will end, yet I haven’t been clear to him about that.

    The fact is that whilst I have had plenty of interest, I haven’t met anyone I wanted to reciprocate that with in years and I am loving having those feelings again and getting the attention. I had my wobble because after two husbands failing to be faithful, I really want to feel attractive and desired because of me rather than my country of birth or bank account. That is really behind what I felt with the suggestion that he might not be genuine, not that I am giving away my heart.

    Anyway, after wavering for 24 hours and recognising that, I have now booked flights to go over at the beginning of December and basically spend some time in a never before visited city with my own personal guide who will also keep me warm at night.

    I recognise that it is a bit of a double standard that I am hoping he is genuine to me whilst knowing that I am never going to be more than a friend so I think it is only fair that I make sure that he understands I am not in this for the long haul and that I am only ever going to be a stop on the highway for him.

    And, if he does get the chance to break my heart then at least that will mean that he was so amazing that I gave it to him, which can never be a bad thing.

  82. says

    @Maci – I am so glad the visit worked out for you. Turkey is a great country. When you visit in December, it will be a lot colder though. I hope the children enjoy the visit as much as you did as well.

    @Sarah – Is marriage something you want? If so, then ask him his ideas and thoughts on it. If not, then just let things be and enjoy your time together. Be prepared though that if you ask him about marriage, the response might not be what you want to hear.

    @Daisy – It reads that there are a lot of different thoughts going through your head. Most of them are conflicting with each other. Before you tell this fella that you are not in it for the long haul, remember that your visit will send a different message. Also women who are not in a relationship for the long term are thought differently here to how they are in the western world. Don’t tell him that and still expect his respect after. TBH – reading your comments, it sounds like you are very confused. Go on your visit in December and think again after that visit as to whether this man is for you.
    Natalie wrote about..Butterfly Valley

    • Maci says

      Hi Natalie,

      I have spoken to my friend via skype almost everyday since my holiday and I must say he’s a really great guy. We have agreed to take things slowly, but he is being pressured to marry soon by his mother. The family has accepted me, but is it really such a big deal to be married? We are in different countries at the moment, and I still have 2 full semesters of college before graduating with a nursing degree. After graduation, will I be able to work as a nurse in Turkey being that I am an America? There are so many unanswered questions about the future of our relationship. I am a hard worker, and I am happiest when I can do what I enjoy and I enjoy working. I fear his mother’s need for him to marry may add too much presure on our relationship because she also wants him to produce a child once we are married and according to our plans, that is about 2 years away. Am I overstressing this issue? Where can I get information on employment there once I am ready to make the move? He has made arrangements for myself and my children (from a previous marriage) to come back to Turkey for 60 days next Summer in order for the children to “test the waters” to see if they will adapt ok as well as to build a relationship with them since this will be their first face to face meeting. They are very excited and looking forward to the trip. My big question in this entire situation is, will I be able to practice nursing in Turkey? If not, I don’t think I can make the move, which will bring him back to the US, but would that be fair of me to ask of him? I am so confused…

      • says

        Hi Maci, Thanks for coming back to tell me how you are getting on. Unfortunately marriage is a bid deal and you are right in that after marriage, kids will be the next thing on the agenda. Don’t let the pressure force you both to make a hasty decision. Just explain politely that you are not ready to make that commitment and discuss with your man why. After 5 years of marriage with a Turkish man, we still get a lot of questions as to why we have no children however we don’t let that pressure affect us because the decision is only ours and no-one elses. This is one situation in life when you can not do things to please other people. You also have to see how your children will adapt to the situation next summer.

        Re the nursing. You will not automatically be entitled to work in Turkey as soon as you are married. After three years, you will get your citizenship and then you can work in any trade however before then you will still be classed as a foreigner. A nurse is one of those jobs that is reserved for Turkish citizens and I have never heard of a foreigner working as one.

        Look further into this though. Perhaps there are some charities or volunteer programs that can help you to get your foot in the door. Perhaps there are some Turkish – American associations who could point you in the direction of schools for foreigner children that need a nurse. Maybe there are some nursing associations who also offer placements in other countries in return for experience.

        If you are getting confused, just remember that you can not make any decisions as to your future until the kids have been to Turkey. Until then, you have all that time to research so that your questions can be answered. of course, if I can help at any time, just let me know.
        Natalie wrote about..The Lonely Owl – Photo Post

  83. Sara says

    I am dating a Turkish guy who lives in London and works as a hairdresser. I’m still not sure if I can trust him to want me for me. He took ages to ask me out but is quite moody and very black and white about things, almost rude!

    Should I continue with the relationship?

    • says

      Sara, the only one who can answer that question is you. If it feels right then continue with the relationship and discuss his moods with him. However if you do not feel that he is the one for you then finish it. Your situation is different from many of them as it is not a holiday romance.

  84. Annie says

    soo… there is this kurdish guy… we met a month ago and me an my friends were at this resturant where he worked… right away he got his attention on me, when we were there he always came over to me, held my hand, hugged me from behind or kissed me on the cheek… he and the others that worked there came with us every night after work to party or just to be in our company…. the one night he tried to kiss me on the mouth, but i tried to “get away” from him… he got sad and didn’t understand what he did wrong… of course he didn’t do anything wrong… but it just hit me, he is from turkey/kurdistan and it would never work…. because of his and my parents… and we have total different culture… and no one in my family would accept it.. when we left again to our home country he was really sad, but said he would contact me through the internet… and guess what he did… we have been writing for a month.. and he keeps saying he misses me so much and loves me, and that his heart is with me…. his mother however has found him a girl and wants him to marry her, but he dosen’t want that .. because he is in love with me… next summer me and some friends of mine are planning on going to turkey again… and he says he wants to see me again… of course i want to see him also, because he is such a sweet and kind person.. i have only heard bad stories of turkish men, but these three we met, changed my point of view… and so did this boy that claims his love to me…. we write almost everyday, not every but almost.. his best friend knows about me…. i haven’t told my parents and he hasn’t told his… of course i have told him that this would never work, we live far away… different culture and so on…. but he dosen’t care he says…. he wont let other boys get me he also says…. i have told him that we can just be friends, he is ok with that, but he wont take anyother girl because one day he will get me as his girl…. i really don’t know what to do here…. and then he keeps reminding me that his heart is with me and he cant give any other girl his heart because i stole it .. and he hasen’t been with any girl since he met me … is this real??? i don’t know how to trust him or anything he says, when all i have ever heard is ” … stay away from turkish men”

    • says

      Hi Annie, Thanks for your comment. When this boy says he loves you, do you really think he does? I am a cynic and I don’t believe that you can love someone within a couple of weeks. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I do believe in lust at first sight though and think that a lot of people confuse their feelings of lust with love including this boy.

      Also he says he won’t let other boys get you. While this may be chivalry in some eyes, this is disturbing. You are your own person and beholden to no one until you make a commitment which it sounds that you have not done. Also when people make commitments to each other, trust is important and him protecting you from other boys should not even be a discussion if the commitment and bond is strong.

      If he does not want to be with another girl, that is his decision but don’t think that because he does this, you owe him something. . if you still want to keep in touch with him, then do so on a friendship basis and take this with a pinch of salt. If the relationship is meant to be, life has a way of making it so.

      Until your return to Turkey, continue to lead your life as you would do normally. Do not focus all your attention on this relationship as you may subconsciously shut out opportunities and friendships. Take a step back and look at the situation like an outsider. This will give you more insight into him and his character and help you decide if this is something worth pursuing. Also take it slowly, if you are not sure of something there is no need to rush. Hope that helps you. Please do give me an update at some point in the future.
      Natalie wrote about..Photo Post – Up Close and Personal

  85. says

    i meet a turkish man this time last year and im english… and we are now happy and married.. i know im only 17 but not all turkish men are the way people make out.. you just need to give and take. i live in england still and he comes here every 6 months and i go there for the other, you just cant be greedy

  86. özlem says

    Hello Everybody,
    I enjoyed to read all of comments written here in the post.
    Here comes some comments from one turkish girl who was born and raised in Antalya, heart of tourism in turkey and currently living in Austria for her master study.
    Personally I was told the other side of the story all the time, lots of old women come for sex tourism to turkey and after getting what they want from their young inexperienced boys, most of whom coming from east,upon returning their homes and telling how exciting their holidays were even make themselves believe that love could be on the way :)… As a turkish citizen, I would like to assure you that there are also people who are ashamed of these young men being representation of Turkey. However, As Britian is not all with Hooligans, our country is not either limited with those young macho men mostly uneducated, seeking women to trap with their surprisingly high self-esteem.
    Again, as a turkish citizen, I am very ashamed of hearing each time I am on holiday with my parents from one animator or waiter or whoever, that he spent the previous night with one hot chick coming from X county and was delighted and amuseed how easy and hilarious it was!
    I only would like to tell that please be careful to hotel staff while being on holiday in Turkey, I really wonder if it is really hard to understand that you wont be the last costumer in the hotel during the peak season neither their last love…

    And as for the editor, Thanks for creating such a blog to share your ideas upon Turkey.
    I tried to glance at other posts as well. But what I have realized and wonder (hope I am wrong!) why most of the time “underdeveloped” or somehow “backward” places of the Turkey and people are in headlines and subject to most of your articles? For example I have never seen that one university or academic branch is being introduced in a detailed way but wherever I read is either waiter man or camel fights :) or it was what you have seen in Turkey all the time? May be we might not be able to introduce ourselves enough but i think there is also modern face of turkey which should be mentioned…
    Thanks again,
    Özlem

    • says

      Hi Ozlem, Thanks for your comment. I too, have heard people raise the conversation that a lot of foreign women do come specifically to Turkey for holiday sex. After all, the saying is that it takes two to tango.

      Re the topics of my articles. I have focused a lot on traditions and culture as that is what I am seeking in Turkey. A lot of modern Turkey that I have come across can be found on any street in any city of the world. I love history and touring ancient sites. I love writing articles that highlight topics that are specific to Turkey.

      Having said that, I am taking on board your comment that modern Turkey needs to be highlighted. Mainly because I still come across people on the internet who presume Turkey to be a third world country!

      Perhaps there is some way that I can present this article while keeping in line with the travel theme and not sounding like a political blog instead. A visit to a art exhibition maybe or a city tour like Ankara. I will keep on thinking and try to put something together. Thank you for the suggestion.
      Natalie wrote about..Mount Tahtali – To the Sky in a Cable Car

    • niyazi says

      I was reading comments here with a smile, thinking that how different people can perceive other events and other people depending on socio-cultural background. I am a turkish man, living in Istanbul, 38 years old, marieed with one dougther. I dont like sun&see holidays, and therefore went to mediterranean coast just for 2 times in my life (severeal short visits for business too, but nothing touristic) The stories written here are so distant to me that its like from other planets. So what I will write down is just a sociological observations. Once, when me and wife were in Fethiye region, in a boat tour I recall I noticed something so weard: a boat crew boy, about 20′s, from a rural background, uneducated, was flirting with two british women, about 40-50′s at the same time, hand jokes and some ugly looking non-polite behaviour. That relationship was so obviously sex driven and alcohol based. Even that seemed strange to me, I thought that there is a mutual settlement between those people and its not my duty to carp about it. After all, that is a hollyday adventure and sometimes moral clichees can be set aside. BUT, obviously that was a sex advanture, however, most woman seems that they cannot see basic sex advantures as it is. It is a woman habit that, they attach some emotional, behavioral expectations to that affair and expect it to be a long term real relationship. Looking just as a stranger from outside and an observer, what you see is obvious: a muscled, tanned, lovely boy with a mature lady is not supposed to be a long term romantic relationship. And if you look closer, you can see 2 more things: 1) that boy is so hungry for sex, because they have hundreds of social chains that bound him to his tribe, family or so on.. that hollyday destination job is his only way to freedom, he can live his life there without that bounds, during the job season. what u see is not his real life, its just his unleashed version. you can see real him just when his father is by his side. 2) young boys do have passiond and expectations for better life. They want to prolong that short time of freedom to their entire life. There is sex, alcohol and better life conditions, so its very easy to say I love you. maybe he really loves. But, that magic will pass away quite soon. You should know that, its a rule of thumb. :) What is sad about that story is, those miserable young boys are presented to the world in all travelblogs as “the awful turkish man”. Sorry, but I dont except that as a “real turkish man”. So everybody, please follow the common wisdom. :)

  87. Sam says

    Ive been reading your blog with much interest. I visited a beautiful part of Turkey for the first time this year, having never really wanted to travel to Turkey and certainly not knowing the reputation of English women. I too attracted the advances of a very kind, sincere Kurdish waiter. To cut a long story short, I was reluctant to his advances but gave him a chance and then went back out to visit approx 6 weeks later – and paid for nothing. I am not rich but am prepared to pay my way but he was nothing but a perfect gentleman for the entire time.

    There is a 11 year age gap (he is my junior) and we have remained in touch via internet and mobile since my return. He has not promised me anything and says I am his best friend and that he saw a sadness in my eyes and just wanted me to be happy. He saw correctly and succeeded in making me happy. :)

    I am probably the reverse of most situations on here and find myself wanting to know him more rather than the other way around, however I am keeping my feet on the ground and enjoying the happy moments as beautiful memories. He says the time we shared was special and beautiful and he will never forget it and I feel up to considering the cultural change but feel he is not ready for what I would like.

    We are trying to teach each other respective languages which is fun and I would love to spend longer in Turkey and work to see how I feel in the country and culture. The only thing I can say is that when I returned alone to Turkey to visit him, I felt nothing but peace and felt as if I had arrived home when my flight landed in Turkey. You only live once – enjoy the life and if you get a broken heart, know that it will heal but that the pain you feel means you can experience love. :)

    • says

      Hi Sam, What a lovely comment that you left. Also one that sounds like you have your feet on the ground, taking it one step at a time. If something comes from it then great but if it does not, you just want to enjoy the experience. Also know what you mean about the plane landing in Turkey and you feel that you have come home. Amazing feeling isn’t it?

      • Sam says

        Thanks Natalie. I just wanted to add that this amazing Kurdish man did not want anything from me – he wanted to make me happy! I have unfortunately had some extreme relationship issues in the past and I do NOT trust easily but I believe without a shadow of a doubt that this was the most genuine man I have ever met and even if the relationship does not continue, I have no doubts that the friendship will. :) I really find your blog useful and interesting – thank you. :)

  88. Chris says

    Hi Natalie, it’s Chris back again who’s in a relationship with Murat who is 30 years younger.
    Well it seems I’m not in that relationship any more. Murat had said that he would rent a house for us. But two weeks ago he lost his job. I thought it was over then, but he assured me that I could live at home with him and his mother. We had already had this debate. The house belongs to his older brother and he doesn’t approve of me. There was no way he was going to let me stay there. He tolerated me for a week, but that was it.
    Murat vowed then that he would work long hours so he could pay rent on a home of our own. Then he lost his job so the original plan to live with his mother was brought up again. I asked about his brother. He said “brother go” which I took to mean he had gone away so I was relieved. We talked about wedding plans.
    The very next day he told me it was over! He left a Facebook post saying that he had argued passionately with his brother, who wouldn’t budge.
    I believe in these traditional families the older brother is very much the boss, especially when the father is dead.
    He sounds so sad and resigned. He says he has no money, work is very hard to find in Elazig in the winter, how can he run a house with no money, he’s tried everything but it’s not to be. He said I deserve better and he hopes I find someone else and how sorry he is and he still loves me and will I please forgive him. He signed off with “elvada” which apparently is like a final farewell.
    He gave me false hope. He said his brother was gone and I thought we had a chance. I am so angry and hurt and actually I’m devastated.
    Our relationship had been going on for a year and a half and he swore undying love and when we were together it was wonderful.
    I can’t believe it. I love him so much and he loved me. I think it must have been so hard for him to write those words. I am heartbroken. Maybe I’ve had a lucky escape, but I was prepared to give everything up for him and I keep hoping he will have a change of heart. Though really, I see his point. The situation is hopeless.
    He’s been such a major part of my life for so long now. I really can’t imagine my future without him.

    • says

      Hi Chris, What sad news. Yes, you are right. In the traditional families, when the father has died, responsibility falls to the oldest son.

      It sounds like the cards are just not stacked in your favour and perhaps it was better that you discover that now. After all, do you want to spend years of having no money in the winter and having to move in summer to find work?

      I think he will still stay in contact with you and at times of weakness, he may lean on you emotionally so be prepared because you need to look after yourself first.

      Time is the only thing that is going to heal your heart but if you ever need to talk privately, just to get things off your chest, use the contact form on the top of the site. Big hugs and stay strong XXX
      Natalie wrote about..Kalkan – Inspiration on My Solo Holiday

  89. boo says

    I met a Turkish man on holiday this summer and i really took a liking to him, basicaly its your usual story, he texted me all the time blaa blaa i went back to see him again and then a few weeks later i discovered he also had a dutch girlfriend who he was to meet in istanbul for a holiday together. he eventually told me the truth and said he had arranged all of this before he met me and since meeting me i was all he wanted blaa blaa… i wasnt stupid he had lied already so i wasnt about to beleive him so i deleted everything to do with us having contact but he kept re adding me and sending me messages. One day he sent me a message which almost made me feel abit sorry for him, so i started talking to him again. He said he was sorry for everything and would never lie again. So far he seems honest with everything but i dont trust him at all… i am to return in january with my friend and he says he wants to take me to meet his family, this makes me wonder if maybe he is being genuine now because he comes from a traditional turkish family and they only want him with a Turkish woman so this is a big risk for him… I hope that he is real this time round but if he isnt it will be his loss. I am going to Turkey for the whole summer this year in a relationship or not so if he ruines it he will have to watch me move on with my life in front of him.

    • says

      Hi Boo, Don’t assume that meeting the family is a sign that he is genuine. Also do not assume that because he says he is not with the Dutch girl, that he isn’t.

      From your last sentence however, it sounds like you are taking this with a pinch of salt however if it turns out to be a lie again, you are quite prepared to pick your life up and go on without him. Definitely the way to be
      Natalie wrote about..The Lonely Owl – Photo Post

  90. lolly says

    hi
    id holidayed in turkey for many years and never wanted turkish romance, then i met my man.
    i have had a fab marriage to a turk for 10 wonderful years,before we married i told him i was unable to have children id know since i was 21, , and he accepted that, our marriage was always fun loving and we doted on each other, he has been under tremendous pressure for years from his mother to have kids, to the fact 3 years ago she threatened to disown him!! 4 years ago he found a photo of an ex boyfriend and left me for 3 weeks returning to turkey, he told me he seen a solicitor to divorce me, he returned to the uk, after 5 weeks he came home and we got back on track, we remained on that happy road of life till may this year when i was served divorced papers out of the blue!!, the hearing had took place in turkey without my knowledge on the grounds of 3 years seperation, and the judge had decided to agree to divorce.. i was served the notice of the hearing and the results of the hearing 3 weeks after it took place. he said it must have continued from 2007, he cried & cried , said life was so unfair us not being able to have his own child, surrogacy is illegal and against islam, and said he had to have a family before his mother died. he had been looking online to marry a moroccan woman to have his children,and would marry her as soon as possible, he wanted a morrocan muslim because they are very submissive, she was just to bear his children. its like a transaction.
    i cant believe he has treated me this way, im devastated, i have obviously kicked him out and he still fulfilling his financial commitments so not all bad. he is so unhappy without me, and says he has given up a happy life for a family. im so unhappy without him and miss my life so much,
    this is a warning that turk men probably never accept the childness issue, and the family always win despite the love they have always shown me.
    most of his turkish friends are divorced in the uk, we were lucky to be so happy, his friends we always jealous, they all think he is right divorcing me, none of them treated their english wives well and have little or nothing to do with their offspring, and no one i know thinks he is right because i had lain all my cards on the table from the off. ,
    you never get in to a turk mans mind.

    • says

      Lolly, thanks for taking the time out to write this comment telling us about your experience. So sad especially as this relationship was not about a summer fling. It was ten years of your life. You seem to be strong though and I hope that one day, he realizes just how much of a big mistake he has made
      Natalie wrote about..The Lonely Owl – Photo Post

  91. Chris says

    Regarding Lolly’s story, I do think the children issue is quite a big one. At work we have a Turkish man ( well, a couple actually, they were the lucky ones, they got in)and when I told him that Murat had said he didn’t want children he almost shouted “Rubbish! I tell you now, rubbish!”
    I think you were right Natalie, Murat will stay in touch. We talked this morning on msn and we have said we will always be friends, though I don’t know if I can do that. But I can’t bring myself to cut all ties either. I don’t just want him. I really care about him and worry what will happen to him.
    But he is adamant that he has nothing in his life and it’s not right to expect me to live in poverty with him and that I should find someone else. Trouble is I don’t want anyone else.

