My Turkish Love Letter : Part Two

Readers, if you missed part one, you can catch up with what has happened here. The short version is that I received a love letter from an ex-boyfriend who is currently behind bars.

I had no intention of waiting for him or visiting him in prison but was undecided on what my response should be. After many draft versions, I finally wrote a heart-felt letter back. As normal, names or very private information have been omitted.

Turkish Love Letters – Part Two

I received your letter last week and read it repeatedly. You wrote that I had captivated you, since the first day we met and you wanted me to be the only woman in your life.

Yes, there was a mutual attraction between us. Something special happened.

Do you remember everything? Every little detail. I do

The strong emotions when we looked at each other. When you held my hand, it felt like it was on fire. We were so close. Every morning we woke up, I looked at you, and you kissed me with intense passion. I was so happy but you took my body and soul, then broke them.

When you left, your friend told me everything but I didn’t believe a word. I thought it was a cruel joke. I still rang your telephone every day. I waited morning and night, for you to text me. When I knew your story to be true, I asked everyone how I could see you but they assured me you would soon be back.

“Do not worry” they said.

Then your brother told me the bad news. That your sentence was five long years. I  cried. Again and again. Strong tears caused by you and no-one else.

Do you know that crying is not as easy as forgetting? Believe me, this is true.

I needed to forget you and I did. I wanted the easy way out of the terrible situation, we found ourselves in.

Now your letter has come and I remember those moments again.

But you are not here with me.

Can I look into your eyes? No

Can you hear me when I cry? No

Can you touch me? No

I do not look at your photograph anymore. My memories with you can never be relived. Surely, you must understand that. They are the past, not the future.

I am sorry but I cannot come to see you. Losing you was not easy on my heart. Please understand. Just one bad incident and the brick walls of a prison were enough to separate us. For this reason, I have to believe that we were never meant to be together.

I will be your friend if you want. I will write to you while you are in prison but please do not ask any more than this from me. I cannot give it to you



VictimHow I Came To My Decision

Readers’ comments on the Turkish Love Letter-Part One, asked me to consider many aspects regarding my Turkish Romeo and his request for me to be part of his life.

  • What kind of future would we have?
  • Does he have a jealous and angry personality that I might see in the future?

They were all very good points, but only one thought kept popping into my mind.

At this time in my life, I am expressing a deep need to be alone. Don’t get me wrong. I am not retreating into the corner to lick my wounds while sobbing over my Turkish lover.

Far from it. Over the last year, I discovered that when a series of bad events happen over a short period of time, the human mind has a remarkable reaction.

With me, I feel empowered. I feel strong enough to tackle life as a single female. With the knowledge that I have already been to hell and back, I feel ready to embrace my independent nature, need for solitary confinement and quirky habits.

Growing up, the values of Western society often caused me to make many mistakes. Society deemed that if I were not married by 30 with at least two kids, then I was a freak of nature. The woman who would become a spinster surrounded by cats.

The culture traditions of Turkey just enforced this hideously incorrect stereotype even more.

A woman cannot survive by herself.

She needs a man to protect her.

While all the time, I knew this statement to be wrong, I was so desperate to fit in with society and made choices that conflicted with my personality. It is time now though, to embrace my core beliefs.

  • I do not want children
  • I do not want someone to crowd my personal space
  • I do not need a male figure to live my life successfully

If any man does manage to become a permanent fixture, it will be because I want him in my life, not because I need him.

Does it matter if society views me as a freak for wishing to live my life alone?

Yes, it does matter to me but the need to pursue my own happiness and self-contentment is far greater and I think the rewards will be even richer.

Readers Question : How do you feel about cultural stereotypes of older single women?


(Picture credit)

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Hi. My name is Natalie Sayin and I am the author of The Turkish Travel Blog. I am an Internet addict with a passion for history. Read my story here or leave a comment below to join the discussions.
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  1. says

    Natalie your not a freak to want to be on your own. Before I married my husband I would quite happily lived alone and not worry about kids or have a man in my life.

    But here I am, for now this is your path and being alone is a show of how strong you are because many can’t stand being without someone.

    What is meant for you will be, I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find your happiness.
    Kerry wrote about..The Day of Aşure in Turkey

    • Tracey says

      I decided at a young age I did not want children…instead I travelled the world on cruise ships….lived in Australia, Maldives and Cayman Islands….I did get married once but that was short lived I felt like a caged animal, although he was the love of my life I could not settle. Now I have my own business I go on holidays and do my own thing…my attitude is …if I meet someone and it is mean’t to be then so be it…but if not thats ok…I am very strong and independent…..I have done the Turkish thing quite recently…but when he started asking for money then he had to go!!

      • Nat says

        Good on you Tracy – Got your email and sent a reply.

