I like helping people when possible. I often receive questions about travel in Turkey via Facebook and email. A lot of the time though, people ask the questions on Google and the mighty search engine displays my site as a possible source for answers.
All the search terms that bring people to my site are displayed in my Google analytics account that I review monthly.
This morning while looking at them, I was seriously baffled by a few questions and had to wonder if some people are putting just a little too much faith in the power of the internet.
At the same time, I have to wonder about the sanity of these people and whether they should be supervised when using the internet. Perhaps they should have their passports taken away from them because the thought of them traveling out into the big wide world just scares me!
As always though, I do not want to disappoint my readers so here are the stupid questions and my answers.
Stupid Questions People Ask Google and My Answers
Answer : The best person to answer this might actually be your wife
Answer : He likes cats and the appropriate social response is to scare the shit out of him by barking back like a dog.
Answer : My crystal ball is undergoing its yearly MOT at the moment, however come back after the new year with a photograph of the man in question and 1000 UK pounds and then I will gladly answer your question for you.
Answer : Total guess but I think they may be called supermarket workers
Answer : Only if you are a lesbian
Answer : I don’t like to comment on things that I have no experience of but I feel you should put this idea on a backburner for now.
Answer : Not impressed. Show me someone that could draw a turkey using nothing but their genitalia and then you have my attention
Answer : I am guessing now but I think there could be a number of outcomes..
1 – Orgasms
2 – Sexually transmitted diseases
3 – Pregnancy
If both of you manage to achieve all three of the above, congratulations you have scored a hat trick!
Answer : No, employing Turkish people in Turkey is strictly forbidden and if caught, you will face life imprisonment.
Answer : Do the same as the locals. Get your mobile phone out and order a pizza delivery while waiting for the ambulance to come.
Answer : All the women were abducted by aliens in 1947. The current population of 79 million men is reproducing by impregnating extremely stupid women from other countries. This issue is currently being discussed by the UN as “unacceptable”.
Answer : Your Turk has ulterior motives. Please see the above question and direct all your complaints to the UN.
Answer : Are you old enough to be reading my blog?
Answer : China. They are only called Turkish rugs to cover up the fact that they were made in sweatshops using child labour.
Answer : Please finish your question. I am intrigued now.
Answer : The fact that you are using Google to decide the future of your baby actually makes me fear for the man’s safety and not yours
Answer : The Canadians know nothing! Call the Syrians instead.
Answer : Since you can not ask the man that you love, I am assuming that you are a bunny boiling stalker and I do not wish to assist you in any illegal activities. Please step away from the computer and seek the help of a medical expert.
Answer : They spontaneously burst into flames. If you intend to give pork to a Turk, please have a fire extinguisher close by.
Answer : Your history teacher needs sacking
Answer : Burnt nipples
Answer : Depends on the size of your assets. Big ones are subject to a small fine because they are pleasing on the eye. While small tits are considered an eyesore and you need a hefty bank balance to buy your way out of that one.
Answer : That question applies to men all over the globe. If you ever do find the answer, bottle it and sell it because you will be rich
Answer : No, anyone caught wearing an engagement ring is publicly flogged and then burnt at the stake.
Answer : Your mother never told you about the “Birds and the Bees” did she?
Answer : No, they are all celibate and any woman encouraging sexual behaviour is considered to be a whore sent by the devil to test their purity.
Answer : I don’t know whether to respect your innocence or slap you twice around the face for stupidity. He is a man!! It does not matter if he is a Turk, when you put “man” and “sex” in the same sentence, “very soon” means yesterday!
Answer : Generalising is such as bad personality trait but in response to your last question, here is a video of the world’s tallest man who is a Turk.
Readers question : Did you think any of these were actually valid and sane questions?
I really shouldn't travel because I can not read maps and always lose my way! But hey, that never stops me and it is part of the fun! Leave a comment below to join the discussions.