    • says

      Hi Chris. Yes children are a big issue as the Turkish culture is so family orientated. A very difficult situation.

      With Murat, you might not want someone else now but in the future you never know who is going to come your way. Just be careful that if you are staying in touch with Murat, that in some weird twist you don’t end up as the mistress in his life. I have seen that happen on quite a few occasions with promises that they only married to keep the family happy and the mistress is really the one they love. Don’t accept second best. Also try to move on without Murat, because if you are hang up on him you might miss someone else who comes into your life. XXXX

    • lolly says

      Many turkish men dont see the role of participating in some relationships and fatherhood often not as we accept, they may accept they will live away from their children, the role of care is clearly the mothers, i have known of a mother being beaten for their childs disobedience, as with arranged marriages, some turkish men see the marriage for example economic, ie protect family money son marry cousins, to benefit the family & the thought of a better life in England, often matches are discouraged as the family want the best secure financial future, love often doesnt play a part. Some woman marry these men without looking into the culture and their expectations of marriage, hence the conflict and failed relationships. Woman often arent part of decision making, where in english culture, our world is full of career women, but traditionally if a woman doesnt marry & give birth she is a failure. As a member of the turkish wives club most turkish men, really do think they are so very special, this is due to high status they have amongst mothers and sisters, they often dont handle well, woman who stand up them, if they are insulted by words or actions they may not react well.
      Words and feelings of a woman are often dismissed, but hurt them its unforgivable like our pain not important, and theirs is greater. IF you want to enter into a relationship with a turkish man, do your homework, and their wont be so many surprises, they are the master of the talk, love and roamnce, and getting what they want.
      I KNOW THE JOY OF LOVING A TURKISH MAN, AND THE PAIN OF LOOSING ONE. good luck everyone, i wouldnt swap my time and joy with no-one x

  92. reena says

    Hi Natalie,

    Your blog is ausm for people around the globe to understand the scenario faced by individuals.
    I am an asian and have just turned 40 :) I am a divorcee but I moved on with no regrets cause I feel u need to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST !!! before getting into any relationship whichever part of the globe you belong :) Currently I have been learning french from busuu.com which is a Learning Community for europeon languages. A Week before I registered in this site and i have been learning french sincerely and out of the blue one turkish guy buzzed me and we started talking thru skype and to be precise we started of talking from the start day and I have started learning Turkish.. I feel this really like a dream but I have my own priorities in life… So if it goes on consistency base then I may give a shot. So my opinion never get carried away in general by any men around the globe. So viewers read this book it would be useful : Why men dont listen and women can’t read maps.

    Cheers
    Reena

    • says

      Hi Reena, yes your words are so true. Emotions of the heart can be a rollercoster ride and sometimes you need to come back down to earth. men all over the globe can also break our hearts

  93. Ashleigh says

    I have been dating a Turkish man for 3 months now – I live in the UK and him in Istanbul. He is a very successful businessman and he always treats me perfectly when we are together either in Turkey or the UK (we try to spend regular weekends together – every 2 weeks). He is hard working and respectful, I am also a professional so love his work ethic very much. He is divorced with a daughter and we are in daily contact. I have been divorced for 2 years and this is my first relationship since my ex-husband.

    I guess my question is could this be the real thing? I have no reason to doubt his commitment, but do have a slight wonder… is he really divorced? will the relationship go anywhere – I am trying to protect myself, but my heart beats super fast when we are in each others arms and when he sings his silly love songs to me and when he kisses me :-) He is very intelligent and we have great deep and interesting conversations. He is in love with me and has shown some of his jealousy, but has been diplomatic about how this is delivered!
    Can long distance work?

    • says

      Hi Ashleigh. The only thing that is going to tell if this romance is for real, is time itself. You simply have to let it run through the emotions and if it is meant to be then it will. Sure you are trying to protect yourself but sometimes in life, we have to leave ourselves vulnerable in order to enjoy the pleasures that come our way. I think that eventually, if it does turn out to be the real thing, one of you will have to re-locate. Long distance works for a while but not all the time.

  94. alper says

    natalie i am a turkish man and i think you are a witch. i am joking, lol. it is good that you warn women about some type of turkish men and you are absolutely right. i am not racist but believe me ladies most of the guys from turkey who chase foreign women just for their own benefits such as money, visa etc. are poor, uneducated kurdish boys coming to the west coasts of turkey from eastern sides of turkey to work and earn some money and dreaming about marrying a foreign woman to migrate richer western countries. turkish girls also dislike those guys. they even have little chance for turkish girls. i can even say that turkish girls prefer to marry a foreign man to marry a this type of man. but unfortunately i see all foreigner ladies in turkey so close with those guys. they are generaly waitstaff and it is very easy to notice them. they are different than other turkish men. i think women all are very naive. you have a stereotyeon your minds as a perfect man. when you meet this kind of stereotype which are bad boys usually, you try to go for it without thinking the results. whereas, there are always some good boys you do not notice. desperate women are everywhere unfortunately.

    • says

      Hi Alper, Your last sentence that starts with “I think all women are naive” If you change that to I think “some” women are naive then I will agree with you. They go for the stereotypical bad boy look. As another reader also pointed out, there are some women who come to Turkey specifically looking for a boyfriend. Also not all Turkish love rats are from the east either.

    • Sahin says

      Alper is really right about the kurdish guys. The think that i can not understant how the ladies can trust this kind of guys. And Natalie, they are not Turkish love rats. They are kurdish.

      • Zeynep says

        How come every single sleazy guy that I met in turkey was Turkish then? By the way I’m Turkish too (but always get mistaken for an english girl) so I know the difference

  95. Charlotte says

    I found this article totally by accident, but it made me laugh. I’m married, and will probably never have occasion to pick up a much younger Turkish man at a resort (although if the hottie in the bandanna is a typical example, I might want to rethink that).

    I had no idea this was a ‘thing’. I just wanted to tell you that the words ‘Turkish Love Rats’ makes me giggle.

  96. Martha says

    i met my turky guy via facebook and we have almost 4 month dating via chat , he told me he is in love with me and invite me to go to Istanbul in January , and to make my story short i found out he also invite other girl to visit him in December , thank God i cancel my trip , we need to be careful on this kind of social network i talk with the other girl and both agree to get rid of him , my family told me to be careful with this but i was in love with him and didint paid attencion , so now i am so relieved i ddidnt went another thing what about if you know something about sex traffiking in Turkey because he always said he going to rent an apartment for us that if i didnt have money he pay half for the tiket it make me feel that have other intencion by the way he work in a resort on Bodrum

    • says

      Hi Martha, Thanks for telling your story. It is important for girls to know that Facebook is popular when it comes to Turkish men looking for single females. They befriend as many girls as possible. The first warning sign is when they say they love you as they have never met you so how do they know? Yes, sex trafficking does happen in Turkey but it is a small minority who fall prey to this danger. A majority of the Turkish men are Facebook are looking for other means to deceive the women as they can be traced back should anything happen to the girl.Well done for getting out when you did.

      • Mary says

        Hi, Natalie
        I love your very interesting blog. What a shame I hadn’t come across it before I got involved with my Turkish guy who is twenty years my junior. I thought me was much older. I looked younger but he knew my age and did not care in the slightest.

        I was very surprised that such a handsome younger guy would show an interest but then guys his age HAD asked me out at home. Also, many of my best friends were and still are in his age group.

        I had always refused to date a younger guy but M seemed so quiet and mature and the chemistry between us was amazing, the kind that you rarely come across in life.And it was and is still mutual. I have no doubt about that.

        We got on really well, had a similar sense of humour, and time flew when we were together. He did all the things typical of a guy who was in love, including taking me to nice places, buying me jewellery and perfume and even encouraging me to drive his beloved car.

        I was not on holiday when we met. I was actually working in Turkey at the time. I ate daily at the locals’ restaurant where he worked. It took him a month to ask me out via his brother( in case I mortified him by refusing).I thought he was just being nice to a regular customer by offering to take me sightseeing on my day off. Er, no.

        We met every night and spent his day off together every week. I worked in the resort for a further month and then returned home.(I’m Irish) During our six month relationship, we texted and Skyped every day, chatting online for two hours a night.

        I went back to visit three times but we didn’s stay together overnight until during some of my second trip. He had qualms about that, he said. I have just returned from my third trip but it was the quiet season this time and he was not working like before but I knew he was preoccupied about something.

        He would not tell me at first as he said was afraid that if he told me the truth, I would go home immediately and never return bui I pressed him and, very reluctantly, he came clean. He’d been married for almost five years to his second cousin, whom he had known all his life. They had no children, they got on well, and she was a good wife but he loved me not her and it was me he wanted to be with not for a fling but for life.

        Then came another bombshell.He begged me to meet her! She knew of my existence as a friend of his and his brothers. I was aghast initally but I found myself eventually agreeing to meet her. It would be painful but good for me to see the reality of the situation and if she ever found out down along the line, I owed this innocent person the chance to at least put a face to the other woman so that she would realise that I was not your average husband-stealing monster.

        To my surprise, I was able to compartmentalise my feelings for most of the visit. She was a lovely person, cheerful and smiling as as clearly besotted with her husband as I was. We actually got on well! Seeing their romantic wedding photo on the wall, I felt a stab of pain but, the visit was cordial and friendly.

        M was relieved and happy and he said afterwards that he could tell she really liked me,something he had anticipated. If I moved to Turkey to live, as I had been planning, he said, he would tell her about us.

        She would either go back to her parents’ house in their home town, they would divorce and we could marry or she would be upset for a week or two and then accept me as a second wife, and we could be married by the local imam! All nice and neat!My head was reeling!

        When he took me to the airport a few days ago,my English friend who had known him for a year longer than me but who also had not known he was married, said that he was genuinely upset and emotional because I was leaving. It was very obvious to her.

        So here I am, back home in the cold, in every sense. I am in love with a married Turkish man, who does love me, as he has said all along. My time with him was lovely-always. He lit me up like a Christmas tree and his brothers and co-workers say to this day that he really loves me.

        In your experience,Natalie, is the type of arrangement he proposed actually socially accepted in Turkey and, if so, does it actually ever work out?

        By the way, he says if I do not come back to him within three months, he will follow me because as far as he is concerned, I am and will always be the love of his life.

        Everybody considers him a really nice, kind person, very respectful and considerate yet he is a lively enough chap to have hidden a wife for six months!

        Beam me up, Scottie!

        • says

          Hi Mary, thanks for telling your story and really sorry that it did not work out for you. To answer your question “In your experience,Natalie, is the type of arrangement he proposed actually socially accepted in Turkey and, if so, does it actually ever work out?”

          No, it is not socially accepted in most circles. It is a very outdated practise. In the 1920′s, it was made illegal for a man to have more than one wife. Most of the country has moved on with the law but there are some areas where they get around it by having a legal wedding and a religious wedding or more if they want to take three or more wives. These types of men also see it as their right to have a mistress and in your case, that is what you have been.

          I know you say there is chemistry there but this man has lied to you and his wife. Please be under no illusion that if you were to accept this relationship, once the excitement has died out, he may be visiting you one day and introducing you to his third wife.

          Yes, if you do not return, he will probably follow you or hassle you via internet because generally Turkish men do not take rejection well.

          I am normally a person that loves to stick with culture and tradition however this business of having one legal marriage and one religious wedding causes nothing but heartbreak to anyone involved. I have known women who have done it and they come off second best. Please do not even consider this arrangement. Turkey has two faces, the modern side and the side that refuses to accept change. You have fallen in with the social circle that refuses to accept change. Speak to any modern Turk and they would be horrified that this man has even suggested it to you.

          Even though the chemistry is there, I urge you to think with your head and not your heart. It will solve you years of heartbreak in the future.
          Natalie wrote about..Patara-Four Reasons Why I Will Not Go Back

  97. Mary says

    Natalie, thank you so much for your searingly honest and very insightful advice. I very much took on board your explanation of the views from the perspectives of both modern and traditional Turks.

    “My” Turk is from a rural village in southeastern Turkey so I suppose he must fit into the category of the more traditional Turkish man although he is always at pains to say that in his area different religions have co-existed peacefully and amicably for centuries. He has never given me the impression that he was a fundamentalist. Perhaps more of an a-la-carte Muslim, in the way that I am an a-la-carte Catholic. He had no problem with me drinking alcohol but avoided it himself.

    Perhaps the chemistry was my warning signal, the strong attraction between two polar opposites. I have never felt anything like it before in my entire life, and I have been around a while.(I am in my early fifties).

    He already wants to talk to me on Skype tomorrow.I may speak to him this once. After that, I do not know if I will bite the bullet and avoid contact.

    I certainly do not fancy facing the years of heartbreak you mention down the line. Nor do I want to cause another woman sadness. Yet I also know in my heart and soul that he is not in love with his wife and whether I walk away now or not, he never will be.

    However, I still think you are right, Natalie. He might well feel justified in trying to have a child with a third woman at some stage in the future. His parents are already grandparents and he has always said that he does not want children-he wants me, but one wonders if he will simply want to have his cake and eat it yet again if and when he develops the urge to be a father. Maybe this was subconsciously why he was open to straying in the first place.

    He says not. He says he was quite content with his life but that when I looked up into his eyes on that very first day we met, something “twisted” inside him and his life was never again the same.

    A few days ago, he told me that his parents and siblings in his home village all know about me, have done for months,and are fine about it, even though he is married! He has also told this to my English friend who speaks fluent Turkish.

    Unbeknownst to me, on he day I left Turkey, she asked him straight out: “Does your wife know?”, phrasing it so that it meant “Does your wife know?” rather than “Does your wife know Mary?” He answered simply:”Yes, she knows.” My English friend takes this to mean that his wife knows the whole story but that for some reason he has not yet confessed this to me, perhaps so that I would not feel even more wretched when I went to meet her.

    So, Natalie, if you ever decide to interview these second wives and mistresses for an article, this is one woman who will most certainly be avidly reading your words.

    • says

      It will be hard for you Mary because the chemistry is so strong but you seem like a very confident and strong woman. I hope your talk on Skype goes well and just take one day at a time. If you ever need to talk, you can also write on here or just use the contact form if you want it to be private
      Natalie wrote about..Photo – Isn’t Our Earth Amazing?

    • Anne says

      I am myself involved with a kurdish man, but I would never ever, consider being a second wife of any sort. I cannot believe that you would even give it a minutes thought. Surely you are worth being number one and the being the only one because no matter what he may say to you, you are and always would be number two. I do wish you nothing but the best, however, I am also sure it is not on his terms.

  98. Anne says

    Hi there, well were do I start… my relationship is nothing like any of the above… he has never told me he loves me, nor me him… we dont talk about our future, although some times he will say things as if it is already planned in his head and I am suppsoed to know automatically that is how it will be. He shows no jealousley of anything I do, although he says ” I do worry but what difference would it make if I tell you ??” When I have walked out , only twice in 3 years as we never argue, he came after me after about 5 minutes when he realised I was really going, he said I have never done that for anyone ever !! He has in fact done a few things sinceyhen that he has never done ever for anyone before. He is a very stubborn man it is either black or white, no grey shades.
    To go back to the start, I met him 5 years ago and he was working at a bar we went to. And yes he is younger than me by 18 years (but he is not a bay he is a grown man) and he knew that the first year before anything happened.He also knew that the first year I met him I was sterilised to have no more children, I already have 3, the youngest being 18. Nothing happened the first year, although I was a frequent visitor to the resort. It was obvious there was an attraction between us, I watched him that first year and he always went home alone, distanced himself from the obvious come-ons and came across as a really nice guy. The next season, is when we started to see each other..so 3 years on.. I have a key to his room when I go over in season.. I go to Istanbul in winter to meet him for a week or so and he travels from eastern Turkey to meet me. Yes, he is Kurdish and yes, believe me I am well aware of the difference between Turkish and Kurdish men. We talk about anything and everything and we laugh a lot together. He has never asked me for anything and next season he will open his own bar, again, he has not asked me for any money to help him do this. I have met his brother and cousins and all of his friends that he works with.. he very much keeps himself to himself and will not be told what to do by anyone… his attitude is, this is me if people dont like, thats their problem. His dad died in the first year we were together and that makes him now the head of the family. I asked if they know about me, meaning his other brothers, sister and mum. He said of course they do, who do you think they think I am talking to in english for hours on end… He says I can call him whenever I want to any day or any time.. and I can say that in the last 3 years only once has he not answered the phone and even then he called me back within 5 minutes. In many ways I suppose I am lucky that I dont have the pledging of undying love and constant texts to confuse matters further but still it confuses me that he is so very different from what a typicall turkish man is meant to be. I asked him in the first year together about wanting children, he said of course I do, then simply said, but if we fall in love then your children will be mine anyway. He has since asked me once,last year, if I would reverse the sterilisation to give him a child, I said no. It has never been mentioned since. He has never asked about a visa, he says some of his friends live here and dont like it so why would he want to come !! I am just so confused about what he is looking for but then again I dont know what I want either, I do know I am not ready to walk away yet though.From someone outside looking in what do you think guys ??

    • max says

      So, what do you have to lose and what he has to lose.

      When I was much younger, about 20 years old, I was thinking of my girlfriend and I was thinking what would happen to her if I dumped her.
      I was sad, I did not know the answer.

      It seems not you or your younger Kurdish boyfriend don’t think about that which is of course confusing but yet the answer is simple.

      You know my wish is to be someone I love when I am older. And that someone better care about themselves enough to tell me what I needed to hear.

      It seems you are hearing loud and clear that if things fall apart they will fall apart.

      And he simply doesn’t care and have nothing to lose. No real ambition to have to children or need to marry someone. Just a love-boy offering his services. YES HE IS DIFFERENT!

      • Anne says

        Hi Max,
        Not really sure I understand what you are saying !!!
        Are you saying he doesnt care about me or that he does ?? And really dont know what ” love.boy offering his services” meant to mean. It is nothing like that at all, I most certaintly dont need anyone to offer me any services and I find that sentence very offence to be honest.
        Is there another way you can explain what you meant to me, please.
        Thank you for the reply.

        • max says

          Look I am just giving my opinion. Everybody thinks differently about their relationship however reality never leaves. Emotions blindfold people ten times over. My harsh words are to strike a light in your brain.

          1) Your relationship is not going anywhere and it is not your choice.
          2) You are confused because why haven’t this progressed already. That is what you cant figure out.

          If number 1) and 2) are clear, then really what else is left.

          You love him and want to stay with him, marry and spend the last day of your life with him. He not so, he is always looking out, maybe I can find a younger or someone different. He is like, things are good right now for me of course because I am man and I dont need to be tied down.

          You have to understand one thing man and woman are different.

          He is just taking advantage of you under the disguise of many things except of course marriage.

          Not real.

          Women take excuses oh I am emotionally not ready blah blah blah.

          Hey you are the man, and you love this woman right , end of story.

          That is the way it should be if it is not, it is all excuses.

          I just want to strongly say that Anne You are the LOSER in this relationship.

  99. Chris says

    I would like to say to Mary that it will be very difficult to end contact, if you still love him.
    Murat is one of my Facebook friends and the only person I talk to on msn. I got my new laptop so I could talk to him on webcam because the old desktop I was using kept playing up.
    I was on Facebook on Monday and he popped up in the chatbox. Then he signed into messenger so we could see each other on camera.
    Not a good idea really. I cried, as usual.I have cried every day since he told me it was over, nearly 3 weeks ago.
    We had said we would be friends always, but I don’t know if I can do that. It’s so painful. But I can’t bring myself to delete him from my life either.
    He still says he loves me and wants me, but he has nothing to offer me.
    My son (who is older than Murat) annoyed me by saying he is tugging at my heartstrings so I will try my best to get him into England. That isn’t going to happen! And Murat knows that. He would never pass an English test, so it’s not an option.
    I have a friend who lives with a Kurdish man. I don’t know the full story, but she told me he claimed asylum and that’s how he got in. He is going back soon to visit his family.I doubt very much he would be going back there if his life was in danger!
    Maybe it pays to cheat. Maybe I should have told Murat to try that, rather than going through the proper channels, where tests have to be taken and visas applied for which cost hundreds of pounds. And would probably be refused. And yet others seem to come here without a problem.
    Sorry if I sound bitter, but I am!

