28 Stupid Questions People Asked Google

I like helping people when possible. I often receive questions about travel in Turkey via Facebook and email. A lot of the time though, people ask the questions on Google and the mighty search engine displays my site as a possible source for answers.

All the search terms that bring  people to my site are displayed in my Google analytics account that I review monthly.

This morning while looking at them, I was seriously baffled by a few questions and had to wonder if some people are putting just a little too much faith in the power of the internet.

At the same time, I have to wonder about the sanity of these people and whether they should be supervised when using the internet. Perhaps they should have their passports taken away from them because the thought of them traveling out into the big wide world just scares me!

As always though, I do not want to disappoint my readers so here are the stupid questions and my answers.

Stupid Questions People Ask Google and My Answers

wife beach naked

Answer : The best person to answer this might actually be your wife

cat noises

Answer : He likes cats and the appropriate social response is to scare the shit out of him by barking back like a dog.

Cyprus holiday
Answer : My crystal ball is undergoing its yearly MOT at the moment, however come back after the new year with a photograph of the man in question and 1000 UK pounds and then I will gladly answer your question for you.

workers

Answer : Total guess but I think they may be called supermarket workers

Bad idea

Answer : Only if you are a lesbian

Living in syria

Answer : I don’t like to comment on things that I have no experience of but I feel  you should put this idea on a backburner for now.

draw a turkey

Answer : Not impressed. Show me someone that could draw a turkey using nothing but their genitalia and then you have my attention

Turkish man and english women

Answer : I am guessing now but I think there could be a number of outcomes..

1 – Orgasms

2 – Sexually transmitted diseases

3 – Pregnancy

If both of you manage to achieve all three of the above, congratulations you have scored a hat trick!

Employment

Answer : No, employing Turkish people in Turkey is strictly forbidden and if caught, you will face life imprisonment.

Hit by car

Answer : Do the same as the locals. Get your mobile phone out and order a pizza delivery while waiting for the ambulance to come.

no women in turkey

Answer : All the women were abducted by aliens in 1947. The current population of 79 million men is reproducing by impregnating extremely stupid women from other countries. This issue is currently being discussed by the UN as “unacceptable”.

pregnant

Answer : Your Turk has ulterior motives. Please see the above question and direct all your complaints to the UN.

who lives with santa claus

Answer : Are you old enough to be reading my blog?

Turkish rugs

Answer : China. They are only called Turkish rugs to cover up the fact that they were made in sweatshops using child labour.

big

Answer : Please finish your question. I am  intrigued now.

bad idea baby

Answer : The fact that you are using Google to decide the future of your baby actually makes me fear for the man’s safety and not yours

is turkey safe

Answer : The Canadians know nothing! Call the Syrians instead.

man i love

Answer : Since you can not ask the man that you love, I am assuming that you are a bunny boiling stalker and I do not wish to assist you in any illegal activities. Please step away from the computer and seek the help of a medical expert.

pork

Answer : They spontaneously burst into flames. If you intend to give pork to a Turk, please have a fire extinguisher close by.

Santa

Answer : Your history teacher needs sacking

sunabthing

Answer : Burnt nipples

taking top off

Answer : Depends on the size of your assets. Big ones are subject to a small fine because they are pleasing on the eye. While small tits are considered an eyesore and you need a hefty bank balance to buy your way out of that one.

Turkish men

Answer : That question applies to men all over the globe. If you ever do find the answer, bottle it and sell it because you will be rich

Engagement ring

Answer : No, anyone caught wearing an engagement ring is publicly flogged and then burnt at the stake.

turkish men come from

Answer : Your mother never told you about the “Birds and the Bees” did she?

will I...

Answer : No, they are all celibate and any woman encouraging sexual behaviour is considered to be a whore sent by the devil to test their purity.

want sex soon

Answer : I don’t know whether to respect your innocence or slap you twice around the face for stupidity. He is a man!! It does not matter if he is a Turk, when you put “man” and “sex” in the same sentence, “very soon” means yesterday!

