Why I Need Alcohol When Booking a Flight Ticket

Flight travelCircumstances dictate that in two months, I must return briefly to the “Dear old Blighty”. The small and dark Island floating in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The island that provokes doom and gloom memories of miserable people who are incapable of muttering good morning without moaning about their daily lives and the poor performance of their government.  Where am I talking about? England.

I do not want to return but needs must be and this forced me into looking at flight tickets online. Now, all over the world, flight tickets are booked in the thousands every day of the week. However four hours after commencing my search, I had still not booked a flight ticket and I had consumed enough beer that would have put my  alcoholic granddaddy to shame.

A number of factors have changed massively during the years of my self-imposed exile from the UK and the simple process of booking a flight ticket made me turn to the demon drink for seven simple reasons

I Hate Flying

At some point over the years, I developed an intense hatred for flight travel. The amount of time that was spent sitting around in airport lounges, making mad dashes to the luggage carousels and enduring the false smiles of the stewardess, made me believe that I would rather pull my toe nails out with eyebrow pluckers than sit on an airplane for four hours.

Expensive Flight Tickets Blamed on the Fuel Crisis

Explanation for the high price of flight tickets is given to us in the form of a fuel crisis.  Now that Colonel Kaddafi has given up his fleet of private jets, can we expect to see improvements in the price of fuel very soon? I don’t think we should hold our breath. The thing is,  I am not an expert at how fuel gets traded around the world but I do think something is odd here. Come back and tell me there is a fuel crisis when private jets are made illegal and families are limited to one vehicle per household, no matter how rich they are.

Fuel Crisis

Competition

Flight travel is based on the competition. Last month, when one small operator went bankrupt, the two major airlines companies that were operating the same routes put their prices up drastically overnight. This makes me believe that somewhere in the world is a Jacuzzi full of fat, hairy CEOs rubbing their hands together while smoking Cuban cigars and laughing at how the average commoner on the streets is being ripped off left, right and centre because it is all perfectly legal!

Check-in baggage is NOT included in the flight price!

WTF! When was that blatant and obvious form of daylight robbery introduced?  How many people book a flight from Turkey to the UK or vice versa and do not check in with luggage?  I can tell you, absolutely nobody.  Checking in baggage for two people costs an extra 30 euros. Praise the lord that I do not have a family like the Walton’s. At this point, the fourth bottle of beer was consumed and I opened the fifth.

Extra leg room

Now let’s quote the airline. They say…

“Extra legroom. Great for tall people or people who just want to stretch out during the flight”

My translation…

“We herd you into an airplane like sheep for four hours and if you want 4 to 5 extra inches of space to stretch your legs, you will damn well pay for the luxury”

The cost is 35,00 euros! I could buy 25 bottles of beer for that price or even feed myself for five days with 35, 00 Euros.  All the extras at this point are starting to add up and the original expensive flight quote is starting to look like false advertising.

carbon taxCarbon Tax

So apparently included in the price of the flight ticket is Carbon tax. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for saving the earth and conserving our planet but does anyone actually know what is being done with the money that is made from this tax?

All over the world, countries are jumping onto the carbon tax bandwagon generating thousands or maybe millions in extra money throughout the period of a year. What a shame none of us actually knows how it is being spent!

Years of Mistrust

I have done many jobs in the past, of which one was selling flight tickets.  I obliged as the companies instructed me to charge innocent customers, 25 pounds just to replace a ticket made of paper.  I could never answer why people got charged for excess baggage but they never got money back if they were underweight on their luggage.  Fair enough, the flight industry has changed now but the mistrust is still there and always will be.

My Conclusion About Booking Flight Tickets

Take into account all of the above and the fact that I hate the UK with an intense passion. I hope you understand my desire to turn to the demon drink when buying a flight ticket.

Now, I never need a lot of persuasion to crack open a bottle of beer however my non-drinking Muslim husband does like to see me sober on some occasions so he has taken over the task of finding flight tickets that we can afford.

However if you read a story,  two months later about the crazy woman who tried to row across the Mediterranean in a dingy boat, than that will be me!

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Natalie

Hi. My name is Natalie Sayin and I am the author of The Turkish Travel Blog. I am an eccentric,Internet addict with a passion for history.