  100. Anne says

    Hi Natalie,
    His aim was to always get his own bar before he settled down or planned any future with anyone. He was engaged to a turkish girl 10 years younger than him the which ended the year before I met him, due to various resasons, the main two being her age and the fact he was Kurdish and was not liked by her family. He said he will never fall in love again as it hurts to much. Which of course as we all know is just a silly thing to say, as it just happens whether you want it to or not. We have long got over the stage of asking if we have both been faithful and it is generally accepted that we are boyfriend and girlfirend.He always says he would never be with a younger woman again as they “peck your head “. He says he needs to be able to offer and look after someone before he settles down. He doesnt seem that fussed about children, doesnt mention them at all really. I am going out to Istanbul in January and plan to ask some questions when I am out there. I know he doesnt like me drinking but I do and I know he doesnt like me to go to a certain bar when I am in the resort but I do. He just says why you go there ?? I dont sit in his bar every night mooning after him, I couldnt actually think of anything worse than doing that to be honest. He has met my daughter and her boyfriend, who both think he is great and that we are good together. He jokingly said she can call him daddy !! He just contradicts everything ” typical ” of a Turkish, sorry Kurdish man. It just confuses the life out of me, to be honest. He just says if I didnt want to be with you I would tell you. Which doesnt exactly help !!

    • says

      Hi Anne, Sounds like he has plans for the future that he wants to complete before he settles down. If you are happy with the way that things are, then enjoy the relationship for what it is. If you are not, then perhaps have a heart to heart with him when you are out in January. Just be aware though what Chris said to you above. it is hard to break off contact and they don’t make it easy either.
      Natalie wrote about..Patara-Four Reasons Why I Will Not Go Back

  101. Cem says

    I wonder what would my wife be thinking if she had a quick look at this blog before she married me?:) Oh Actually, this would be a stupid worry as I know my wife is an independent woman who has her own brain to use for making her own judgements for the situations around her, unlike some people on here listening to this woman called Natalie!.And I dont even know what makes you feel so confident to talk like this about turkish men?! The only think I can think of is the number of bad experiences you might have had in turkey. But thats just makes you a ‘no one’ to listen to doesn’t it??? Why would anyone take it to serious anything you say? What is your qualification on this area??? Your reasons for giving people ideas on another countries men?? What would be the reason to make all this people worried about seeing a turkish guy?? I am a turkish man! I would like to high light the word “TURKISH” for those who doesn’t see clearly as these guys who you are talking about here is 90% from northern part of turkey who are 100% KURDISH!

    I am married to my wife since 2008 and I dont think there is any other man in the whole world who loves his wife any where near I do and who is happy in his relationship no where near I am! And my wife is English.

    Why would you advise all this stupid nonsenses?? Why can’t you just advise people to use their on judgements and just not fall like a fool to some guy tells them he loves them on the second day! Unless the guy called Romeo!

    All of you know this!! Every single one of you!! All around the world, where ever you go! Tourism summer places will be full of guys and girls looking for some craziness! Is that matter it is in turkey or miami or somewhere else in the world!! Of course there is people who just want to enjoy the sun and have some hotel food! But lets be honest ladies, summer places are known with its summer boys and girls! These guys you talking about is coming from all over the country and remember how massive is the whole country is. Tourism areas are the mutual meeting point for men looking for women women looking for men! Either in Turkey or flippin Miami! You can not judge a whole country and all these countries men as love rats because you met few di**kheads.

    20 years old fella tells a 60 years old mama ‘ I love you’ and mama believes and than in the end – the fella is a love rat mama is a victim! EXCUSE ME !!!????

    Instead of saying watch out fir turkish men, how about advising a bit of “please use your brain??””

    Hear me out ladies – Especially the ones are seeing a turkish guy. And I am going to advise the following advises as a REAL TURKISH MAN! Me-My dad- or any other men from my family, NEVER and EVER cheated on our wife’s girlfriends or even the ones we liked!!! Do you know what that is called? It is called being a good man! Just like real british man (Kind, Gentlemen, Polite, honest) Real spanish men! Real man!

    The clear point is, there is players all over the world! This is YOUR OWN decisions and judgements that you need to make and use, not the Natailes ones!!

    One beautiful country! with millions of amazing people init..!! Dont judge it with few tourism t**ats basically!

    What about the thousands of women ACTUALLY going there for sex?? easy sex or any sex! whatever! Reasons are not important! Do you ever think maybe it is them b**ch ones helped these idiots to develop and nest in tourism areas more??

    Oh no! It is all turkish men isn’t it…

    Thanks for reading guys.

    Hasta La Vista

    • says

      Your comment just shows that you have not read the actual article that i wrote or comments made by other people Cem – if you did read the article then you do not understand the context of it. Read it and then come back and join in the conversation because that is what it is.
      Natalie wrote about..Delicious Vegetarian Food in Turkey

  102. ozlem says

    Hi It is Özlem again,
    I think everybody is free to involve in relationship with whomever they want and nobody should have the right to judge them. Indeed they dont threat kurdish boys with guns to interfere relationships with old foreigner women. It is a matter of offer-demand.
    If our country`s mens` names are mentioned to be involved in materialistic love type relations in such blogs I think one of the first thing to be blamed before foreigner women,is our educational and moral system in which most of the times we cant teach proper behaviors to present in community.
    I believe that rather than criticizing Natalie, we should thank to her for showing how other people´s perceptions are about Turkey and Turkish people.

  103. Cem says

    Hi Natalie, I asked my wife to read the article and she explained the context – I think I misunderstood parts and thought you were saying all Turkish men were sleazeballs etc.. I misread a few words and it changed the whole sentence. I apologise for the misunderstanding – I actually see you agree in your article with what I said in my response – some of the comments you make about the things women say in forums got me confused – I agree with the elements you describe in relation to some Turkish men – I have seen them in action! As your readers have commented these men are found all over the world!

    Thanks,

    Cem

    • says

      Hi Cem, thanks for coming back and seeing the article in a different light. When I first wrote it, I never expected that many people would comment however they have done and I always like to respond to people that take the time out to write something.

      In some of these comments, I will be honest and say that from what they have written the Turkish man sounds like a love rat. However in other comments, the author has just described a normal relationship and I have responded that with affairs of the heart, the only people who can sort it out are the people involved.

      Glad we got the misunderstanding out the way. Welcome to the Turkish Travel Blog :)
      Natalie wrote about..Mount Tahtali – To the Sky in a Cable Car

  104. Mae says

    hi..i really enjoy reading your posts..i’m actually from Asia and I have a Turkish friend..he was my classmate before and even after that semester ended, we still have constant communication and we go on dates..i really find your blog helpful because i also want to get to know him more..and of course it involves knowing his culture too..at first it was a little difficult due to the differences however we were able to work it out..but we could not always avoid the misunderstandings too..:) we’re both happy now but he tells me he wants to get more serious and official with our relationship but i’m actually scared to do so..then he told me he will wait for me..i would really appreciate your thoughts about this..thanks!

    • says

      Hi Mae, the first question I would ask you is why are you scared to be in an official and serious relationship? If you feel that you are not ready, then take it one step at a time however if it is because he is from another culture, you mention that you both have managed to overcome the difficulties.

  105. HIGGSY says

    TURKISH MAN BIG PROBLEM LOVE,LAF,LIVE MOVE ON TOO MANY SLEAZY WOMEN THINKN SHE HAVE NICE BF I WANT TO TAKE HIM AWAY EVEN IF YOU R SO HAPPY I LOVE MY MAN VERY MUCH BUT I HAVE TO MOVE ON FORGIVE FORGET FOREVER FRIENDS
    SENI SEVIYORUM ASKIM

  106. Debbie says

    I had been going to Turkey for over 19 years as a family, then went as a divorced woman, met a Turk, he was lovely, fell head over heels…went back to see him married him got all his visa’a , came and lived with me..in Uk..got his ILR..more money….then 6 weeks after getting it he went home and never came back..i was devastated….moral of the story…..i had a fantastic 3.5 years..dont regret a second of it…loved him completely…..taught me some valuable lessons…..now in a loving relationship with an English man…taken a long time to get passed the Turk though…..but would not go back into a relationship with a Turk again…but i have lots of friends who are happy and have been for many years with their Turkish hubby;s…..

    • says

      Love the way you describe the moral of the story Debbie. Also glad to hear that you are now in a happy relationship again. Obviously your ex did not want to be in the uk

  107. Mary says

    Happy New Year, Natalie and to all. Yeni Y?l?n?z Kutlu Olsun!

    I was away for Christmas and have just read the posts written while I was away. It was interesting, too, to see the comments made by Turkish men If there are any more of you out there, please give us your thoughts on this subject.

    Thank you, both Natalie and Chris, for your understanding the irresistible chemistry element in my relationship with M, indeed it is a huge factor in all our relationships here.

    When you think about it, it is pretty easy to explain logically. It is not that we are all stupid young or middle-agedwomen. It is just Mother Nature playing with our hormones. We are programmed to find sexual partners with a very different genetic make up more attractive than our local men/women. This is why we find different accents, whether Scottish, French, Italian or Turkish,more sexy than our own familiar accent. It attracts us to outsiders for a very good reason..

    It is simply biology at work. If the genetic characteristics of the man and the woman are very different, the chemistry will be incredibly strong in order to encourage the mixing of the two gene pools and conceive the healthiest possible offspring who will then have the best characteristics from both races.

    Ok, in my case, I am post-menopausal, but, by golly. Mother Nature’s honey trap still works a treat. Before I met M, I thought I was well past it. Boy did M prove me wrong!

    And that is part of our problem, Chris. We are fighting Mother Nature when we see our men on Skype or MSN or Facebook chat. We melt.

    While I was away for Christmas, I had no Skype call with M for ages, only the daily texting. And guess what I discovered? Although the love is still very much there, M’s power over me was reduced because my life was busy with other things to distract me. I missed him, don’t get me wrong, but the awful ache ( sound familiar, girls?) lessened and I made the decision to still enjoy my life wherever I find myself, because otherwise I will simply give all my power over to someone who loves me now but who could, at any time, break my heart.

    Anne, Murat is doing this to you too. You were doing so well until he popped up and rippled your pond again. For him and for my M., lovely and endearing as they are, the daily calls and texts are their way of staying in our heads and in our hearts and in our…er…loins, so that they can control us, in the nicest of possible ways, so that we do not stray from them. This no doubt works just as well for the more unscrupulous players. So we just have to balance our lives more and perhaps not Skype EVERY night of the week but go out with our mates and have fun in the here and now too.

    I feel a bit sheepish in that I did not cut off contact with M like a good Christian woman would have done, at least not yet. Will I go back to him at least one more time and let him convince me that there will be a happy ending for us. Yes, it is quite possible because, like Debbie, I cannot regret the happiness M has brought me. As they say in America, “it’s not over until the fat lady sings”.

    But I have decided I am going to rejoin my dance classes where I know the guys and gals and where I can enjoy lighthearted fun and create a safety net of friendship to save me,if and when the end comes.

    And if any of you Turkish guys realise a foreign woman is being fooled by a player, why don’t you warn her, or tell her what he is saying in Turkish about her behind her back?We don’t speak Turkish so we are at a big disadvantage when it comes to separating the frogs from the princes so far from home.

    • says

      Well put Mary – It can be described as an addiction because they are rather charming and keep coming back! You are also right about filling your life with other things to distract away from the addiction. However Turkish guys will not tell a girl if her man is a player unless that girl is a great friend of theirs. If they don’t know the woman very well, they see it that she could tell the player what was said and trouble would be on their doorstep.Thanks for posting an in-depth post. A perfect way to sum it up!

  108. Chris says

    Thaks for your post Mary. I agree completely with what you say.
    There hasn’t been too much contact with Murat just lately and it has, I must admit, made it a little easier. Seeing him on the webcam was very difficult. I cried and so did he. So, much as i love to see him, I probably shouldn’t.
    It has been easier, but I know it would be easy to start it all up again. I still go straight to Facebook when I turn my laptop on. I’m looking for messages from him. He asks if I’m alright. Well, no, I’m not, but I’m getting by the best way I can. And no webcam chats is helping me recover.
    I thought it was over for me too Mary, as far as men were concerned. How wrong I was!
    I understand the ache you mention too. It’s an awful feeling. I wanted him desperately. I yearned for him! That’s a good old fashioned word and it’s applicable. I was yearning to see him and hold him and talk to him and for us to laugh together like we used to.
    I’m managing better, but the thought of him marrying someone else still makes me feel sick and jealous and angry. And I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to stop feeling like that.

  109. Alana says

    Hi there, I was innocently perusing a facebook application that allows one to meet people worldwide when interest was expressed in me by a Turkish man in his early 30s; I am 29. (At this point,I should digress to add that I live in the Caribbean & I am Indian mixed with Latin). We immediately began chatting on Skype and I was taken aback by how well-educated and handsome this guy is; he does not fit the somewhat stereotypical philandering Turkish criteria but I do have concerns.. His father is German, whilst the mother is Turkish.. How much of an influence do Turkish mothers have on their sons? I adore that he is somewhat dominant; in my culture, a modicum of subservience is engendered..:) I am a hopeless romanticist and I intend to explore what could possibly happen between him and me. Any other advice? Thank you in advance :)

    • says

      Hi Alana, Generally Turkish mothers are very influential in their sons life but do not assume this will be the case without assessing the situation first. In my case, my mother in law has actually become like a best friend. Other advice is simply to talk, ask questions about each other cultures, thoughts, religions. Learn to establish a rapport so that when misunderstanding hits the relationship (and it will), you end up talking and not arguing. Take it one day at a time and if it is meant to be, it will be.

      • Alana says

        Thank you for the reply, Natalie. I am also curious to know what your thoughts are as it pertains to him having a genuine interest in me.. more receptive to love with a foreign international since his mother is married to a German. He also states that whilst he is a muslim, it does not take precedence in his life. I have always liked white men but I contend he is a delightful mix of ethnicities.

        • says

          Hi Alana, Without knowing the man it is impossible to say whether the interest is genuine. If his mother is married to a German then this could eliminate any worries about him dating outside of his culture. It is also quite possible that Islam does not come first in his life. There are many people in Turkey who are not practising muslims. They drink, smoke, eat pork and do not pray five times a day

  110. Chris says

    Are Muslims not supposed to smoke, Natalie? I’ve seen an awful lot of smoking over there!
    Murat does, but he won’t touch alcohol or pork. I think it’s a case of picking which bits of the faith he is prepared to follow and ignoring the bits he isn’t keen on.
    I’ve never seen him pray either. He observes Ramadan, which I have to say, I can’t agree with. Not when the temperature was in the thirties like last year and he couldn’t even have a drink of water.
    So, to recap, he follows the faith when it suits him. He doesn’t drink or eat pork, but he smokes and never prays. He hasn’t got a problem with pre marital sex either!

    • Nat says

      It is much the same as in the western world, you get some people who say they are Christian but they never go to church or they are catholic and use contraception. Here you get some people who are strict Muslim and other who are not. I think the reason they always say they are Muslim is because religion is always placed on the identity cards that citizens have to carry around with them. Picking which bit of being a Muslim suits them is not unheard of either :)

  111. Susan says

    Hi there,

    i am just after some persepctive really of someone who knows turkish men well, i went on holiday twice this year to turkey, the first time i had some fun with some turkish guys and never felt anything for any of them, didnt want to spen my holiday with them was happy just to be a one night stand, then i went back again in Sept and again had some fun with some really hot men but left it at just that, fun.
    That was until i got to the airport, our flight was delayed by 4 hours and it was early hours of the morning, my friend who is a smoker and afraid of flying went off to see if she could had a fag somewhere so i stayed with the bags and people watched, where i saw a really cute turkish guy workin in the airport, later when my friend came back we moved to some more comfy chairs and then i saw this turkish guy who i fancied walking past me, so i gave him a look as if to say oooh your hot, and didnt think anymore of it, then later when we were getting something to eat i saw him again and gave him another knowing look, after we ate we went to look for someone to bed down for the night until our flight, i must have had my eyes closed for about 10 mins then someone teps me on the shoulder i open my eyes to see the guy i fancy standing over me, he hands me a piece of paper with his facebook details on, and then walks away. once home i added him and we got chatting then we chatted on skype, he rings me 4 times a week and texts me everyday,he has said he has fallen in love with me, and wants to marry me, he says he is not after me for a visa and he would want us to live in turkey, i am 30 and he is 28, i have never even kissed this guy but seem to have more feelings for him than the other turkish men i actually went with, i cant stop thinking about him or wanting him and although i know i cant be in love with him i feel like i am, i have booked a flight out there for next month to go see him, is this just a pipe dream or could this guy be for real? i have read about women like me in take a break and always thought fools, but now i seem to be under the turkish spell as thats what it feels like, he doesnt even speak much english, we commiunicate mostly through google translate!! sometimes i feel like a crazy loon for feeling like this but yet i am addicted to him…. help! any views gratefully recieved! thanks :)

    • says

      Hi Susan. Unfortunately no one can know whether it is a pipe dream or if it is for real. Yes, it is alarming that the bloke wants to marry you when he does not know anything about you. I think the best thing to do at the moment is not to think about it. Your flight is booked so come out to Turkey, spend some time with the man and then you will be able to get a better idea of the situation. Also do not confuse love with lust. A lot of Turkish men and English woman do this and that is when the trouble starts.

  112. Chantelle says

    Hi girls,
    I found this post really interesting- I went to turkey twice summer 2011. My story is slightly different, as i’m 20 years old, and i met an amazing turkish man who is same age as me. I went back second time, and he travelled 8 hours to come see me, and stayed in my hotel for half my holiday.

    He does work in the bars out there, and some of the womens behaviour is aweful! While i was there, he was offered hundreds from a women in her 60′s for sex, and she even knew he was with me. He politely declined, but he said thats a regular occurance, and many men take up the offer. It is horrible, he explained to me- its there job at the bar to flirt with women, make them go back there every night and spend there money, alot of them are made to sleep with the women, there boss encourages them to make the women fall in love- sleep with them, tell them you love them, anything to get them to spend their money in his bar. My turkish lover was extremelyyy punished by his boss for having real feelings for me, and telling everyone i was his girlfriend, and refusing to flirt with other women. He became horrible to me too.

    But the turkish men lovee these jobs, my turkish man has told me all the insides and outs of alll the jobs. All the other men at the bar that worked there- had english wifes- who lived in england with their children, and they see them when the season is over. While the clubbing season is on, there in turkey, having atleast 6 english girlfriends a week and spending different nights with them. Awefull!

    Please be careful with the turkish men ladies, there extremely beautiful and charming, they will shower you with gifts, tell you they love you, but if there working- that is their job. Be careful :) xx

      • Chantelle says

        I know it’s a real shame to be honest, and leaves women with a real struggle of trust.. all because a small percentage of them are like this.

        • Max says

          I disagree. You have no chance to find a decent turkish man. All you can meet are the bar staff, hotel staff, restaurant staff. Lowest of the lowest. They have professed the art of getting you in bed and perform night after night. Ask them anything else comes nothing.

          And Natalie stop telling these women that they have a chance of hitting the 1 in a million loto of a faithful decent turkish man that they met in their vacation.
          It is the same advice to tell someone they will be a millionaire if they buy loto everyday. That is not just stupid but irresponsible.

  113. Mary says

    Chantelle..who paid for the hotel?
    Good article. Having lived here for 6 years I see what goes on, and if he is younger than you, and you have met his family, he is after money or a visa.
    The family are usually in on it, as they see a meal ticket. Too many woman I have seen get taken this way. One German woman I know, married her guy and after a short time his cousin came to live , along with baby, as hubby had thrown her out, After 6 months of this, the German woman found out the “cousin” was actually his legal wife, and they married in the mosque just before he married her. Guess what. All her money has gone, and she has nowhere to go :(

  114. Jes says

    Hey,
    I was just reading all these posts and find it very sad that nearly everyone seems to have had a bad experience with Turkish men! Maybe I’ve just been lucky in my experience but I met a guy over there about a year ago now. I was happy just to have fun and had no intention on starting a relationship but feelings began to develop on both sides and after a few months of returning home I decided to move there and give it a go! I’m not silly enough to think within those few months he wasn’t seeing other girls (he works in the tourist industry and is good looking) but in saying that we both knew we were not officially together at that stage.
    Anyway I went back without hope or expectations and a realistic view of how it would most likely turn out (I loved the country and wanted to go back either way). In saying that we are still together now and living and running a business together in Istanbul!
    I have met all his family and friends and he was very honest in saying that if his family did not approve that may be it for us, but as it turned out if he is happy they are happy for us!
    We have spoken about him moving to my county as I feel there are better opportunities and although he has said he is open to trying it if I am unhappy in Turkey, he is not keen on leaving his family and would much prefer to stay!
    Things are definitely not always easy and we often clash over miscommunication and culture differences but I find when it is something I feel strong enough to hold my ground about he respects that and is also trying to come part of the way in changing himself so the relationship can be a success. I do struggle with his flirtatious nature sometimes but this is quite normal for Turkish men in this industry and when it comes down to it I do trust him and do not believe he would ever cheat on me. I have made it very clear that there would be no second chance and he would not risk that. Who knows maybe I am the odd one out here but maybe going in with real expectations has helped in my case. I know a lot of amazing Turkish men and plenty of other foreigners who are in successful relationships so please don’t only listen to the negative stories you hear!