  2. Dee Gee says

    I think what you wrote so eloquently goes a long way to dispelling the myths that surround single women. I think your are incredibly brave and insightful. What you did took an amazing amount of strength and I look forward to following your adventure. All the best, Deb

  3. Jacqui says

    Only you know if you have made the right decision. The most important thing from now on in is that you find peace within yourself and are happy in your life, be it single or sharing it with someone special. Take care, be safe. Jacs

  4. Judy says

    You so obviously have the will and determination be your be your own person and are able to go it alone and survive. From reading your posts you have behaved very well and very sensibly. I wish you well for the future. You will survive. :)

  5. says

    You can’t commit if there is nobody there to commit to. It’s not your fault he’s not there. Stay strong, stay open to what comes along. Perhaps, if he comes along in 5 years time and if you are still open, uncommitted, there might be something there that you can start with.
    So much easier for you as the facts are so clear. For me, I still have my husband around. After 35 years together it’s a habit that’s hard to break. But his heart is with someone else and I am trying to regain some sort of independent spirit.
    You could help. I love to camp on my own, just to chill and relax. Not on commercial sites, just in a corner of a meadow or in a forest or beside some wild river. Can you suggest somewhere (easy to find from Didim)?

    • says

      35 years with someone is certainly a lot different than my relationships Deri. I hope you get it sorted one way or the other. The two places that spring to mind for camping are Orman and Dilek. Have you tried them?
      Natalie wrote about..Ahmet the Coppersmith from Beypazari

  6. Breda says

    Go girl. The single life is great. I am a single forty something, reared a child,very much looking forward to phase 2 of my life, wherever it takes me. By the way you know the phrase plenty of fish. Well they could not be more plentiful where you are. Enjoy LOL.

  7. Linda Brown says

    Hi Nat there is nothing wrong in being a single woman …… of any age ….. I’ve been single for nearly 13 years and do not regret making the decision to break free from my marriage. You are a strong beautiful woman with a wonderful future before you, so take your courage and determination in both hands and conquer the world.

    And remember Nat, before you can truly love someone, you have to love yourself ….. be kind to yourself Honey, and rejoice in being YOU!!!!

  8. says

    Hi Natalie, I came across part 1 of this story and just needed to find out what happened in part 2. Good on ya for moving on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to stay single. Some women want to be single by choice. Others may not have found the right man to be with and so they stay single rather than just “settling with someone to get married and have children”. You are a beautiful woman, Natalie. Stay strong and travel on! :)
    Mzuri wrote about..Five lessons we learned from our travelers

    • says

      Thank you Mzuri – quite enjoying my alone time. It has done me the world of good

  9. Alp says

    Hello Natalie
    I liked your blog and posts. there are many useful information. so thank you. I dont know how long u been living in Türkiye but you seem quite knowledgable, experienced about life and culture of Türkiye. You probably met many jerks who are actually kurdish hidden beneath turkish identity. I guess that you can’t distinguish them yet. I dont know maybe your ex-bf is a kurdish as well. I wanna indicate that cuz I m really uncomfortable with many complaints from my foreign friends too. we turks know how these malicious men behave to tourists and most of the criminal events committed by these kurdish people in Türkiye. So I hope u notice and pay more attention to this discrepancy in your posts.
    All the best for you

    • Nat says

      Hi Alp, thanks for commenting and glad you like my posts but confused what you mean by discrepancies. Can you point them out?

  10. golden hills says

    You had to think about this? He killed someone. He has anger management issues. It was a fight over money – even worse!
    I came of age in the free love era, lucky me, before AIDS. I love the “friends with benefits” concept introduced by a younger generation. I’ve been married twice, I have no children. Have you heard of “urban tribes”? Many of us make a different kind of family now. You will love being “alone” and independent more and more as you get older. I wouldn’t want to be young again for anything. Wait and see, just take care of your health.

    • says

      Thanks Golden Hills – he is long out of the picture now. I woke up and saw sense!

  11. Jeaneth says

    I’ve read through both letters… It must have been really hard to take a blow like this!
    Your answer is just right. There was no future to look forward to with a man who ended up being a part of such violent episode.
    I do admire your bravery and your stoicism.
    One thing that caught my attention in the first letter is that the quick spark and the ‘together forever’, ‘my first and my last’ lines seem to be a trademark of Turkish men. Should I be concerned that this is more of a Casanova strategy or can I believe that my Turkish lover does feel this way for me? I’m concerned now, because I do fall in the ‘big bottom Latina’ category… don’t want to know that is all that could be generating my long-distance boyfriend’s interest.

    • Nat says

      No need for concern but take it with a pinch of salt and then just let developments take their natural course until you receive more signs, that he is serious or just playing you. PS – you mention long distance. If it is one of these Internet romances then definitely take it with a pinch of salt.

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