I really shouldn't travel because I can not read maps and always lose my way! But hey, that never stops me and it is part of the fun! Leave a comment below to join the discussions.
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Comments

  1. says

    Whoever said ‘getting there is half the fun’ never experienced a trans-Atlantic flight scrunched in a middle seat between two chatty human bovine; never enjoyed the pre-flight foreplay of ‘enhanced screening’ or spent hours having the back of their chair mistaken for a soccer ball.

    Completely agree, getting there, or at least flying there, blows.

    P.S. Sobriety is overrated.
    Brian @ Wanderings wrote about..Summer Rocks

  2. says

    just think of those poor Libyans who, under Gadaffi used to get free education, free health care, free housing, cheap petrol, 35,000 euros when they got married – now the West has brought them democracy and they can get robbed blind like the rest of us! (In case you’re wondering, I don’t think Gadaffi is a nice chap – just better than Obama, Cameron et al) I f I had all those things I wouldn’t begrudge my local dictator his private jet(s). What we need is a Real Revolution – and on and on and on :-)
    Alan fenn wrote about..Driving The ‘Evil-Doers’ Out Of Paradise

  3. says

    I hate flying too, for all those reasons. One time, we decided to come back to Turkey by land and it was so much more relaxing. You missed out all the ridiculous security measures we now have to go through just in case we’re terrorists. Ufff, we need to go back to the UK for a little visit and keep putting it off. Good luck!
    Julia
    Turkey’s For Life wrote about..Fethiye Entertainment: Live Rock Music

  4. says

    I HATE being charged for luggage! I sort of…sort of understand on cheapo airlines like ryan air or air asia…. but when national airlines start doing it, it pisses me off! Apparently Air Canada started charging for luggage… RIDICULOUS!! Especially when my tax dollars bailed them out when they were going bankrupt! Ok.ok…sorry for the rant!
    Jade Johnston wrote about..Best And Worst of Canada

  5. says

    Flying is just so boring. I wished I could be beamed from place to place. We’re having a splendid time in Blighty catching up with family and old friends. I must say, as much as I love Turkey, I’m thoroughly enjoying the civilised driving, general politeness and personal space.
    Jack Scott wrote about..London Calling

  6. phil + Di marina gateway says

    welcome to my world .x

    • says

      The extra fees are in my opinion daylight robbery Gillian.

    • says

      Seems like airlines all over the world are cashing in on the extras Ted.

  7. Lisa says

    For us it’s 30 hours (usually a 5 hr wait in Chicago) with two connections and a 30 minute drive on one end and a 90 minute drive on the other to get door to door with children. And so expensive too.

  8. says

    Lisa, that is such a long way to come. With children as well. Not sure that i would be able to handle that.
    Natalie wrote about..Welcome to Cirali

  9. David Race says

    We did it by train a couple of years ago and made a holiday of it.
    We visited Amsterdam, Vienna, Budapest and Bucharest it cost about twice as much as flying but was worth it just to avoid the aggravation of flying and to be able to see places you can never see from 38,000 feet.

  10. says

    I used to love flying, but after an awful experience last year I now absolutely detest it. I had to book an emergency flight back to the UK, so rather than booking online my hubby arranged it through an agent. Unknown to us, the agent, for what reason I don’t know, listed my nationality as Afghanistan. On arrival at Antalya airport to check in, there was extra security. My passport was taken, examined, photographed, then I was asked for my Turkish ID card and my driving licence. This all took place in front of the check in desk and I was worried they weren’t going to let me through. Already highly stressed as the reason for my speedy return was that my mother lay dying in hospital, I finally got to check in. I went through the police check with no problems but again at the gate the same private security company was there checking all the boarding passes. After scrutinizing it I was waved through. Just as I was settling into my seat, the same security is marching down the plane towards me demanding to see my boarding pass. At this point I lost it and looked like a crazy woman throwing my bag around, crying and getting a lot of stares and all because he had forgotten to rip the extra piece of my boarding pass off. The woman next to me commented after that she though I was a terrorist the way the man had been marching towards me. So I have decided never to travel alone without hubby on a plane again. Thanks for listening to my rant, been meaning to get this of my chest for a long time but am no real writer like you. Love all your posts :)
    Tina Ozturk wrote about..Vegetable Samosa

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