    • Nat says

      Hi Jess, thanks for telling your story. I think the situation is just much like anything else in life. We always get to hear about the negative side of things but never the good side. There are a lot of couples in Turkey who are in mixed marriages and relationships and everything is fine. We don’t get to hear about them because there is nothing to talk about :)!

  115. Mia says

    I haven’t read through all of the comments above, but I want to add to the positive side, like Jes’ story.
    Looking at just one basic fact, I’m a victim of a love rat: 13 years older than my guy.
    However, we didn’t meet on holiday, we met in university, participating in the same courses in a phd-programme.
    We both agreed that we were not going to have a long-term relationship, as I was going back to my country in about 6 months time. However, 13 years later, here we are, still together, married for almost 10 years. After several years of commuting between our 2 countries, I moved permanently to Turkey.
    It hasn’t been plain sailing, but somehow both of us have been prepared to put in the necessary effort and to compromise.

  116. Matt says

    Beeing a non Turkish man who often works in Turkey, I was always wondering why some women really think that there is anything but the obvious behind such relations. Looking at some, ok, with those looks or attitude, your lucky anyone is looking at you. much like the old guys running hand in hand with a Thai girl in Thailand. Who am I to judge. However what about the rest of the women, especially since I learned the language!!!! The way the turkish guys speak about their foreign female companien is ouright disgusting and that in public places. I don’t even want to hear what they say in a more private setting. Cafe in Marmaris at early afternoon, I’m sitting next to a group of 4 guys in their twens when another arrives with a pretty girl hand in hand. “Hi guys, sorry but I was busy doing this slut. I think her name is ……… Gone dump her tonight. You can have her, just give her the usual shit, she is just as dum as the rest. Love you, your so nice, pretty, my princess, bla bla bla.” Everyone smills and has a good laugh, even the pretty blond. I doubt she understood. That beeing one of the more harmless comments. Plenty more and my German/turkish girlfriend told me a few nice ones as well. If she goes anywhere she always pretents to be German who does not speak Turkish. Her comment on this. 99% of the turkish guys who go for foreigners are so bad, she would rather get engaged to a Yeti or Bigfoot. As for the positive stories, there are exeptions I have to agree. Just like the litracy level in Russia was one of the highest in any country arround the world. Shame that the rest sucks.

  117. Samantha says

    Hi,
    I went on a disney cruise in May of 2011. Through out the cruise you keep your waiters that you had the first night at dinner for the dinners and the last breakfast. this waiter walked passed me and i was in love with him, only to find out that he was my waiter ( he is from turkey) . he always made eye contact and smiled every time! there was no contact between us except at dinner and breakfast! at the last breakfast he gave me a piece of paper with his favebook and email and phone number. i asked to be friends on facebook, but didnt hear from him for a month. on June 21 i recieved a message on facebook from him and it said ” h? baby ? am ok now ? am ?n orlando a?rport to go turkey back ? wanna speak w?th you about my feel?ng to you later ?f you say ok [:(] ” I told him sure. he went on and on how much he loved me and how beautiful i was and how one day he wanted to marry me. kept saying that i was the one for him and his true love and his destiny. We have been dating for 7 months, and I have never been this happy before! he has never asked me for money or to do anything that i dont want to do. he has actually sent me money to get my passport and he sent more then what the passport cost!!!! we have talked about our religions, and we know about each others cultures. I am american and he is turkish. I am christian and he is muslim. I personally dont have a problem with him being muslim, my family really likes him ( not so much that he is muslim but who he is and how he treats me) we have talked about marriage and he said that he would move to the us for me, cuz he doesnt want me to leave my family. he said that he would work all the jobs in the world just so i dont have to work if i didnt want to. The only time I have seen him in person was on the cruise! we do facebook and video chat! He is back on the ship working and is coming to visit me and my family in may for 2 weeks, then i am going to turkey for a month to visit his family! he also told me that the only reason he went back on the ship was to come see me. ( he hates working on the ship really hates it) is there anything I should be on my toes about when i go and what i should watch out for? is it safe for me to go? I will be in Mersin when i go?! Do you think he really loves me or is using me for a visa? I do really love him, he is really cute, but i love him for him not his looks! Please tell me what you think!!! THANKS

    • says

      Hi Samanatha, I can not answer whether this man is just using you for a visa. However I find it very strange that he can declare love and the wish to marry you when you have only really chatted on Facebook. You say that on the ship there was no contact between you apart from breakfast and dinner. You also say that you love him, for who he is and not his looks. There is still so much more you to find out about this man so keep your wits about you till you find out whether he is honest or not. I don’t think he would be using you for money as the cruise ships give out good wages however I still find it strange that you both have moved so far as to declare love when you have not actually physically spent time together. Please ensure you are not both suffering from an overdose of lust instead! :)

  118. Seckin ( Turkish guy living in Turkey) says

    Hi. I am a Turkish man. I’ve met your web site by the chance and really like it. I agree some or not agree with some of the comments here. I wonder if some foreign women would have prejudice about Turkish men or generally Turkish people because of some wrong comments . First of all , humanbeings have similar or same characteristics in all around the world. Later I will explain what i mean .

      • Seckin ( Turkish guy living in Turkey) says

        Good morning Natalie. First of all, I congratulate you for this nice web site .Thank you very much for replying my message. I am glad to hear from you that the people will not discriminate against Turkish people because of the negative comments here. In my opinion it is the fact that should be. I want to be helpful and to do something for this site. Can i do something useful?

        • says

          Thank you for being a loyal reader Seckin and joining in on the conversations. if you can recommend the site to your friends, I would be very grateful. Hope to see your great comments on other discussions as well

          I agree that people should always pay attention to the facts first. 99.9% of my time in Turkey has been nothing but amazing
          Natalie wrote about..The Burning Flames of Chimaera

  119. Seckin ( Turkish guy living in Turkey) says

    Good morning Natalie. For sure ? will continue to be your loyal reader since now and will follow you whereever you go :) Of course i will recommend your blog to my friends.

    Briefly about me: I am 42, a lieutenant colonel currently serving at the Gendarmerie School of Officers and Non-commissioned officers in Ankara.

  120. Yavuz Gencyilmaz says

    When ever I hear bad news about Turkish holiday roman stories, makes me upset and angry as a Turkish man. I hate the stigma attached to Turkish man and romance. This is the same as what was happening to Biritish girls in the years of 1980s and 1990s, when British discovered the Spanish holidays !! Some of you may remember this? (perhaps I am showing my age ?) Spain and italy were not in the EU and most of the spanish and itailian guys where in England illegally and working or they where trying to get a VISA through the holiday romans.!!! I knew a lot of people were going there to experience the short romans at the time.
    Let me tell you something about the geneuine Turkish guys; yes they do care about their mothers, yes they usually dont let the ladies to pay the bills (they dont like the woman’s Money), yes lot of them are protective towards their partners (in the begining the western girls like that), yes they like their partners to be submissive a bit (but depends on their upbringing and where abouts in Turkey they are from.). So if the middle age and divorced ladies are coming to Turkey for holiday with the idea of getting young man.Because the British boys wont go out with a older woman. So these people dont have the right to slag off the Turkish man. It is themselves to blame and they shouldn’t be so stupid to see the realities of involving with a younger man!!
    I must also emphasize that these guys who are involved in such romans are NOT Turkish boys really, Many women do not realize that most of the guys they meet in such places (Antalya, Bodrum, etc) are not Turkish lovers but Kurdish!! They are coming from eastern part of Turkey.to find work as well as to find a western woman to marry and get a visa out of Turkey, Again this was very common in the 1980s and 1990s with italian and spanish boys from rural areas trying to come to UK for work. So these very same type of men exist everywhere and in every developing countries.
    I totally agree that majority of these romances and marriages from different cultures, do likely to fail ( I am one of the example) especially after the birth of a child, unless the both side tolerant and understand the culture and comitted to work towards their marriages. The usual behaviour of the girls are “obviously he wasn’t the right person for me OR I have changed my mind now”
    I think, the marriage itself is full of compromises even from the same cultures. To me “the marriage = compromise” and the degree of compromise increases with the foreign marriages. Considering the new-age ideas, most people have now days, makes it more difficult!
    If the ladies are saying that “I am so happy and feel 16 again or I am out having a good time” then when the things go wrong, dont blame no one but yourself.
    So, stop bashing the Turks,?) !!! there are good and bad one in all nationalities. We have a saying, “all the fingers in your hand are the same?”

  121. [email protected] says

    hi I am from Marmaris I am runnig Apart otel last 16 years ..I see with my own eyes tomany happing whats the English girl and Lady has..what ever you are thinking is true.first think I allways say English girl do not envole with Turkhis or Kurdish man .special barman weither reception boys bellboys..all this workers has 3 4 diffrent girls one season..the only reosan they go to Forein women sex because normal Turkish girl they do not sex with outh married .and man work only summer no many in winter..they have easy sex with girls and after start ask money .you are in differnt counrty you can not undestand peole or thiis calture..I am very shame what I see and read here but true ..I am telling much is posiable for English and I am saying again I hope they are reading this.they have no many they no work roun a year and they want you to go your country they are useing you more kurdish man do this than Turkish man..do not forget we are different relegion as you doesnt work ..if you come Turkey all of you always welcome but do not include .we are not all the same but most Truzim workers are .and pease do not call Turkish rats..you can have this story only if you can lissen your heart.if you want Turkish man you ask do they have a money in bank do they have car house normal job if thwy have it safe love ….

  122. selin says

    Hi! I agree with Yavuz because they are NOT Turkish men in bodrum, marmaris, antalya etc. They are kurdish men and they come from east Turkey, they want to get married with foreign (British, German, Swedish, Dutch, Russian etc.) woman to go out of Turkey. Please don’t say Turkish men. Because Turkish men don’t do they. They don’t want money from women, if they don’t like you they don’t say “I love you”. Please be careful, many different races living in Turkey. If you met a man, ask him where you came from Turkey or Turkish boy or kurdish boy!?!

    • says

      But Selin, I have also known Turkish men who have more than one girlfriend. They spend the summer season, juggling the times that their girlfriends will come out to see them.

      • says

        I am not saying it is only Turkish men. I think it is a mixture of both. For example in Istanbul, the tourist season is all year round and there are some Turkish workers there. I mentioned at the beginning of my article that we can not stereotype the whole male race of Turkey because of a select few and at the same time, we can not stereotype all kurdish men. I would rather pinpoint it to tourism workers and a side ffect of the environment that they work in.
        Natalie wrote about..My Istanbul Pictures in Black and White

        • Max says

          what selin is trying to say is that your chances of meeting a turkish man versus a kurdish man are very low in touristic places. It does not matter if it is Istanbul or seaside. Any place touristic will most likely have kurdish men working there. For kurdish people this has been the main venue to get a visa and live in Europe. Main kurdish population in Europe because of this.

          You are not going to find a decent Turkish man workin in the tourism industry. Stop going out with the help. If you want the real thing go out with a tourist turkish man like yourself.

          As selin said we do not understand why you are going out with the help. Neither any decent turkish man or woman do not understand when we see a beautiful European going out with the help.

          • max says

            Every culture has social standings. It makes sense for people of same background be with each other. Yes you might be in 1 in a million and be happy. In the end that just means you are compatible , which is exactly my point of having the same background that is education, job, point of view etc.

            Natalie you are just naive to think that nothing matters except two people fall in love on a holiday vacation of few weeks. Yes, European women are surprised of all the attention and of course assume it is because of them.

            We have in turkey social standings, money standings, power standings and location standings. Lets not forget charm standing which is valid from the beginning of mankind.

            You come to vacation and meet a man working in a hotel or restaurant totally in love with you and believe it is just you. He just wants the visa and money because he has the location standing and the charm standing.
            Then you are in true love and you will save this man and you will live happily ever after, hey at least the bed interaction is good.
            No problem, everybody will get what they sown in due time. On the plus side, nothing is forever right!

            • says

              I think you are going in a different angle here max. I never said nothing matters except two people falling in live on holiday. Did you read the article?

  123. Orçun says

    I think ladies should read a Turkish book about this . I don’t think that there is English version of it avaliable but if you are able to read in Turkish then you may . Name of the book is “Bir apaçi masal?” . Author is Angutyus .Bir apaçi masal? means “An Apache Tale” . We call that kind of guys as Apache. Women doesn’t have much worth for them .
    Most basic fault of foreign women is to choose their lovers from hotel workers or shops . Like local people . It sounds more trusting for them . But there is one thing they don’t think . These guys work there for 7-8 months and they meet many foreign women . They say same compliments to every women , they do same things to every of them . So women shouldn’t feel special about these…They just try to get as much as they can get . Sex,money,visa…etc.
    Most of these guys are from east , Kurdish . You may find some from suburbs of other cities also . Turkish women doesn’t even care about these guys . So it is surprising for us to see that kind of guys with beautiful women . But foreign women doesn’t understand (Or doesn’t want to understand) difference of that kind of men and others .
    So first of all foreign women should understand this : You are not someone special to a hotel worker,shop worker,barman…etc .

    My advise is not to get involved in a relationship with a city local . If you want to have romance with a Turkish guy then prefer Turkish men which are also tourist in these places . You will have more chance to find a better person then a barman .

  124. selin says

    Hi Natalie! Turkish men have to work to support his family or himself and according to the Turkish labor law, Turkish people can only resort for a week because labor law allows it. If men work at bars bellboys etc in Marmaris, Bodrum, Antalya etc. they aren’t Turkish men! Kurdish men live in east Turkey and they come only summer in Marmaris, Bodrum, Antalya etc. Natalie I known English and Spain men, they are my friends and they have more than one girlfriend. Please don’t say that only Turkish men! If they work summer season, they come from Batman, Diyarbak?r, Elaz?? etc. Because they have no job and money in there. difficult to have money and job in eastern Turkey. Please don’t say or write that! Turkish people are honest, compassionate, hospitable etc.

  125. Mujdat says

    Hi Everybody.

    First of all I wanna thank one who wrote this post. I am a Turkish man and I lived Marmaris in 2009. Making sex can not be easy for people who do not know very well. Accoording to my observation, the main problem of falling relationship is generally women. Why women? Because they facilitate the relationship and for this reason turkish men easily cheat them. In turkey this is not so esay. In Marmaris, Fethiye, Bodrum, ANtalya and place where tourists visit, there are many hungry men. I fell sorry when I heard like that thing. According to Our belief and culture, you must respect them. They are not sex machine. But some men think wrongly. In Islam it is said that “The paradise is under mother’s feet”. The woman is most important for us but some men who are malicious, easily cheat women, especially english women. You always not meet men like us for this reason please not trust everymen who you do not know very well and not drink very much. You always take advices someone who knows places where you visit. Again thank you very much to ones who give advices and share their experience in this blog. Take care yourself vey well. MR. Müjdat
    Mujdat wrote about..My Istanbul Pictures in Black and White

  126. says

    Well, there are lots of different comments and lots of different person. I’m a Turkish guy and I believe all the stories ladies told. That can happen in every country. But I want to share some things I believe ladies should know.

    You know Turkish culture is very different from other European countries because we have lots of different people and culture together.

    Here, almost 80+ percent of guys wants to marry ladies 1-5 year younger. I had a girlfriend in the past, she was older than me and I remember some of my friends told me to leave her because she was older. Not all of them but almost 2/5.

    Lots of ladies told they broke up because of religion, thats right, at the eastern part of Turkey, religion is a little bit more involved into life than the western parts. So they may want you to change your religion as well. I suggest you to be clear about that with your partner.

    Here marriage is a long term serious thing. People want to know their partners well before getting married. If some guy telling you that he want to get married in 1 to 7 months I suggest you to be careful as well.

    Dont give any money to any one you dont know exactly. Because in Turkish culture, borrowing money makes people shy about that even if he/she getting it from a relative. And if a guy wants money from you instead of asking his friends, relatives or family, I guess thats not a normal thing as you can see.

    Have great holidays in Turkey :)

  127. Trevor James says

    This isn’t a recent thing, it’s been going on for years now and the hotels are full of single girls holidaying in Turkey for a bit of sex (sometimes lots) outside their hometowns. And good for them as sometimes they will choose an Englishman instead, which means I get a go as well ;).
    Listen, if girls want holiday sex, they can, if it makes them happy they should let their hair down and have lots of fun

    • says

      Ha ha Trevor – you made me laugh. What you say is right however a lot of girls end up in permanent relationships without realising what they are getting into it.

  128. rednoka says

    Hi Natalie, I grew up in Bodrum and I left my hometown around 15 yo for the public boarding school. Now I am living in Ankara, married and having two sons… Lately, I have noticed the Turkish Love Rats sites and visited a few of them. Naturally as a Turkish man I feel insulted and labelled. Some of the stories are quite hard to swallow (I see a few rape incident), some of them includes broken hearts and lost / stolen money and some of them only includes broken hearts… And I am sincerely sorry and apologize for each of these incidents in the name of my kin… However, I believe each human being; belonging any race, nationality,religion, belief has the potential for goodness and evil inside. So labeling a group of people altogether is an injustice to good people inside that group… Anyway, I decided to write some stories based on my experiences in my teenage years in Bodrum… I hope it will show people that the “human mating” process is quite complicated, especially when different people from different cultures and social groups meet each other in a holiday resort… I would really appreciate your comments… Here is my blog: http://storiesfrombodrum.blogspot.com/

    • says

      Hi Rednoka, sorry to read that the stories of Love rats have embarrassed you. I know it is hard to accept when you are from the same country but you are right when you say there is good and evil in everyone. I love your style of writing on your bog and think you have hit upon a good niche there. You have a talent for portraying the scenario so that the reader can live it in their own mind. Well done and carry on with your stories as I am sure you will build quite a following.

  129. kelly says

    hi i went to marmaris in 2006,i went with my sister and her little girl. we went for a week we had a lovley time,any way i meet this bloke called hakan he was really nice and looked after us all the time we where there.he took a liking to me we got talking etc at the bar he would always come over and sit with us holding my hand and talking he asked me would i move over there i said i dont really no as i dont really trust you men i no what your like.lol!!! he didnt seem to be very happy with me when i said that but i was honest and told him what i thought. any way the last night we were there he took me clubing what a grat night that was!! when we left he did ask if i would like to go back to his house i said no!. he asked me if i would spend the night with him in the hotel were i was staying i say yes! i did sleep with him.we had a great night!any way that morning he said thank you for staying with me and he was so nice and sweet. i couldnt ask for a nicer guy. the night i was leaving he gave me his number i did get a txt of him when i got home back in uk. he told me that he couldnt wait to see me again and told me that he missed me. he only txt me a few times that was it. i have got in touch with some of the people i knew out in marmaris on fb. and they knew him and told me that he is marride now.. never mind

    • says

      Hi Kelly, What a shame for his wife because if he was after you then chances are there have been others girls as well. In cases like that, it is the wife that I feel sorry for.

  130. Rednoka says

    Natalie, Thank you for your nice feedback. I don’t know how many stories I can squeeze from my old memories… And whether I can be a good voice for the characters… If I had enough time after work to write them… Anyway, I always felt that holiday resorts are kind of huge trash bins where people drop and leave a lot of feelings… These feelings are most of the time NOT the feelings of the normal flow of the life… They are extrAordinary feelings triggerred by these extraordinary places, extraordinary situations, extraordinary encounters… When I read the comments here, I just get that feeling again…

    • says

      Rednoka – you are so right and have summed it up perfectly about the holiday resorts. The feelings and how they are not the feelings of ordinary life. I think you are a very good voice for the characters. Jjust write them when you fee like writing. If you write when you are struggling for time or inspiration, this will show in your words. Anyway, I hope you continue to add more as I would like to read them further

  131. Wella says

    Hi Natalie, I love ur blog!

    I wanna share something, I’m Indonesian who met Turkish man From one of online chat Website. I’m 19 & he’s 24. I’m still in college & he’s an engineer… And we are in relationship about 2months. Um.. during the time we just chat on skype. but he was busy last two weeks because of his work and we had no communication within a few days. whether you think he is someone who should be aware of? because I know, he always says he loves me & going to meet me on September in my birthday. It’s too sweet to believe and I felt in love with him. But I just worry with Turkish man’s rat.