Finally…

Last but not least

Answer : Generalising is such as bad personality trait  but in response to your last question, here is a video of the world’s tallest man who is a Turk.

Readers question : Did you think any of these were actually valid and sane questions?

Contact me..

Natalie

Hi. My name is Natalie Sayin and I am the author of The Turkish Travel Blog. I am an Internet addict with a passion for history. Read my story here or leave a comment below to join the discussions.
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Comments

  1. sharyn minehan says

    ohhhh,nat,what can isay..i am just about having an incontinant attack….if the the questions werent funny,then the hell your answers were.lol.,,you should wright a comedy blog…i can hardly type for laughin’..would a Turkish man want sex?..I think the classic is…where do Turkish men come from..hhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa,,,oh man!!!what happpen s if a Turk eats pork…oh Really ,your bloody answer Nat…keep it coming ,best thing ive read in a long time..lolllllllllll.

  2. says

    How funny! Sounds like there are a lot of people out there interested in having sex with Turkish men. I suppose that’s good news for them!

    Reminds me of the time someone came to my blog via the search term “arab butt cheeks.” I can assure you there are no Arab butt cheeks on my site! (As far as I know!)
    Jill wrote about..A Christmas Recap

  3. says

    This is hilarious! And yes, the fact that people ask such things scares me to no end.

  4. ... says

    Funny questions and yes people would ask them.

  5. says

    Unbelievable. Shared some of the best ones with hubby, who nearly choked on his coffee. Discussions about stupidity are a regular occurrence in this household, but some of these pushed human stupidity to a new low.

    In relation to the question ‘what will you do if you have this big’ – I have seen ‘big’ used by people for whom English is a second language as if it were a synonym for ‘penis’. Strange but true. So that question may actually be complete!
    Ciara Ballintyne wrote about.."The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey": A Film Review

    • says

      Hi Caira, thanks for commenting but I hope your husband had a good laugh while he was choking!!. I have never heard of the synonym for penis. Still a strange question and absolutely positive, I could not answer that!
      Natalie wrote about..8 Things I Love about City Breaks in Istanbul

  6. says

    This is hilarious! I wonder what these people were thinking when asking Google such question… probably not much :)

  7. says

    It’s not often I laugh out loud (why isn’t there an abbreviation for that?) when reading anything online, but this was different class. The questions were funny enough, but your responses are inspired. Brilliant stuff, Natalie. Thank you for the laughter.
    Roy @ Thaizer wrote about..Jet Ski Scams

    • says

      Glad you enjoyed Barbara – hope you have a good new year as well

    • Nat says

      So it is only my readers that are crazy Lisa!

  8. says

    Hilarious! I’m always curious about some of the questions that I get in analytics too! It’s so freakin funny to think that folks are actually looking for this info and that they are going to take actions based on someone’s opinion.

    You should write a few articles answering those questions. I bet others want to know the answers! LOL! ;-)
    Michaela wrote about..No, Travel Won’t Make You Happy

  9. niyazi says

    Natalie, you made me laugh out loud, thank you very much. Few years ago I read on news blog that, if you write “why the turk” on google search, then the google completes the sentence as “why do turkish people add me on facebook”, because this was one the most frequent question asked on google about turks too :)

  10. says

    OMG, hahahahaha. Thank you for the laughs today! But come on, is “Will a Turkish man want sex very soon?” really a stupid question? ;)

  11. Heather says

    I just laughed so hard I nearly suffocated… Thank you for posting the idiotic questions (and their quite literal answers).

  12. Chris says

    Love it Natalie! Love the questions. But I love the answers more!

    • Nat says

      Thank you. I was in one of those moods when I wrote it!

  13. Steve Elliot says

    Nat….with a sense of humour like yours, I hope that one day when I am in Turkey (Marmaris mainly), I could meet up with you and buy you an Efes, Raki, or a Nescafe…..I think you are tremendous. Keep up the fantastic work you do please!

    • Nat says

      Thank you Steve, always up for an efes or two

  14. Rikhia says

    I have just one question….. “Why are some people so stupid?” :D

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