Readers, if you missed part one, you can catch up with what has happened here. The short version is that I received a love letter from an ex-boyfriend who is currently behind bars.
I had no intention of waiting for him or visiting him in prison but was undecided on what my response should be. After many draft versions, I finally wrote a heart-felt letter back. As normal, names or very private information have been omitted.
Turkish Love Letters – Part Two
I received your letter last week and read it repeatedly. You wrote that I had captivated you, since the first day we met and you wanted me to be the only woman in your life.
Yes, there was a mutual attraction between us. Something special happened.
Do you remember everything? Every little detail. I do
The strong emotions when we looked at each other. When you held my hand, it felt like it was on fire. We were so close. Every morning we woke up, I looked at you, and you kissed me with intense passion. I was so happy but you took my body and soul, then broke them.
When you left, your friend told me everything but I didn’t believe a word. I thought it was a cruel joke. I still rang your telephone every day. I waited morning and night, for you to text me. When I knew your story to be true, I asked everyone how I could see you but they assured me you would soon be back.
“Do not worry” they said.
Then your brother told me the bad news. That your sentence was five long years. I cried. Again and again. Strong tears caused by you and no-one else.
Do you know that crying is not as easy as forgetting? Believe me, this is true.
I needed to forget you and I did. I wanted the easy way out of the terrible situation, we found ourselves in.
Now your letter has come and I remember those moments again.
But you are not here with me.
Can I look into your eyes? No
Can you hear me when I cry? No
Can you touch me? No
I do not look at your photograph anymore. My memories with you can never be relived. Surely, you must understand that. They are the past, not the future.
I am sorry but I cannot come to see you. Losing you was not easy on my heart. Please understand. Just one bad incident and the brick walls of a prison were enough to separate us. For this reason, I have to believe that we were never meant to be together.
I will be your friend if you want. I will write to you while you are in prison but please do not ask any more than this from me. I cannot give it to you
Readers’ comments on the Turkish Love Letter-Part One, asked me to consider many aspects regarding my Turkish Romeo and his request for me to be part of his life.
- What kind of future would we have?
- Does he have a jealous and angry personality that I might see in the future?
They were all very good points, but only one thought kept popping into my mind.
At this time in my life, I am expressing a deep need to be alone. Don’t get me wrong. I am not retreating into the corner to lick my wounds while sobbing over my Turkish lover.
Far from it. Over the last year, I discovered that when a series of bad events happen over a short period of time, the human mind has a remarkable reaction.
With me, I feel empowered. I feel strong enough to tackle life as a single female. With the knowledge that I have already been to hell and back, I feel ready to embrace my independent nature, need for solitary confinement and quirky habits.
Growing up, the values of Western society often caused me to make many mistakes. Society deemed that if I were not married by 30 with at least two kids, then I was a freak of nature. The woman who would become a spinster surrounded by cats.
The culture traditions of Turkey just enforced this hideously incorrect stereotype even more.
A woman cannot survive by herself.
She needs a man to protect her.
While all the time, I knew this statement to be wrong, I was so desperate to fit in with society and made choices that conflicted with my personality. It is time now though, to embrace my core beliefs.
- I do not want children
- I do not want someone to crowd my personal space
- I do not need a male figure to live my life successfully
If any man does manage to become a permanent fixture, it will be because I want him in my life, not because I need him.
Does it matter if society views me as a freak for wishing to live my life alone?
Yes, it does matter to me but the need to pursue my own happiness and self-contentment is far greater and I think the rewards will be even richer.
Readers Question : How do you feel about cultural stereotypes of older single women?
I really shouldn't travel because I can not read maps and always lose my way! But hey, that never stops me and it is part of the fun! Leave a comment below to join the discussions.