    • says

      Hi Wella, thanks for your comment. It is hard for me to say if you should be warey of him as I do not know him however I will say that whenever a man says he loves a woman over the internet when they have never even met – that is a bit concerning. Why are you saying that you think you have fell in love back with him? You do not know anything about this man. Go slowly and do not rush things. Meet him in September and then take it from there. Be careful not to be rushed into something that you do not really want.

  132. Ramazan says

    Hi Natalie. first of all ? wanna say to you , ? l?ked so much your blog ! ? think this is the best subject for sharing our ideas . ? want to say something about turkish men as a turkish man .? d?d not read all of the comments but mostly ? read them . ? saw lots of comments both negative and possitive . ? have been in tourism sector since 2005 ! ? worked lots of departments . I have witnessed like these events. when ? saw these events , ? was being unhappy ! in fact ,turkish men are realy gentleman,polite and faithful persons ! unfortunately there are bad and just th?nking themselves aims and interests ! these guys don’t know love what is it mean ! they always th?nking sexual things ! as far as ? know, the women were travelling for this aim too(1-5 %) . that was growing up the potentiality about this subject too. as ? said ,these events includes just 1-5 % segment . if you come across like these guys , you should be careful ! and when they say ;
    # if they say always love you or whatever ,
    # if they want to meet alone anywhere to see you ,
    # if they ask information about your job and your money ,
    # if they speak or love other girls like you , etc.
    pls stay away from these guys !

    on the other hands , ? saw lots of becoming happy women with their partner ! lots of married each other .. everybody should know love how is it feel or sense ! no one’s hearts should not break ! we love women and their sense , and ? must say this … women always tree of life for us . if they unhappy , we’ll too .. if we break their hearts , our hearts break too .. take care yourself ! ? hope you will have a good holiday !
    yours sincerely…

    • says

      You speak a lot of sense Ramazan and it is sad that the good Turkish can get forgotton for being faithful and looking after their girlfriends.

      • Ramazan says

        unfortunately as you said ! but as you know everthings have been changing day by day , ? hope these events will be fnished one day !

  133. says

    This interesting! However, I think that long distance relationships take a lot more work than people think and if nothing is going to be done to end the long distance – it’s going to be a losing battle if you don’t trust each other or understand each one’s needs. As much as I feel sorry for those brokenhearted, I do believe that this is something that happens everywhere. You just have to decide what you want and be ready to expect only how much you’re willing to put in. Thanks for posting!

    Just keep the
    Debbie wrote about..Help Me Find Love from Different Relationships!

  134. says

    Hi Natalie. I loved this post… I’m Brazilian and married to a Turkish guy. We met in USA when we both were studying. We had time to date and know each other. Than he moved to my country. Thanks God I’m not in the case of the holiday girls… but after writing about my story, i discovered many girls with Turkish lovers… some of them in a serious relationship, some in a only-virtual relationship… but all of them with plans and really in love. Now, reading this post i totally realize what is going on… the girl are crazy for the charming turkish guys LOL. Funny =). I can consider myself lucky so. XOXO

  135. Oz says

    %90 of the tourists coming to turkey are thinking they are dating with Turkish men.. Well girls you are dating with Kurdish man =) and believe me there is a big difference.. we turkish man who are living mostly in major cities and not working in tourism service industry almost show the similar attidude towards women with British guys. But the Kurdish men who grew up in south eastern side near iraq and syria border has a very very different attidude, first of all they jump on you but they treat their kurdish women like slaves, they totally limit their freedom in every aspect of social living. %90 having more than 6-7 kids without thinking how to care each. If you dont want to be dissapointed next time you are dating a guy choose wisely. An educated person and a redneck romance thing does not work, it happens in Adam Sandler and Hollywood movies. In conclusion, i want you to think why do always uneducated man exteremely be caught up in women? I think it is the same reason that japanese cartoon-animation reflecting japanese people as huge round colourfull eyed humans. Be wise choose wise and dont cry later. Actions done without common sense has consequences.

  136. says

    Why some people been so funny I don’t know. I think it’s is so silly to generalize mens because of their nationality.

    I can’t believe the post and comments that Natalie has been done. She must have experience with all Turkish man in order to write things.

    On the other hand, People thing all the population of Turkey full out Turk? There are many kurds, laz, arap, cecen etc. etc. Especially in Batman and Elazig mainly kurds located.

    From my point of view, some people become racist when they got a pain from somewhere in the past.

    My British friends they especially like Turkish mens because in fact Turks are more honest, calm and depending to lover.

  137. Nicole says

    I met a guy who is a hairdresser in Istanbul. I am wondering if that is considered the ‘help’ and if you do that kind ofjob in Istanbul does it mean you are from a ‘low social standing’?

    I’m confused! I’m from Londn, own my home, have a business and money and the last thing I need or want is to fall for a guy who is not genuine.

    Help!

    • says

      Hi Nicole, that will depend on whether he owns the salon or just works there as to whether he is considered the help. A FEW Turks look down on people who are considered the help but the fact is that a majority of the country are “the help”. It does not mean they are bad people. The simple answer to find out if your man is genuine, is to wait and see if he asks you for money. A true Turkish man will never depend on his woman to look after him in life. Take it slowly and pay attention to warning bells. Also if you have a business, consider the future now. Either he will have to go to the uk or you will have to move to Turkey

      • Nicole says

        Thanks Natalie. He hasn’t asked directly but he has told me what he needs in terms of money but I don’t want to presume it’s a hint. He has also spoken about his feelings for me for the first time in over a year at the same time!!!!!!!!

        I know if someone was telling me this alarm bells would ring but it’s so hard to believe this sweet guy is a conman and my intuition is not helping me at all.

        • says

          Feeling and money in the same sentence is never a good sign. Remember that it is not really a conmen aspect. It is about finding someone to fund the lifestyle they want. Be careful and keep your purse and cheque book firmly shut!

          • Nicole says

            He has asked me for £10,000 today for a deposit on a shop. That’s nearly 30,000 Turkish Lira I think? Is that likely to be true – seems a lot.?

            I feel sad, stupid and a bit sick that I trusted him. I think I need someone to slap me around the head and tell me to wake up and smell the kahve!

            Any chance this is genuine or should I be heading for the hills? I’m in that situation where I think that if this can happen to me it can happen to anyone. He just seems so sweet and embarrassed to ask it’s hard to believe I’m falling for a con.

            • says

              Nicole – If you hand that money over, you will never see it again despite any promises. It also takes a lot more to run a shop in Istanbul than 10,000 pounds. I am asking you to wake up and smell the coffee. A true Turkish man will never consider taking money off a women because it will damage his pride. If he starts offering part share in the business, that is also false because there will never be any paperwork to prove it. You are not married to this man and you don’t live with him so should not be considering giving him any of your money. Separate your head from your heart and do not think that if you give him money that he will stay with you. When the money runs out, you will be next to go out the door. It is not a con, the love rats just look for naive women to fund their lifestyles

  138. chris says

    it’s all rubbish , turkish men are just the same as everywhere in the world , there are the good ones and the bad ones , the one for you and the one who isn;t for you . choose right and follow your feelings , i have met 2 wonderful turkish men , we still are friends and talk to eachother , they never asked for money and were always generous and have too much pride ,
    women , live your life ! men are everywhere the same , never steryotype !

    • Nicole says

      Hi Chris – you are right, it can happen in any culture. It’s just that it happened to me with a Turkish guy and I know very little about the men and their customs and behaviour so it was useful to get a perspective on that.

      Needless to say I have said goodbye to my Turkish friend but not without regret and sadness.

  139. caitlyn says

    I found my Turk of “low social standing” behind the bar in Istanbul. Widely read and highly intelligent we will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this year.

  140. ruby says

    I found my kurd of “low social standing”, the manager of a platinum hotel at a coastal resort, speaks 4 languages, never applied for a settlement visa,whose family have several businesses, we got married after 2 years, been married 6 and we don’t have children together and never will. He doesn’t have any other wives and treats me with utmost respect and care.His family love me and I love them.

  141. Marc says

    Nicole – I’m glad you have said goodbye to your Turkish friend. I have lived in Istanbul for eleven years and I see it a lot – nice women getting taken in. My friend Joanna who is lovely, gorgeous and clever was in shock for months after ‘her guy’ asked for £10,000 to start a business. She was just too nice and innocent to even think he could be a rat. She laughs (sort of) about it now but she was really, really dumbfounded.

  142. caroline says

    Let me start by saying that i have knows people from all cultures. So here is my experience and i hope this helps any single ladies lookinf for love. Turkish men! oh well they are all talk.. I have mete someone who told me that he loved me wanted to marry after 6 months (he did not need anything he was a business owner wealthy and has his papers) so he was not with me for anything i could bring him other than sex…i found that out when we talked marriage and he said he promise to marry a girl in turky and he would try to stop it . His parents told him no way he had to get married etc so he says she will be here for a year and then i wll divorce so his parents would be ok and accept me after.. Anyways I am home one day and i know that he has been cheating on me so i go through his things and found marriage papers with a turkish girl that they married two months before we met but she was stil in turkey. When i showed him that he said but you are the one i love i do not want to loose you i will take care of you financially and emotionnaly while she is here and then we will be together after a year blablabbla… Needless to say that when the time came he said that he would not get divorce but he wanted me in his life and did not want me to leave him……So they are liars and very selfish.. Ihave met 20 or more of his friends and they are all married and meet girls and tell them they are single you can never tell because they own an appartment on the side so you can never suspect they are married….. Be warned Turkish men are the worse kind …..they are handsmoe and smoothtalkers but they are alll LIES do not get involved ever with turkish men they cannot be with one woman only EVER

    • Nicole says

      What is in someone’s heart and mind that would make them say I love you , let’s get married and have babies, when they know they are only saying it to get money or sex. What the hell is wrong with these people?

  143. Olga says

    Hahaha…girls,don’t be naive…Turk and marriage are not compatible things if you are european ….they are good for sex only,simply use them and be happy;))))

  144. cat says

    i meet a turkish man on facebook he was married had 1 child and one on way we was just friends to start i planned a trip to turkey where we met spent the whole week with him he told me he loved me thought when i left it would be over but it didnt end i went back to turkey we met again spent 7 days,since he has told his family and wife about me did say he went to court for divorce and will be done in 6 weeks i have 4 children he say he only want me i have met his best friend and all his friend know of me so do his brother and sisters i am due to go back tukrkey next month but will be taking my kids and mother with me,he told me yesterday he is kurdish and so is his family but he is not like them i am so unsure what to do
    cat wrote about..Save Water – Drink Wine

    • says

      Sounds like it is too late to ask what you should do Cat. Are you sure that he is getting a divorce though? I would question that. Also be careful of putting your children through any emotional stress if you are not 100% sure that this is the man for you
      Natalie wrote about..Save Water – Drink Wine

  145. Alp Canan says

    I couldnt stop myself to write sth about ur ideas and comments. I am Turkish man who lives in Poland recently but i ll be back in Turkey soon. And Many of ur stories sounds real and i see many of woman got hurt. But the most important thins you are missing here is u cannot make general judgment u should not! I have been in many holiday places in turkey mant times and yes i had some kinda short ended stories as well. But I am sure none of them had bad feeling or comments about me. Here the point is , Maybe not all but most of the guys u are hanging out with they are hotel bar club staff and they are seasonal workers there without education without well financial situation etc. so when u go such holiday places u ll meet probably those kind of guys who make u sad . U should think about twice who are u with what kind of person are u hanging out with even with or without sex. So dont judge whole country because of (? am sorry but i have to say that) some seasonal uneducated unqualified people . maybe u should start judge urself how they got u into bed easily.so to sum up it doesnt mean that we are that kind of guys as nation just because u have bad stories despite the fact that i believe u and i understand u well. But i dont wanna look bad cuz of them! . Cheers!

    • says

      No Alper – you need to actually read the article first and then comment. This way your point of view will make sense and you will see that I am not criticizing or generalising.

      Please take note of what I wrote “The fact is that there are plenty of mixed relationships between Turkish men and foreign women that work perfectly well”.

      Also the next time you assume to know what my sex life is like, realise that I am in a happy marriage with a Turkish man.

      NOW READ THE ARTICLE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!
      Natalie wrote about..Save Water – Drink Wine

      • Alp Canan says

        sorry if u got me wrong or if i expressed myself bad. Ofcourse there are good examples and i also had good relationship with a foreigner. But as we can notice most lof the of the comments here , are in bad way . Am i wrong at that point if there are 100 diffrenet storry here wouldn you agree with me that they are mostly in bad way ? And i aimed to people who generalize people.i cant know anyones’ sex life and i was not saying all the things to you or to people they have good experienced. Why would i do that.,I told them to people who should get it for themselves. I respect u and ur marriage and many of others’. its not our issue. If i was generalizing all people here ,I wouldn say people dont judge people cuz i would be the one of them.

        • says

          Most of the comments are bad because while we can not generalise, we can also not deny that it does not happen. Some Turkish men do rip women off for money through sex.

          As the article is discussing this, it is bound to attract comments from women who it has happened to. If it has not happened to a woman, then they would not be interested in the topic so would not comment.
          Natalie wrote about..Tourism In Turkey. Stats and Plans For The Future. Infographic

          • alp canan says

            I totally agree with u respectfully, but what was i trying to clarify is , those guys(i mean the bad ones) who live seaside holiday places , they see all of these things as life style. they are coming those places as unqualified work force ( not all but many of them) and these bad things becomes their life routin which is so bad. ( tourist are coming and going back every week) it becomes llike cycle. So, from the beginnig i just wanted to say that tourists are coming mostly to holiday places near seas and meet these kind of guys mostly. It doesn matter some of them good or bad , still its wrong to get a genereal idea about all nation with considering those ones. again i am underlying doesnt matter even they are good or bad. I also feel ashame because of those situations and peoples , I wrote all the things , cuz i d be happy even if i make changes few people’s mind to reconsider their thoughts.

            • says

              yes, you are right. It always happens in the tourist hot sports. Year after year. But it is up to the woman to look after themselves and not be so quick to hand their money over. No one else can look after them

  146. Onur Altay says

    I would like to put a comment about hotel workers cause im one of them and yes im turkish too. first thing you have to learn there is two type of hotel in turkey, and staff attitude so different. first kind of it (which i dont like and never worked in that ones) antalya, bodrum hotels basicly holiday hotels. In that kind of hotels all the workers from south east part of turkey and those people usualy working like 16h in a day for very little amount of money. In their home town there is no job oportunities so what they have in that hotels is something good for them + they are not educated and with high chance that their faily is religius so they dont get laid so often, and the life in that little villages so different than city. When you put all this things together maybe you can understand why that guys trying to get out of turkey by finding foreign wife.
    and yes %95 of these guys are kurdish.

    ?n the other hand there is city hotels, i been in this sector since 5 years and i have to say there is huge difference everyone well educated, they have good money situation, you have to talk with your guest in proffesional way. You cant even take any guest phone number, thats a good reason to lose your job in istanbul.

    I will tell you one of my experience in one of bodrum hotel. with that way you can compare the difference. Usualy i book really quality hotel, since im a hotel worker knows the meaning of good service, i would like to get same kind of service at my vacation. Anyway when i booked that good quality hotel in bodrum i find out waiters were dancing with the guest around 23:00 in the “hotel disco” and they were doing something after for sure, i was totaly shocked.. Do samething in istanbul hotel i guarantee you will lose your job in few seconds.

    I have to mention i have finnish gf since 4 years. we are living in istanbul together since 2.5 years and we decided to get married this summer. Believe me i had very hard times because of this reputation including her family members think that turkish people are some kind of lunatics serial killers, crazy living bombs. When my gf decided to move turkey her mom start crying and said he gonna rape you and kill you and no one can even find your corpse. Im seriously tired of hearing this shit i dont know whats happening in europe but there must be something against turkish people.
    Anyway i swear to myself i will be a good example no matter what. funny part when she move to turkey we find her job she lost it after few months and she was unemployed for 1.5 years. i take care of her, i always take her to winter holidays and summer holidays, always take her out for very good restaurants or bars whatever she, like basicly i provide good life for her. when she sad i was there giving shoulder to cry and still that mom hates me because i am turkish! and she keep saying that muslim turk! what kind of brain you have im not even muslim you idiot in turkey we have people from all religions. My gf keep saying what i am but she is seriously brainwashed by media. So you guys can see not all the turkish man same. i gave my everything and in the change i have her love and recpect but because of my culture i would like to get accepted by her mother too… but unfortunately im still suffering because of that brainwashed old hag and i can blame you guys for that cause you get hurt by someone you barely know and writing bad things about whole county and you media takes it and puts 100 times worse version of it on tv and those people have no idea about turkey or turkish man believe it. believe me i try not to involve this blog i have been just reading as much as i can, but there is some comments generalization turkish guys and sad part most of those ladies have their bad experience with kurdish guys and just because they dont know their orign very well turkish guys got blamed.

    I would like to write more about my experiences to you but duty calls :)

    • Jones says

      Hi Onur,

      I felt so sad to hear that your girlfriend mum hate you but I dont blame her as many old people thing in just one way.

      I also noticed the comments you mentioned and ofcourse Natalie will not delete those comments or answer you as she is pretty troll.

      Your comment is the facts I have seen unfortunate and for me it’s a big issue in Turkey.

        • A man from the earth says

          Either you’re troll or not, your blog is not objective. Not all the people Turkish in Turkey. You will realize that if you through the history.

          If you say mens in Turkey, then it make sense. But when you say Turkish, it’s quite general expression. Instead of British, if I say “English” or “Scottish” it’s kinda target to background.

          In the meantime, here so many comment about private life and experiences. How can I judge these comment when I read from one side?

    • Judit says

      Onur I can’t see how you could please your mother-in-law when you talk about her as an “idiot” and “brainwashed old hag”.

  147. Aida says

    Hey.. I gotta also comment on to this post. It’s pretty much always the same thing when it comes to turks.. (in my opinion) At least when they know I’m 18 and a girl. It’s so awful when you don’t know who to trust.. Because I’m that kind of person who thinks that you shouldn’t judge ANYONE before you know them, but since these guys are immediately like “hey lets get married!”.. It’s so hard ’cause I don’t know if it’s just “the thing they do” in Turkey. And I’ve told like to sooo many (turkish) guys that I know what’s going on in all the tourist places.. They’re just like “Yeah I know, all we decent guys spite those guys”, but how can you recognize who’s a good guy? I just don’t know… And I’ve met this lovely guy, but since he’s from Alanya (originally from Besiktas [can't do the original S's..] ) I just don’t know what to think.. And I know I’m only 18 years old, but really, you wouldn’t believe how much I’ve gone through.. Maybe that’s why I would like to believe this guy “is the one” who’s going to “save me”.. Really this is so awful. My heart is breaking because I feel that being with this guy (he’s 23 years old) would be the right thing to do, but I don’t want to get hurt.. And I also don’t want to hurt him with all my doubts.. I couldn’t explain the whole situation so well, but writing this helped me to deal with this thing so thank you anyway.. Really. Its so HARD, when you just don’t know what to do..!

    • says

      Hi Aida, Unfortunately having our heart broken is part of the process of life and it is hard to tell who will hurt us. I will say one thing though and that is pay attention to warning bells. Listen to your head and not your heart. In love affairs, the heart is pretty useless sometimes!

  148. somone says

    i was guna write all abt this and did but cudnt send it shit laptop lol..natalie u just talking like what u feel or what u want.but maybe some of kürdish people doin that not all.so u are not right..im turkish.im married to scottish woman and we have a boy now..but she hates me and i dnt really know why..coz there is not reason she told me…i havent done anything to hurt to her..i will write to this page tomorrow when i gpt chance soo u can understnd what i mean….

    • says

      Hi someone, I am not saying it is just Kurdish. Some Turkish people are saying it is just Kurdish. Have you tried talking to your girlfriend?

  149. Muzo - part one says

    PART ONE OF COMMENT SENT TO ME BY MUZO VIA E_MAIL

    hi natalie..i told u before..im married with scottish girl now and we have a boy only 2 months and she hates me now even i done nothing to her or anything wrong..never cheated or told her lies.i have readed all this page what to people says..but think some peoples blame to turkish peoples ,even u.im sorry but its true..i will tell u the reasons dnt worry.im working in tourism abt 9 years and im 26 years old now.u saying : türkish people just want to be with english old woman for money and for visa, no its not true maybe some does but not all.i wouldnt.why i need to do that if im not happy with her..thats means ur just sell urself.old english woman know some idiot people of my country will have sex with them for money and dnt say no,of course she knows that.

    coz no one cares abt them in england.so when somebody say to them here ooo i like u or love u they just flying on the moon even they know its not guna work coz every people likes to young or their age.so when shes get a young man here she wants to take him to the england to show all people she has young and handsome man.and she afford everythings for him.but she defo know it will finish one day.

    coz money not really important for english people.they like to enjoy life drink sexs,fun or any crazy things.so even they know everythings they still keep going on it and get hurt even they know they will get hurt one day.and number 2….english girls likes to play with turkish boys.for example..the girl met with turkish boy in holiday and having great time and go back home..first week she text him everyday and second weeks she text 2 times in week but after a month she only texts once and finished.

    sooo when shes guna comeback to turkey shes texting him again and says aww sorry i lost ur number my fone was broke or many things like that and get him again..we know that we are not daft..but usually not all turkish people really have lovely heart and feelings and when the english girl likes him ,he would fall in love with her really easly if they not know anythings abt them..it must be his first time in tourism.so when shes goes home and forget abt him he get really hurts.but he getting experience.so its like that.i tell u the marmaris culture and the rules..we always says that.

    Hundred girls coming here for holiday,99 girls coming here for have fun for sun for sexs for every crazy things but only one girl come here for a love.i thought i found that one and did get married..her family really lovley and they love me more than their son i swear.i first love my wifes family not her much just liked her and loved her more later.soo i have never ever wanted my wife for visa or for money or only for sex.i have always told her if she think i want her for visa just leave me or come to turkey live here with me i wouldnt care where am as long as with u..i have try not let her to pay everythings.even for visa things i would never asked her for money and i already costed abt 15 thousand but i wouldnt ask her for this and my dad sold his place for this visa for us to be together and happy.

    coz some people like yous been telling aww türkish boy going to england with rich and old woman..no im not forsale like that..and if i go there with her money and one day if she tell me ooo u came here with my money,i would die then..so thats why.i didnt want help from her.also yous been telling about my religion culture.yes we wouldnt like to get married whos not virgin but now we doin that butt no chance for kürdish girl..coz if they lose their virgin they would get killed.buttt i loved my wife and just told her i never ever care about ur past coz it passed and dnt tell me anything abt ur past.just need to tidy our future life.and some turkish people sayin we dont do sex before marriage ayee some is not do but some does.

    why not lol…but we dnt live together like yous..i wouldnt like it..coz if u love someone really sure abt urself u love her and think with her abt ur future just married her and love her forever.but yous like to live together and when eachother fed up oo bye bye..its just useless and shame.i wouldnt stand that.coz its not right.thats means girls or boys a things to use and after use just leave it like machine or animal or somethings.there is girl for fun and there is a girl for love for fun and for marry.

    u know what i mean..so when we find the nice girl like that doesnt matter english or turkish and love her why we wouldnt marry coz we are soo sensitive abt marriage its not easy for us to decide coz we will love her forever and look after her and will never leave her and our heart will beat for her..there will be respect ,love,and trust thats all..coz when we promise we always keep it..

  150. Muzo - part two says

    PART TWO OF COMMENT SENT TO ME BY MUZO VIA E_MAIL

    I would die to keep my promise.I did grop up like this and my family teached me like this.u been talking abt our culture..trust me our culture is the best culture in the world.i always did respect my wife culture and never forced her to do somethings.i just told her abt pork.i wouldnt like her to eat pork coz it smeels not good and its forbidden to eat for us.coz we believe it kills jeaoulous..and we have many things or story to prove it.

    even someone take ur wife front u u dnt say anythings its shit.i have seen many english man like that.about religion.i asked her for to be muslim and told her she doesnt have to if she doesnt want and she did accept.about alcohol..i would hate when shes drink coz she doesnt know what shes doin when she piss.so i did still respect her and said to her..just drink as much as u want when u be next to me..soo i have refused of settlement visa for some stupid reasons but it was definetly coz we have boy too.but she didnt tried much.

    and after she had our boy she just changed and aww i dnt feel i love u or somethings i feel nothing for u.what the fuck.i know we been away about a year she was pregnant and had our boy but i cudnt be there but its not my fault.i been asked her millios times before we get married if she happy or not coz it will be too late after we married and she said i will die for u.she was flying over the moon..but she hates me now.and doesnt show me our boy for 23 days.

    even i done nothing or anything wrong..i can swear on my boy.when i ask her what the problem she doesnt tell anything just keep swearing but i never swear her back even she been so much swearing to me really worse.coz i cnt coz i love her.i have done everythings for her my family done too and her family done too..and her family argue with her all the time for she doing that to me coz i dnt deserve this..what can i do for her more??? i was studying for to be english teacher

    i leaved for her and she didnt like my job i changed my years job.and i done and treated her like princess.even her sister says there many girl would die for to get treat u do treat to her.but see what shes doing to me.i have seen many woman and been meet many woman they have child and left their man.is it ur culture no sometimes i say to my wife xx uck ur culture she says she know coz why?shes having a baby with boy and she leaves him and be with someone else and english man leaves her too soo everythings happen to baby..if my boy call some one dad i would die.so what abt english man..when their girlfriend get pregnant they usually leave her..they drinking and drunk and hit the woman.and taking drug make her fall all over..and cheating all the time.i would never cheat my woman neva coz i always think if she done to me same how i would feel.

    coz life is short and u can get bad things if u have been bad.i tell u the little story i have seen it many times but was one of them absoluletly shit.there was a lovely couple and love eacother was sitting in the bar and she asked him go to room and she wants him they are married.he said noo hes tired and girl been sad.he said go get someone to fuck i been shock and she went and get the reseption and slept with him and in the morning he still tell her he loves her.but she hated him.and how ur culture is the discusting sometmes…like yous calling it sexs partner no love just met him for sex lol..

    and she has boyfriend in england also sext partner and have boy in turkey too.so u can put name on it..its usually like this.yous should relaize yous doin wrong and not nice to play with people feelings.if my wife asked to me be with her even i die of tired i would never say no.coz shes my wife.andd i wouldnt cheat or hit or tell her lies.thats my culture and i know my culture is little hard for english girls but its right.life is not only sexs or love or money,hope u understand now why every countries girls likes to turkish men now.coz the proper turkish man is the so faithfull and honest and would never use the woman for money.

    if the kurdish man do that i dnt think it his fault ,its english womans fault.coz there bad people everywhere in the world.sooo anyway..when i try to talk my wife she swear to me all the time and doesnt show me our boy and telling like he will never know his dad and will tell him how ur dad discusting..i would die to know what i have done to her..when i asked her this she cnt find anything to say to me.sooo i just dnt annoy her or text her to make her more mad.her mum her dad her sisters just try to make her realize shes doing wrong but i just waiting for visa to come..its on the appeal..and she has faxed to console to cancel it but her mum my sponsor at apeeal so they asked her mum to cansel it but she said no..sooo thats all she doin to me..

    im telling every english girll..if u love someone turkish or english not kurdishhh.just dnt tell him lies or cheat him or never hide somethings from him and always be faithfull so u will adorable for him.and u can know the bad ones..u can feel right or not if u not daft..but the turkish man would never be bad to who loves him.some is not good but its same in everywhere …just say..if the hapiness in china go get it………..

    • says

      Hi Muzo,

      Thanks for taking the time to give your point of view. |First of all, I want to say that for a 26 year old, you are very wise and clever. you have a good outlook on life. Credit to your parents to raise you like this

      I don’t know what to say about your wife and why it has all gone wrong. You are right in that there is a very big problem in English culture about respecting each other, but not every English person is like this.

      This article originally pointed out that there are many relationships between English and Turkish people that are happy but we never get to hear about them, just the bad relationships.

      It was also saying that women can normally tell if someone is after them for sex or money, so if they get involved with a Turkish man like this, it is their own fault because there are warning signs like the man is thirty years younger than her.

      I know how caring and loving Turks can be as I am married to one. The article was just a rebuke to the stereotype that is happening because of the few Turkish men that make shame on your culture.

      Please don’t think the article is getting at you because it is not. I said this in the article “The fact is that there are plenty of mixed relationships between Turkish men and foreign women that work perfectly well”. I know that not every Turk is the same as those who break hearts.

      I want to wish you well for your life as I think your heart is breaking to be away from your wife and son. Please keep in touch and let me know that it all works out for you.
      Natalie wrote about..French Street in Istanbul

  151. Muzo - part four says

    PART THREE OF COMMENT SENT TO ME BY MUZO VIA E_MAIL

    thank u for ur thoughts abt me natalie.ayee i never forget the things in life what i have done or what i had or who what done to me.coz the life has two chose bad way and right way..so u have chose to go ways.why i need to go wrong way when there is a right way.
    i know the respect there is a really most big problem in ur culture but its the most importang think and coming first in my culture and it makes everythings beautiful..like if u respect to me i can respect to u..if u respect to peoples thoughts u can take back good.so what u will do in life.the life will bring it back to u one day..in ur culture man or woman doesnt matter but usually woman think shes always right but when u prove her shes not right shes getting mad.its not point..im im not right i would say sorry and be client thats all..u have to accept. soo not every english person or turkish peoples the same.
    ayee why they need to write here if they are happy thats why yous dnt hear abt it.same for every people natalie.if u not happy and have problem u can try and search everythings to make u happy or find somethings to make u feel better..like me..i was thinking .i have nothing done to my wife so shes doin all this to me.so when i was checking the pages i seen ur site and readed all things in page.so i thought yous blaming to turkish people not kürdish.but i thought yous should look at yourself first then blame to our culture.i wouldnt say anythings bad or nice things for english people if i didnt know anything abt them but i know, there are some turkish people making shame our culture too.i accept that. soo if people happy eachother they will never write anythings to anywhere lol.

    yep thats what i was guna say natalie abt old english woman.if english woman tell someone to
    have sex with u in england,she will have a name there.so shes coming to turkey and goin with young man that he has no honor.and he can go with any woman and age doesnt matter.just for to get things from her.english woman must know she will lose some things for to get him.shes not daft.but sometimes she believe this so much and fallin love with him but he doesnt and maybe in millions maybe he can falling love with her.soo shes given him her everythings going to england selling her everythings and give him all her money and when she get sack of him shes says turkish man done this to me and blame every turkish man..its not right .andd some usually some kürdish man doin that.maybe a few some of turkish.but it everwyhere not in turkey too.i would like to write a story and I have a story to write here that I have been witness.and i seen everythings so live but maybe later i can write abt it.just let u know that its all old english womans mistakes.if they dnt give the chance to do that to man .man cant do this to them.thats sit.

  152. Muzo - part three says

    PART FOUR OF COMMENT SENT TO ME BY MUZO VIA E_MAIL

    im answering about the marry with turkish man.the original turkish man like honest one is trust me soo lovely person like they can look after their family never hit to the woman always care abt their family.also i have seen yous writes was saying ooo u have to make children.no its not like this.its wife and husbands chose.if they dnt want to they dnt have to.but we believe the baby bringing the more happiness into family and ur parents like ur mum and dad can believe u more and be sure when yous have child.but its should be like this in every culture.the baby is happiness key in the family.u can get more responsibility and much care abt ur family.we love children loads.why people marrying? for only sex noo way..to have lovley life and have nice children and for to grow up ur culture and bring to the world nice more persons.if there wasnt a nice family world would be shit for live.we believe to God.in ur culture many peoples doesnt believe to God.thats i hate it.u cnt really find a person who doesnt believe to God in turkey maybe a few.if there wasnt religion ,People flock of sheep without shepherds were similar.anyway we love children and the family needs a childrens.

    i know there many reletionships between turkish man and foreign woman work nice.but i have told that.there are some people can be bad in turkey or england or anywhere in the world..but i have readed many story here and they usually saying and blaming to the all turkish so they should think that there are some not all.and foreign woman want to get advice abt turkish men..i just tell them just believe and try to think with ur heart first and then with ur mind.nothing can stop front love as long as u love eachother.doesnt matter how yous far away eachother.and if u in love even u have a problem it can be really easy to solves for u.u just need to be honest in ur relationships thats all.

    thank u for your wishes natalie.but there are not any news from them.i dnt text her or say anything coz it hurts when she swears back.so just leave it to take time.hope she can realize.coz thats not my wife i know..shes was like an angel.some people probably filled her head there..oo also i want to tell u abt ur culture one bad more things.dnt know how to explain..yous have really so much prejudice abt the people..yous just throw the words before know even doesnt know abt someone.like my wife..shes saying to people oo hes like that bad..some people just believe it..they never ask why hes bad.for example if my brother fight with someone and if my brother not right i would slap him but i love to listen them eachother..but your people doesnt do this.think they are always right…sooo abt my wife..normally people needs to tell her shes doin wrong and try to help her to built everything but they make it worse.soo dnt know what will happen natalie.i want a miracle of God to fix this and praying for it..thank u for to be honest to me xxxx

    • says

      Hi Muzo, yes you are right. English people do make comments based on what they hear and not fact. If you believe in yourself though, you have to be hard and ignore these people. Also surround yourself with people that know the truth about you and how your personality is.

      I learned a hard lesson in life and that is not to assume that everyone is your friend. There is a big difference between friends and acquaintances and once you establish who is which, it makes it easier to deal with the hard times.

      But, I have to disagree with you when you tell women to follow their heart first. That is what leads them to this page because their Turkish boyfriend has hurt them. They need to follow their head first. If something is not right, our minds tell us. It is whether we choose to believe our own feelings or ignore which can determine the outcome of a relationship.

      At the end of the day, there is no simple answer to relationships. If I knew it then i would be a millionaire! Every ones situation is different and sometimes it helps these women just to write here and talk to a stranger.

      I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and hope that everything works out with your wife and you will get to be with your baby.
      Natalie wrote about..French Street in Istanbul

  153. someone says

    ayee natalie..i ignore sometimes what people says.yepp every people around me know abt me everythings and abt my personelity and i desrve the best things but always the bad things following me lol..i thought im too good for people and they using my good feelings.

    i know and i can understand how u feel.but life is not beautiful all the time..just ur choses make ur life better or worse.some people just say easy things abt their life when they get bad.like this is my destiny noo its not right i dnt believe that..coz in the life it is your choice to make ur life nice..not destiny.also u need lose first towin and u need to get upset sad to have before happiness..thats sit.

    i know u disagree abt to listen heart first..but how can u love someone with ur head first??? so if u think like that and if that possible,,u can order a love which like do u want.i ment that,u have to trust u have to believe and if u just think with ur head it wont be love..coz u cnt feel love..and u can try to love someone also the other side u can think u can lose him too.so u wont get hurt when u split up wtih him..but believe me.every people can say that they will never trust or love someone anymore when they split up with their love..but every time they can still go and love someone coz u cant tidy ur thoughts or ur feelings with ur head coz ur heart wouldnt let u or u cnt stop ur heart tolove someone.so the love can come anytime or when u are not waiting for it.so even u say ,woman should think with their head first ,,do u believe it urself??? when u will like someone and fall in love with him ,can u stop urself and think with ur head no :) coz u wont have time to think with ur head coz u will be busy with ur heart to love him more and u wont really realize coz the love will make u blind.dnt say no coz its true.anyway u cnt control love or urself to love someone and even people did get hurt they can still love and can forget their pains easly …

    ayee thats what im saying natalie..theese things here people writing andof course it can help to people but they will still do what they want to do..but they can get exprience from here and get lesson.u can advice them but u cnt control them.every people will do what they think is the best for them..for little example ,when i was 15 years old ma mum was telling me to not do things butiwas still do them and more.soo u can tell ur idea they can take or not its peoples choise..u know….

    thank u natalie ,i have to think positive but i dnt want to fool myself coz i dnt know what will happen and if somethings will happen it will so nothing can stop it..i only say abt it… I would refer her to GOD..and want God give to her what she deserve.. xxxx

    • says

      Hi Muzo, I say listen to your head first because if your head tells you that the person is right for you, then the heart will be feeling the same. But if you listen to your heart first, it can be wrong because of lust, emotion needs and a urge to be with someone. Decisions from your head are often more correct than what the heart tells us. I learned this from experience, not just with Turkish boyfriends but English as well. All the times, i have been hurt, could have been avoided as there was warning bells in my head that the person was not for me but I choose to ignore them because of my desires
      Natalie wrote about..Interview With An Imam – A Leader Of Islam

      • Someone says

        I always listen my heart and following my heart Natalie.if it takes me to wrong it’s ok I can learn and make my experience more stronge.english men are the worse about the hurt and cheat wee know that.there are choise in life so u can take bad or good and whatever u get it will tidy ur life .anyway I always listen my heart first and built it with my head what my heart says and if I always listen my head I wouldn’t love someone and I would be like a robot. Lol.I have lots of experience and lessons of life Natalie xxx

        • says

          You are not going to be alike a robot because if your head tells you it is right, then you listen to your heart. If your head tells you that something is wrong, then you have to ask yourself what

          • Someone says

            Natalie if I cnt feel then I cnt love.if I just listen my head I would only hurt people who loves me coz I would always think how to control love but we shouldn’t forget that .U cnt control the love.if u love someone ur head wont enough to stop u that’s all.sorry thats my idea xxxx

            • says

              ok – I think we will just have to agree to disagree but if what you say is true then you can not balme the women who fall for the bad turkish men as they are only following their heart

          • Someone says

            I know lol.anyway Natalie I’m tired of this.there are bad peoples everywhere in the world.just be yourself thats all.if someone hurt u it’s their own fault.soo just leave it to time and dnt control the life.coz it will happen what guna happen. ….

          • Someone says

            That’s good than Natalie .thank u for talk and listen.but my problem not fixed yet with my wife.dnt know if she in natal depress .hope she will get better soon otherwise everything will be worse.she doesn’t show me our boy too :( .anyway.take care xxx

  154. Katie says

    Oh, wow. The first time I visited Turkey I wasn’t expecting the men to act as they did. Turkish men seemed to be sweet talking, like Casanova. I didn’t take any of it seriously, and didn’t act on any of it either. It was uncanny how all of the men were smooth with Western women. Flirting can happen anywhere…but in Turkey it seemed to be on steroids. Now everytime I go back, I roll my eyes at it all. If a woman can’t pick up the warning signs and is heartbroken over it, she needs to reevaluate her life.

  155. JohnD says

    I read all the comments here its so funny to read all of this I just dont understand one thing why are all the women complaining about Turkish love rats dont the foreign women have faults
    can somebody answer me these questions
    1 why does a 20 year old guy fall in love with a 40 year old woman ?
    2 How can a specially English women fall in love with a person in 1 week ?
    3 Why do you come to Turkey for holiday ?
    sex ? or a real holiday ?

    As a summary I worked at holiday resorts in different places of Turkey for 7 years
    If you answer the questions above by yourself you will understand whos fault is all of these things
    Shit happens everywhere and its not right to blame a hole country just because of some holiday pricks
    by the way I am not Turkish aswell but I have respect to this country and the people in it.

    • Chris says

      I’d just like to say, John, that men can fall for an older woman. In the same way that women can fall for an older man.
      It annoys me so much that there is a double standard wherein there are many men who take up with women who are half their age and no one bats an eyelid. But the other way around and eyebrows are raised.
      I went to Turkey (Alanya) for a holiday. I wasn’t looking for sex. It was my first time there and I didn’t know what to expect.
      It was Murat’s first time there too, working in a restaurant. He only stayed there for a few months. He didn’t like it there. He comes from a traditional village in the east and was very shy. He didn’t have a clue how to behave with a woman. He was in his twenties and a virgin. Past tense!
      He latched onto me like a duckling that has just hatched from the egg and thinks the first thing it sees is its mother. Although I’m not saying he sees me as his mother!
      That was 2 years ago. We went back to have another holiday in Alanya. I have stayed at his home twice. We have talked all the time on webcam and via texts and Facebook.
      We have had difficulties when he has lost his job and he has been very down. We try to end it, but keep coming back together and the thought of never seeing him again is an awful one.
      I’ve told him there is no way he could come to England to live. An English test has to be passed now and his English is hopeless. Also, I have no money, or even a home. I’m currently staying with a friend.
      He has no money and he wants us to be together. He is determined to do whatever he can to achieve this.
      He is now working in Trabzon, where they are building railroads into the mountains. The work is hard and dirty and also dangerous, but the money is good. He is doing this to get money for us so we can marry and live in Elazig.
      I’m not sure how I will like living there, but life is short and I think sometimes you have to take a chance. I don’t want to get old wondering what might have been.
      He is half my age. I have tried to let him off the hook by saying he should be with a young woman who will give him children and who isn’t the same age as his mother.
      He says he doesn’t want children, that I should never say that again, that he knows his own mind, no one else can take my place, he loves me like crazy etc.
      We both cried the last time we spoke before he went to Trabzon. I was worried about him but he was adamant that it’s only for a few months, that he will come back in November and we will be married.
      So! I don’t think it’s impossible to love someone with a big age gap, though I realize that it may only last a couple of years. But it would be a very enjoyable two years. And I didn’t fall for him in a week. For a start, it was near the end of my holiday when I met him. We’ve continued with this for two years and it’s developed over that time.
      I think I’ve answered your questions. I’m twice his age, but that seems to have made no difference whatsoever. It didn’t happen in a week. And yes, personally, I went to Turkey for a holiday and nothing more!
      I never would have thought this would happen to me. But it did. And it turned my life upside down.

  156. jenn says

    hi… i read all the comments, the views and the opinons.. now im having doubts.. i met a turkish guy on a chatroom… he is sweet and charming.. he is 33yrs old and is single and a lawyer from budrom… we have been chating for 3months.. and im sort of smitten by him… he said he does feel the same… so, we decided to be in one… he says that he will come here in the philippines to meet up wit me.. since he is also busy.. we usually chat like once a week or so.. from dusk til dawn… am i to be concern about this?? is his coming sort of like a long distance booty call?? i hope not.. im only 24… and just starting to live my life…

    • jenn says

      he said he is coming over in 2months time… after reading all the comments should i be concern about him?? unlike the others.. he hasnt asked me for money.. actually, he want to marry me… he wants to spent his life wit me?? im like OMG!! wat am i to do?? can i trust him?? he says he likes me alot.. and wants me badly… and he has told his frends about me.. just that we havent met yet… thannks

      • says

        hi Jenn, Unfortunately we can not say whether you can trust this man or not. He might be a love rat or you might turn out to be your soul partner. If he had ulterior motives, then you probably would have warning bells by now. Pay attention to what you head tells you before your heart and you will be fine

      • a gentle turkish says

        Don’t believe him. He is after the visa and money. In Turkey it takes about 2 years for a man to decide whether he will marry the girl he loves or not.

        You may ask him if he has a bachelor degree or not to understand the his level. Because in Turkey, universities are nearly fee-less, and only the hard working and intelligent people go. He is trying to use you. He can be a bully at the long run.

        You are warned!

  157. Sylvia says

    Although the majority of holiday romances are doomed to failure, sometimes there are happy endings! Myself and my turkish husband are proof of that – together since 2004 & happily married since 2009. I would say this to women, please use your head and gut instinct. If something doesnt feel right, then it probably isnt. Just be realistic & dont look at your situation through rose tinted glasses. However, if you know in your heart he is genuine then just go for it & dont let other people put you off. Hope this helps & if anybody in this situation wants to chat i’m here :-)

  158. Beyazbayan says

    ? have read most of the posts and found some offensive those which state Kurdish men from the East are not to be trusted. Wake up there’s millions of Kurds from the East some good some bad and some would bore you to death.
    Women who are vunerable will be vunerable in any country. Meet a man have sex within hours then expect him to consider you a serious life partner. Get a grip ladies. ? appreciate that the bad lads are often very attractive – the looks the chat the dark flashing eyes – sea sand and a booze. ?f you want an easy romance and your old enough go for it but be honest with yourself and don’t write it up as a great love story then blame him for the failure.

    Yes my mans a Kurd from the East no ? didn’t meet him on holiday and yes its the best relationship ? have had. We have to make allowances for each other and of course the family play a large part in our lives. Mum found no problem with our mariage mind by eastern kurdish standards he was well past his sell by date at 33 so ? suppose she was prepared to accept any thing that the neigbours would see as remotely female if only to stop the gossip.

    We had been to the Uk three times and my husband knows ? will not return to live there so a visa is not an issue. We have been married four years and as yet no problems of course we may face prolems in the future and God willing we will solve them together.

  159. kimberley says

    am a recently separated women who is travelling to Turkey in September, oddly enough because I have a friend who has an apartment in Kusadasi she offered it to me because of my terrible year. I decided since I am travelling alone it would be nice to meet a man while there (I guess my intentions are the opposite). So, I put my name on a Turkish Personal Website. The responses were overwhelming but there were not only from Turkey but from Muslim men all over the world ie., US etc. I am 49 even at my young age have no problem meeting men even in Canada. I look younger for my age & am a good looking woman (sorry I’m not vain) albeit that’s not important. I only answered 2 men of the 30 that msg’d me. One was 40 who was all over the place and the other is 33 who is a High School Teacher who misses on the whole charm thing, the difference in age well even i Canada I get approached by younger men they never guess my age right I also know when I’m being buttered up. Of course as par usual he asked if I would ever go to Turkey. I told him I was in September. Well we must meet etc., I was hoping any ways as my intentions are selfish. He lives with his parents in Kayseri which I knew most do in Turkey due to their incomes. He seems on the surface sincere, doesn’t have the player charm which surprises me, as I have heard so many do. He is gorgeous of course & I go with a whatever attitude.
    My questions are what are some things to watch out for? I’m pretty street smart as I have had bfs before marriage? Why do they claim you when they like you, he told me from the beginning he does not like being an alternative? Which who does? The age difference isn’t over the top & I was in a relationship with a man 14 yrs younger before my marriage. It was great on all levels except drinking so I ended it after 6 yrs. My next question is there a difference in educated turkish me & the so called love rats etc.?

    • says

      Kimberley – when you say most live with their parents because of income, this is not strictly true so I want to ask what is your fellows job? General signs to watch for are a request for money, they tell you that they love you before they have even met you, just talked to you on the internet. Hushed calls or a certain period when he can not be reached because his other girlfriend is here. You will get warning bells, if he is a love rat don’t worry. The difference is whether you pay attention to them or ignore them because your heart is telling you otherwise

      • kimberley says

        Hi Natalie….he’s a teacher or so he says. He is from Kayseri and yes I do know about the whole love you before they meet you but this guy is terrible at the whole love rat thing. He actually lacks charm altogether. There are pics of him in a school but who knows. I wouldn’t give anyone a cent so he would be wasting his time. I’ve heard it all and seen it all. I actually met him on Turkish Personals which is a website for turkish singles. I really just wanted to meet some people from there. Have you ever heard anything negative about this site “Turkish Personals”

  160. kimberley says

    Sorry Natalie, actually maybe you know he says he has his Masters. I tried to see what a grammer teacher would make in Turkey as I know what they make in Canada. Also, why would a teacher not know his schedule? Unless they are not a teacher or Turkey has a different kind of schedule for teachers. I’m generally a suspicious person only because of my own experiences. I tried googling this info but its vague

  161. kimberley says

    Sorry again Natalie but I tried to no avail to see if I could find this on the internet. When we exchanged chat site names I noticed he had two different first names and his last name were spelt different he also had 2 different birthdays. When I asked he said some turkish people have two names?

    • says

      Hi Kimberley, A teacher should know his schedule. If he teaches primary and secondary school, at the moment they have three months off. The rest of the year is also more set in stone. I do not know anything about that website but because never used and never talked to anyone about it but please be very careful. Turkish people do not have two names and they do not have two birthdays.
      Natalie wrote about..Flower Passage and Istanbul Nostalgia – Portraits From The Past

        • kimberley says

          My instincts told me that and I did tell him that I wasn’t comfortable with the way things were going….

      • kimberley says

        Hi Natalie
        I’m in Turkey at this very moment and my teacher friend even before I met with him which was suppose to be Monday ended up asking me for money to bail him out of credit card debt. He turned on me, told me that a partner helps with everything but there has been no decision on that. He shut me down so I shut him down, there is no way I am giving money to a man I have yet to met and converdsations does not constitute a relationship. Cultural differences or not it’s wrong and this is supposedly an educated man.
        Just wanted to pass this on to any other women.

  162. devrim says

    First, I must appreciate your work. But I must also say that you generalized all turkish men in one type. I think it is a little offensive behaviour. Sorry for my bad English. I hope I dont hurt your feelings.

  163. amber says

    hi i lived in turkey for 3years then i met turkish man on facebook we started a relationship and he was a hard working kind man never asked for money we lived together for over 3yrs in antalya we applied for visa but was refused so i returned to my country set up home found work but alas refused again so as we are both adults we decided to end relationship as long distance relationships do not work..we are both heart broken but will remain friends.

    • says

      I will call this lady and her husband stupid John. She is not the first person to have sex outside of her marriage and she will not be the last, however did she really need to display her public life in the papers??? Re the Turkish man, not a lot is really said about him so it is hard to know whether he is a Turkish love rat or not. Maybe he does not sleep with every woman who comes in his bar, maybe he does. Unless you know the Turkish man, we will never find out if he is genuine or not.

  164. deniz says

    Hello, i am a turkish man living in Ankara. I want to share my take only so no offense. Reading some of the comments above have literally blown my mind. So that is why some of my male friends insist we spend our holiday in southern regions =) I have to tell you I have listened to a lot of “success” stories with “beautiful” foreign women told by socially awkward men who dont even make sense most of the time. Why would a man want to marry a FOREIGN person or even say he loves her out of the blue or invite her the next holiday when they can have a girlfriend/wife/other significant one just by his side speaking the same language. You are being used, if you have similar intentions then go for it. Otherwise I would recommend you apply the same strategies the Turkish women do to test him over and over again, as you’ll see most of the time those “gentle”, “romantic” men will instantly turn into hating monsters.

    • Nicole says

      “Otherwise I would recommend you apply the same strategies the Turkish women do to test him over and over again.”

      Deniz, what are the strategies, just so I know for next time!

      • deniz says

        In my opinion some women have flings and justify them saying i had feelings, he was hot etc. and others not so open to them they feel the need to justify their flings beforehand. The fact that turkish women are mostly the latter accounts for why they are so good at testing men and people think they dont have affairs. If you were to show yourself the worth of the man you were going to get involved with what would you do..clue: saying “no” and teasing them (yes sometimes obnoxiously) is a big part of it

  165. Chris says

    So Deniz, are you saying every Turkish man who appears to be gentle and romantic, will show his true colours and become a monster once he is married?
    Or you mean just the ones who marry a foreign woman? And if she then says “by the way, no way are we living in my country, we are living in Turkey”, presumably he has done it all for nothing, dammit. And that’s enough to infuriate anyone!
    I’m surprised there are any men left living in Turkey. Well, the east at any rate. It seems they are all desperately trying to get out of there.

    • deniz says

      Not at all, what i was trying to say is it is not always easy to judge a man’s “true colors”. His being a foreigner doesn’t make it any easier. Of course there are gentle, loving, authentic men from Turkey. Also, this is the first time ive heard of men who want to use women as a means of getting out of the country. I would say there is more than enough work, money, luxury in Turkey but the grass is always greener in England =). Why date a man who cant make enough money to get by any way.

      • Chris says

        Oh my, Deniz, the first you’ve heard of it? Really?
        I have to tell you that it’s very common indeed. And that everyone, if I mention a Turkish boyfriend, automatically thinks he wants money or a visa.
        Especially if he is from the East. I hardly know where to start telling you about this, it’s so widespread.
        As for making enough money, it’s not so easy if a man is poorly educated and from Eastern Turkey.
        The man I’m in a relationship with was working in Istanbul a year ago. (Doing what I don’t really know. Something to do with ventilation. His English is hopeless!)
        He was working 6 days a week and he told me he got 700 lira a month. Which he seemed quite happy with.
        I tried to explain that I earn more than double that for just working 4 days a week. He looked amazed. And I was amazed that he could earn so little.
        Surely that isn’t typical of wages in Turkey? And if it isn’t, why is that all he was getting paid?
        If it is, then I can understand why a lot of Turks want to get themselves a British wife (or one from another prosperous country in Europe) and they hope to come here and live well.
        As for dating a man who doesn’t make enough money, I wish I could have found myself a wealthy Turkish business man instead of a poor cook! But we can’t help who we fall for!
        He wants us to live in his home town of Elazig, where I’ve stayed twice, so I know it’s all fields and mountains and traditional living. I’d rather live a more modern life in a lovely resort like Alanya or a big city like Istanbul. But it’s not going to happen.
        You really should read all the posts on here, Deniz. You’d be amazed how many Turkish men just want a visa so they can live and work and earn good money over here. And they reckon the easiest way to achieve that is to get a British wife.

        • Deniz says

          No he is getting paid minimal wage. Centre of Elaz?? is not so bad and not very rural at all by the way but maybe he is from a small town in Elaz??. In general men of that city are known to be courageous and honest there are exceptions though =) Good luck but never forget there is a possibility he might not feel the same way and regret it once you are married.

          • Chris says

            Deniz, he doesn’t actually live in Elazig, it’s just the nearest city. He lives in a rural area near Kovancilar. I’ve stayed there and believe me, it is rural!
            He may indeed regret it and so may I! But I’ve never met anyone so devoted and loving and caring. I’ve pointed out that I’m a lot older than him and there won’t be any children. He insists “sen ve ben yeter”. And that we’ll be together until death, though I’ve also pointed out that will be here a lot sooner for me than him! He didn’t like that and said I mustn’t say it again. He says I’m his first love and I will be his last.
            He is in Trabzon at the moment, doing heavy, hard work for 12 hours a day, to get money for us.
            I’m prepared to take a chance. He’s made me happier than I’ve been for a long time.
            If it all goes wrong after a while, at least we tried and it will be an experience I’ll never forget.

  166. chen says

    hi there,, i am enjoying reading all these stories about turkish guys. I myself have a turkish frend,, (some1 special) we met in facebook, and do skype always,, he seems nice,, if he shows some pervertness he feels sorry and since then he would not open up nasty topics anymore, he doesnt like hot dirty chats,,, he said he is starting to feel somthing more depper feeling for me, he loves me,, and want to come for me,, i am feeling normal, not want to expect much,, and not demanding anything,, i have proper job and he got nice job also,, we dont talk about money,. only love,, i like him too, but since i have not been with with personally and i havent seen him behave in person, i really cant decide what to feel, although im starting to fall in love with him,,, need advices,,, thanks and more power to this site :D

    • says

      How do you know you are starting to fall in love with him when you have never even met him? You are not failing in love with him, you are falling in love with the idea of having a boyfriend.

      The first thing you need to do is arrange a meeting with him. From there, you can decide better if he is for real and if there is a good chance for you to be together.
      Natalie wrote about..Göcek –Sophistication that is Not Part of My World

      • chen says

        thanks natalie, ^_^, i said that i am feeling such maybe because day by day i am looking forward to talking to him, i think of him day and night, and the idea of that he is coming to meet me finally makes me excited,,, feels like,,, i must be really special,, although,, sometimes,, when i get back to my senses, i thought of just feeling normal again,,, :)

  167. canadiangirl says

    im a canadian girl dating a turkish man who is a canadian citizen as well so there is no visa issue obviously. i had a question for anyone who could answer, as we are in kind of a long distance relationship where he lives a few hours away from my city here in canada but we do meet every 3-4 weeks as he will drive 8 hours to come see me. one time, when i went to visit him in his city, we bumped into some acquantances of his, he has introduced me to his close friends and they know i am his gf…however bumping into his acquantances he simply introduced me by my name but did not mention i was his gf….i was a bit taken aback….is this a sign of something wrong? he is quite religious and simply stated it was because he couldn’t introduce me as a gf since it wasn’t proper…yet his close friends know about me. im very confused.

    • says

      There could be many reasons for this. These acquaintances, maybe he does not want them to know a lot about his life. The most important thing is that his close friends know about you. If he was denying your existence to close friends, then I would be worried but acquaintances are always people that we will keep at a distance. If there has been no other circumstances, that get you concerned then I would not worry too much about this.
      Natalie wrote about..Göcek –Sophistication that is Not Part of My World

  168. Marie says

    I’ve been going to turkey for the last 6 years, and I keep going back as it such a beautiful place, and obviously for the weather. I’ve had a couple of romances the 1st I saw it for what it really just a bit of fun, he worked in a bar kept asking me to buy things etc which I didn’t and I knew deep down all he was interested in was coming to the the UK. Over the last few years had a English boyfriend but when I went back this year being single ended up going out a few times with a Turkish guy that I’d actually known for a few years and I trusted and who also had his own business. I ended up going back again 3 months later to be with him but soon realised he had lied about alot of things, and was only after my money and more or less admitted that to me. I really trusted this guy and fell for all his charm, but he didn’t get anything out of me. I may have been stupid but not that stupid !!!! I wouldn’t ever get involved with a Turkish man again personally and I know you can’t tar ever one with the same brush, as I know alot of very nice Turkish people. Just will find it hard to trust anyone again, but another hard lesson learnt :o(

    • otsman says

      well marie, in this type of holiday places, never ever trust any man, not just turkish or alien ok!

      nature of this business is to get more and more and more people to know, to chat, to love to do sex everytime. it is just like red carpeted world on sand ok! it doesnot affect this reality whether you are in turkey hawai or jamaika…. it is all the same… therefore any man will have chances to compare ladies.
      that is rude truth darling, get grown up little….

  169. Lucee says

    Hey everyone, im 20 nearly 21 and have recently been to Turkey where i met a very lovely 22 year old turk on a boat trip :) he is the most gorgeous boy i have ever seen! haha i know looks arnt everything but he is also a very lovely person. He took me and my parents around the area we were staying to show us round and he was in no way a sleeze and wasnt just seeing me for ‘what he could get’. I am in no way naive and im not at all ‘loved up little girl’ because some turkish guy called me beautiful on holiday, but yea, i do like him. My parents absolutely love him aswel hahaha and would love for him to come to england for a holiday. We speak everyday on skype and he just makes me laugh so much hes not forever badgering me about marriage and stuff even though he has brought it up once or twice we just like to see each other and just laugh and joke and sing hahahaha. I do know he would love for me to marry him and as were going back to the same place next year i am genuinely worried that he will ask me to marry him for real… ive already said we are too young and he does know that but i can just it happening! I jus dont want to upset him! :( Its really hard to explain how us english people work as in actually having a relationship with someone before marriage etc. If anyone knows of someone who is fluent in turkish and english then their email would be much appreciated to help me translate and explain to him how i feel properly!

  170. Bar?? Bak?rc? says

    I enjoyed reading this article however it does not illustrate the reasons why Turkish men are so attractive, and why it usually ends badly. First of all we are talking about a culture which adopts Islam but not in a manner like Iran does. The Islam in Turkey does not effects the laws but it affects the norms of the society. So this lead a situation where the women are opressed constantly, and they are called whores if they have a sexual relationship with men they are not married. This leads to two situations:

    1- Men become filled with desire because, because they cannot satisfy their needs for sex. (this is why they are so passionate)

    2- Women from European countiries rarely keeps their virginity until marriage and they are much more eager for sexual relationships compared to Turkish women, and this makes them the perfect target for men.

    Additionally, it could be agreed that brunettes are the majority of women in Turkey which increase the demand for european women. However, as much as this looks like the perfect match, things start to fall apart when women ask for a serious relationship. The very Turkish man who opress women finds himself in a position where he is supposed to love a woman whom he would also opress under normal circumtances. Considering that most of these men are unable to understand and respect the perpectives of other cultures, they either run away from the woman or keep them as their prisoner. It is possible that even the educated Turkish men can be conservative about their values.

    So what is the solution? Here some advices to see if you can make it work with your Turkish man:

    * Test him: Do or ask for sth which is not appreciated in Islam intentionally. See how he responds, and try to find out if he is able to show emphaty.

    * If you are picking up a guy who looks like the one in picture be warned! There will be many women desiring these hot guys :) and they are masters of manipulation when it comes to make a women believe she is the only one for him. Try to be modest about your choices, besides men who looks good cannot improve themselves since there is always someone to ignore their imperfections and make them feel ok about it.

    * Try to find a man who is not rich and not poor either. Believe me both type will try to use you.

    * And finally, going for educated men would reduce your chance to end up with a broken heart. Despite I know how punks can be charming and funny, they are no good in the end.

    Yeah this is a summary of reasons and the solutions. However, all of these does not matter at all if you are looking for one night stand because, Turkey is the paradise for it.

    Have a nice holiday in Turkey.

    A Turkish guy :)

    • Nat says

      A perfect explanation from someone who is obviously in the know. Thank you for taking the time to add this comment. You wrote it better than I ever could

  171. susie says

    sorry so…I am divorced, single parent, 40, frumpy and lumpy and when I met him, him being 43 neither frumpy or lumpy :) the chemistry was unmistakable. There were girls young and old, pretty and less so, slim and overweight, eager and shy…but for a reason unknown to me, it was me who drew his attention. I was neither looking for nor expecting attention but I got it. It just felt so natural, so fluid and after a week I found myself drawn to him at every opportunity. Of course the holiday ended and I am a realistist, holiday romance, confidence booster, a bit of fun for both of us but we talk and text and I have agreed to go back at the end of the season. This is not a middle aged woman deluding herself over a younger adonis but perhaps a middle aged woman deluding herself over a middle aged adonis!!! When I ask my friends why would he chose me over all the beautiful slim young tourists if he just wanted casual holiday sex they say because he probably just wants a visa. Ouch…surely if that was the case he would have sorted himself out before 43 years of age? lol oh my word and I thought it was complicated when I was a teenager!!??!! I am nobodys fool, have experienced life with all its joys and falls but what if??? what if we walk away from something lovely out of cynicism??? Or is that just an old fool talking?? Look forward to hearing your take on things

    • Nat says

      Well susie, there is no big age difference here which is a good sign. If he has not asked for money, telephones or laptops that is also a good sign. As for the visa you will never know because maybe he will truly love you and want to marry you, in which case you will have to make a decision as to whether you will live in Turkey or the UK. Go with the flow and if it is not meant to be, you will get warning signals.

      • otsman says

        oh my god, how surreal all of you… please…. 99 percent of holiday loves and mariages are only for the visas. Bare in mind that ladies OK!

        if you get married happily and moved to UK or wherever, you will get two behaviour from your young turkish hubby,

        1. if your country, city, street, house, work does not make him glad and feel different from his country, you will be definetely betrayed.

        2. if he likes everything that he firstly sees, than he will fall in love to you and to your everything again again again..

        this is very simple rule of they lived happily ever…

  172. Nicole says

    Hi there! Nice blog, loving it. I’ve been to Turkey with my parents every year for a while now and we usually go to Icmeler. We all love the place! It is absolutely beautiful. For all the years I’ve been coming, I’ve always got attention from the turkish guys, although I promised myself I would never get involved with one…welllll, kinda broke that promise this year. He worked at my apartments and appeared sweet and thoughtful although really cheesy at times, as are most waiters. We did sneak about my parents for a while, (they have a set impression on turkish guys), but only touching and kissing. Impossible to get away from them when none of your friends are there! I really enjoyed sneaking about with him and it was the thrill of the secrecy which made it even more exciting. He did ask me for sex one night but I said no. I wanted him to know that I was independent and then maybe he’d respect me more. Plus, I could NOT get away from my parents anyway! I had the attitude that this was just a summer romance and I’d forget about it when I went home… NU-UH. It’s been over a month now and it’s the only thing on my mind. What makes it worse is that I had him on facebook and we went on camera every day for a fortnight when I came back… we did talk about ‘different’ things since my mum and dad couldn’t over hear… After that fortnight he just stopped talking to me. I never tried to talk to him, I didn’t want to seem like I cared…but I did. Eventually I did send him quite an angry message on facebook but even though he was online, he never replied. That was it. I just deleted him from my phone, msn, facebook and now I’m trying to forget about him. I still haven’t and it’s taking time. My message is to all girls going on holiday looking for a summer romance and to forget about it when they come back, DON’T. JUST DON’T. It doesn’t work that way. For me, 3 weeks of pure, holiday indulgence was not worth the horrible month I’ve just had of worrying and feeling stupid.

  173. Nat says

    Nicole, so true. No matter what our plans, we can not control our emotions even if we try to act as if we do not care. Very good advice and thank you for passing it on

  174. Ed SELBY says

    My wife “met” aguy from Turkey on facbook nearly two years ago
    I have read nearly every website and blog I can to educate myself
    I love my wife and have been surprised to watch the ongoing chat / love building while always hoping that it was just internet fascination
    They had never met until my wife wnt on a holiday with friends which did not have Turkey as a destination
    A bit fuzzy about how it transgressed but they did meet up
    Things are frosty now she is home
    I am concerned that the person involved does not actually care for my wife or the fact that we are still married and [30 years] and that it will all end up in tears for us
    I haven’t actually seen many stories of married women and much younger Turkish men with their own children either internet commenced or otherwise
    Any advice

    • says

      Ed – I read your comment and could not decide whether it was a joke or not. I decided to publish it though, because if it is not a joke, my heart really goes out to you.

      First of all, Turkish men often crawl Facebook looking for females. Some of them have 2, 3 or even four accounts. This meeting is nothing unique. I often get emails from girls, saying they met a Turk on Facebook who says he loves them and can they trust him.

      Second, I don’t know whether this Turk cares for your wife however she needs to be very careful. She is putting a thirty year marriage at risk by meeting him on holiday. A Turkish man would go crazy if his wife did this.

      You really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Ask her direct what her intentions with this man are.
      Natalie wrote about..Sumela Monastery and the Black Madonna

      • Ed says

        I can assure you this is not a joke posting

        If it were not happening to me I would not believe it

        My wife has stated intentions of going back there to start businesses with this man and his associates

        I am convinced that there is no basis to the relationship apart from a sinister intent from them to make a profit from the investment of money from a love struck married woman thinking that Turkey will provide her with a business and love future

        How can I stop her from what I believe is a path of self harm

      • Ed SELBY says

        We have spoken heart to heart but she is evasive
        Since the overseas trip and the fact that they only physically met one another after a two year internet / skype “relationship” my wife is now planning to return to Turkey in December to set up both a relationship – despite that we are still married – but also of concern is that she thinks she will buy property in Turkey and own businesses to be run by the local man – with the only person she knows in Turkey being this person who has conversed on the internet for two years

        I have expressed my opinion to her that this is either a scam to relieve her of money – for example she has sent money by Western Union 6 months ago on the pretext of buying sheep for a huge short term profit – of course that money has never been seen again – and yet is recently sendinfg money for phones laptops and so on to help set up the business

        OR

        a trap to get her to commit her part of the marital assets in a country where she will have no power to resist any negative forces

        How can I explain it to her

        Of course is there a chance it could all work out for her

        • says

          Ed – Unfortunately this sounds like the common scam – the fact that she is sending money is alarming. This business that she is helping to set up. Has she signed any paperwork to prove that she is a partner, before sending money over? Is there actually any business? Has she had a lawyer of her choice review paperwork? Ask to see the paperwork confirming that her money has also been matched by the Turkish man. Tell her to use an independent lawyer not one that he chooses.

          Tell her your thoughts but the chances are she will not listen as she is chasing a dream. If you have joint finances with her, then separate then now. I have heard many stories of couples that have worked for years, the women has an affair with the Turk, they take all the money and then dump them. The couple are left with nothing.

          If she will not listen to you, protect yourself and make sure your half of the assets can not be used.
          Natalie wrote about..Sumela Monastery and the Black Madonna

  175. gokhan says

    Hi Ms. Natalie i have read most of the comments i don`t understand why you blame every Turkish men those men who lie to western older woman are generally Kurdish people living in the east of Turkey and working in the summer time jobs they refuse to get education they don`t even know English grammar they learn this language by hearing anyway some of them aim one night stand some wanna move to west ( actually they will be disappointed when they move to when arrived to Europe because i had been there several times) anyway the old women are so horny they can`t find young boys in their countries so they going to there for sex tourism the main problem is that why they dreaming of marry with waiters ? are they stupid? they just wanna play games when it comes to me i got good education and i visited united states lived there i went to Europe as well but i never thought to be refugee . i like older woman than me because young girls are childish you go on warning your citizens not to marry with hotel workers they should not give them chance to marry or such a stupid stuff i want you to be honest and don`t`blame every Turkish man. you have no right to blame me. and please english women understand the difference between turkish and kurdish men.

  176. Nicole says

    At the apartments I was staying in, there was a fight between the bar staff (kurdish) and the owners (turkish). In the end, the bar staff left and we were sad to see them go, as they really did make our holiday. What they said to us though, was that the owners didn’t trust them and thought they were stealing money, all because they were Kurdish! I can’t really take sides with this one since I don’t know the whole story, but I do think theres a good chance this could be true. If it is, my heart really goes out to the staff that left! I never really understood the relationship between the kurdish and the turkish until then!

  177. says

    Damn Natalie, the comments here are out of control!

    As a Brit, there is the whole stereotype about women having romances with Turkish men and like you say, it often ends with heartache as the woman will get carried away whilst wearing rose-tinted glasses. Then again on reading the comments, there are many happy couples who have made things work.

    I think what you say here can apply to any holiday romance, and the bit about different cultures can apply to ANY culture. My partner is Korean and sometimes we clash, but we learn to accept the differences and take a moment. It’s important to remember that some ways aren’t wrong, they’re just different and if you want things to work, then compromise is they key word.
    Tom @ Waegook Tom wrote about..The Best Bites in Britain

    • says

      I like your summary at the end tom – it is not that the ways are wrong, they are just different. I think many people in mixed marriages forget this.

  178. Ytria says

    I´ve enjoyed this blog as the most. I was in Istanbul two years ago, by some reason I´ve found myself drinking at hotel’s bar and end up flirting with this turkish (or kurdish?) good looking man. Nothing happened then but shared online contacts. Sporadicaly he sent me messages about how much he missed me and loved me ( how in hell someone can “love”other from a drunken night?with no conversation at all as very very poor English). Nevertheless.. as I broke up with my boyfriend (also a foreign) and found myself looking for some “forgetting holidays” , but as very fresh this situation, I was not looking for anything serious..I gain touch casually again with this barman after 2 years being in Turkey . He seemed really excited about me going back to Istanbul, and even he was talking about marriage (again..? with a drunken girl from one night?.. huge red lights .. also worth to mention that I am 10 years older). Well anyway as per my scientific curiosity I conducted “my experiment” and kept following the line with him by these social networks. The fact is that from day to night, he stopped the romance and write just about sex ( oh! what a surprise!) and after that , not writing at all, so I asked him, and freshly he said he found someone else, ( a local girl i guess ) very in love and very happy… the shortest experiment ever! jaja .. anyway I am still going to Istanbul this year and keeping my observational experiments.. sorry to say to forum readers.. this story adds on to the stereotype of people working at turism, and from eastern sides of Turkey..

      • Ytria says

        Hello all,
        Just to provide the updates of my latest trip to Turkey ( Istanbul). As been said, I conducted my experiments, and can tell you that I found a good mixture of everything. Very decent man and also the classic Turkish ( and very sorry, this second type belonged to South Turkey also!) who chase the foreign as a piece of meat.. they are also very confident and some of them almost try to give like orders ( do this, go there, don´t do this).. interesting to watch..

        Fortunately I had the chance to treat them first as friends (important note, these men were not waiters, but university educated men) to understand better what they are expecting.
        Yes, I had a fling but the words ” I love you” never appeared, which in this case is a good thing.

        As per amazing coincidences of destiny, I encounter the Turkish barman by crossing the street, we chatted a bit, told me he broke with his girlfriend and “his heart was only mine” .. haha! . Anyway I accepted his invitation had a Narguile time, and that was it. He obviously expected more from me, but sorry Mr, you lost your chance ha!.. It is amazing when you take a cold shower all your perspectives change. I would say to all enjoy the holidays, Turkey is beautiful and rich, you can find good and bad as everywhere, but if you think to move/travel to the country, do it for the country itself, not just following the image of a man.

  179. Anya says

    Hi, I went to Bodrum in May and met a gorgeous Turkish waitor. We spent a few nights together and since being back in the UK we talk on Facebook every day and Skype once or twice a week. He says he loves me and I am his everything etc etc. Reading all of this stuff is freaking me out because he did the whole rose napkin thing and is constantly saying Seni seviyorum and calling me askim. I have booked and paid for a ticket to go and see him at the end of the year for 1 month but I am feeling massive anxiety at the moment after reading everyone’s posts! How do I know if he is a fake? I am 24 and he is 26. What are the warning signs? How do I test to see if something suss is going on? My family are all very concerned about me going and worry for my safety. I think that he is genuine but maybe I have rose colored glasses? Your article was so true to what I’m experiencing it’s made my stomach flip (in a bad way) Help!

    • says

      Hi Anya,

      The first thing to do is not to panic because if you do, you may end up accusing this boy of being a love rat when he is not. Be careful not to confuse normal problems in a relationship with signs that he is a love rat.

      The problem with Turkish men is they confuse love and lust, this is how they are able to declare undying love within a quick matter of time. Remember this.

      The age difference between you is actually good and not typical of a love rat relationship.

      You are going to see him for a month which is great as this means you can spend time together and determine whether this relationship is for real. Forget about testing him. If he has ulterior motives, they will come to the surface without any promoting from you.

      Like I have said in the comment above, if he is not for you, there will be warning bells. For example, if you arrive and he wants all your money for the month, that is a warning bell.

      During that month, he should be spending most of his time with you. This is to be expected as you do not live in the same country.

      If he disappears for nights out with the boys and does not invite you,this is a warning bell as he may be meeting other women

      If his phone rings and he will not take the call in front of you, this is a warning bell as it may be another woman.

      Relax, be yourself and let him be himself. If he is a love rat, you will know it just by the things he does and says.

      Please let me know how you get on.
      Natalie wrote about..A Panoramic View of Rize from Çaykur Tea Garden

      • Anya says

        Thanks for your reply!
        I feel a bit better now..
        I just kept reading and the more I read, the more I was like…wait a minute maybe this isn’t such a good idea!
        My mother seems to think that human trafficking happens in Turkey. She is concerned that he is a ‘fake’ and I’m going to get drugged and sold…Have you heard of anything like this?? Or kidnapped for ransom?
        I think she has been watching too many movies myself…
        I’m not really sure where I am staying, or what our plans are, so I don’t know if that is a really dodgy thing?
        If there are any questions you think I SHOULD be asking before I go, let me know!

        • says

          Hi Anna, human trafficking does happen in Turkey but it also happens in every other country of the world including the USA and the UK. It is very unheard for an incident to happen on the Aegean coast and that is where Bodrum is.

          To put your mums mind at rest, get an address and telephone number of where you will be staying, pass on the telephone number and Facebook account details that you are using to keep in contact with this boy. Also make a photocopy of your passport and leave it with your mum. If anything happens to your passport while you are here, you will get your mum to fax the photocopy to the British consulate in Bodrum and from there, you will get a temporary passport to get you out of the country. Make your mum a promise that only you will use your cash card and out of your budget, allocate a certain amount for emergencies such as buying a early return ticket should it all go wrong.

          I very much doubt he is trafficking though as they tend to target the east Europeans who come to Turkey looking for work and the traffickers are not waiters.

          Ask where you will be staying before you leave. If he says the staff house, do not accept this as there will be other staff there, mostly male and you will probably be the only female.

          Your mum is imagining the worst case scenario but it is nice that she worries about you. Promise her that you will call her all the time to keep her updated.
          Natalie wrote about..The Galata Mevlevi Whirling Dervish House and Museum

    • Nicole says

      Hey anya! I couldn’t help but laugh a little at myself when you mentioned the rose napkin thing! I had the exact same thing made for me and he even told me he was a florist in istanbul during the winter. Now that I know a rose napkin is common with these guys, I highly doubt he’s a florist, perhaps it was just to make himself sound a bit romantic? Oh silly old me again…

  180. kerri says

    HI,IVE MET MARRIED TURKISH MAN WHILE ON HOLIDAY FOR 2 WEEKS HE WAS VERY LOVING AN ENGLISH GIRL THAT WORKED IN HOTEL TOLD ME SHE NEVER SEES HIM CHAT UP WOMEN HE SEEMED QUIET HE ASKED ME TO MEET HIM AND I DID HE NEVER TRYED ANYTHIN IAM GOING BACK TO TURKEY AGAIN HE ASKED ME TO KEEP IN TOUCH AS HE GAVE ME HS MOBILE AND EMAIL ADDRESS HES 6 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME HE KNOWS IAM ALSO IN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE SHOULD I BE SCARED I REALLY LIKED HIM ALOT WE DIDINT HAVE DATE TILL MY LAST HOLIDAY NIGHT WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

  181. fiona says

    Hi everyone! I got back from marmaris on the 7th of this month. I didnt expect anything to happen over there, I’m really independant and dont care for men in scotland never mind abroad. anyway me and my pals went to the same bar every night for our tea and or a drink, i ended up liking one of the waiters who was really sweet and funny, seemed like a right genuine nice bloke, we all became pretty paly with them all but i took a liking to one and it must have been obvious to him because he asked me to go out with him after his shift, I think we all know what that meant ha! Anyway I said no and his ego seemed damaged, didnt really come over and talk to us, maybe a bit pissed off. One of the waiters came over and called me a scottish slut and said if he wanted me he could have me and seemed furious, pah how rude! ANYWAY a few nights later (our last night there) I still quite liked the waiter so said id meet him after his shift. I was crapping myself, I didn’t know where he was going to take me, his english wasnt great but not bad and i was in a foreign country leaving my pals to go god knows where! one of my mates said he would just take me to the beach, have sex with me and id go back to the hotel which made me anxious cause im not. slut and i know lots of girls would be fine with that. We went to a wee shop and gotba few drinks, went for a walk and he took me to a nice wee hotel and paid for the room. I won’t go in detail obviously haha but we stayed up and drank our beers watching turkish tv and talking about our lives, he said hes tried to come to the uk and used the reason as he had a girlfriend but his visa got declined and its too exoensive etc and i told him about the angry waiter, he said he was jealous and is used to getting many girls so when I didnt want him he didnt like it and i exolained to the nice one i was with that i wasn’t a slut and not to think of me like many young girls that go there and sleep with everone , really really nice guy. Wanted to take me for breakfast in the morning, more than what you get over here anyway! Me and my friends went back to the bar for our tea the next night before the flight home, said our goodbyes. I found him on facebook and weve briefly spoke, he said he likes me and he asked if i can go over to turkey in the winter but not to marmaris, to his home town Antep in Gaziantep. I should get a plane to istanbul then from Istanbul to gaziantep and hell pick me up from there. i said maybe. So i started looking at flights tonight. All with doubts though. Seems a bit full on for my liking. And its a bit dangerous. could bloody murder me! He is really nice though, the visa thing is probably putting me off and I dont know where this place is and hardly know him. thought id share my story with you, not very exciting but hey ho. what to do next..!

    • says

      Gaziantep is south east Turkey and you will not see many foreign tourists there. Some like it and some don’t. If you end up going, I would opt to stay in a hotel and not with his family. Just let your parents know where you are going and agree to ring them every day. Ultimately, you have to decide if you like this guy that much to fly 6 hours across the world for him. Let me know what you decide.
      Natalie wrote about..The Grand Hagia Sophia of Trabzon

      • Nicole says

        Hi Fiona

        I’m a 36-year old woman and I fell for it as did most of the 18-25 year old women who work in my office and went to Marmaris this summer (weirdly most of them).

        I’ve seen a trail of tear-stained faces emerge from the loo at work over the last 3 months, mascara run, eyes all puffy – and it’s all because a handsome Turkish waiter promised the world and delivered…bugger all.

        Their accents, dark good looks, vulnerability, stories about army life and how hard it was, the holiday vibe…it’s a recipe for heartbreak on an awfully big scale. Yours.

        Don’t go – ditch the Turk and forget the whole idea.

        Nicole xx

        • fiona says

          I do think its all a bit strange. I would actually really like to go over (Istanbul has been discussed now) but take a friend with me and make it a wee city break and if we meet, we meet. Hes not fed me any bull sh** stories or anything, hes only 22, im 25 forgot to mention that in my original post. I probably wont up going. Im very skeptical about things like this in the UK never mind outwith so not over thinking it. Thanks for the advice nicole :) xx

  182. Emily says

    Turkish men are not all the same.
    I went on a girls holiday and yes we got the typicl flirt and sleeved on. I had a fling with one of the hotel managers, we spent a few nights together and then to find out he was boasting to his staff about being with me so i called it off. On the other hand one of the bar staff stood and watched this happen with disgust and spoke to me on my last day of my holiday and i have kept in contact with him ever since. I went back only 8 weeks later and spent the whole week with him. He was a true gentalmen, asking me what i wanted to do and wouldnt let me pay for a thing! i can understand that guys in that line of work gets alot of attention and i myself would take advantage of it. I dont trust him simply becuase of the sterotype of turkish men but i am giving him the chance to prove to me he can be trusted as he cried when i was leaving and wouldnt let me get on the bus to the airport. I am only 18 and would Love to spend next summer with him or 2 months before i settle in uni back home. I am mainly worrying about the turst issues and how difficult it is for him to come here!