Circumstances dictate that in two months, I must return briefly to the “Dear old Blighty”. The small and dark Island floating in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The island that provokes doom and gloom memories of miserable people who are incapable of muttering good morning without moaning about their daily lives and the poor performance of their government. Where am I talking about? England.
I do not want to return but needs must be and this forced me into looking at flight tickets online. Now, all over the world, flight tickets are booked in the thousands every day of the week. However four hours after commencing my search, I had still not booked a flight ticket and I had consumed enough beer that would have put my alcoholic granddaddy to shame.
A number of factors have changed massively during the years of my self-imposed exile from the UK and the simple process of booking a flight ticket made me turn to the demon drink for seven simple reasons
I Hate Flying
At some point over the years, I developed an intense hatred for flight travel. The amount of time that was spent sitting around in airport lounges, making mad dashes to the luggage carousels and enduring the false smiles of the stewardess, made me believe that I would rather pull my toe nails out with eyebrow pluckers than sit on an airplane for four hours.
Expensive Flight Tickets Blamed on the Fuel Crisis
Explanation for the high price of flight tickets is given to us in the form of a fuel crisis. Now that Colonel Kaddafi has given up his fleet of private jets, can we expect to see improvements in the price of fuel very soon? I don’t think we should hold our breath. The thing is, I am not an expert at how fuel gets traded around the world but I do think something is odd here. Come back and tell me there is a fuel crisis when private jets are made illegal and families are limited to one vehicle per household, no matter how rich they are.
Flight travel is based on the competition. Last month, when one small operator went bankrupt, the two major airlines companies that were operating the same routes put their prices up drastically overnight. This makes me believe that somewhere in the world is a Jacuzzi full of fat, hairy CEOs rubbing their hands together while smoking Cuban cigars and laughing at how the average commoner on the streets is being ripped off left, right and centre because it is all perfectly legal!
Check-in baggage is NOT included in the flight price!
WTF! When was that blatant and obvious form of daylight robbery introduced? How many people book a flight from Turkey to the UK or vice versa and do not check in with luggage? I can tell you, absolutely nobody. Checking in baggage for two people costs an extra 30 euros. Praise the lord that I do not have a family like the Walton’s. At this point, the fourth bottle of beer was consumed and I opened the fifth.
Extra leg room
Now let’s quote the airline. They say…
“Extra legroom. Great for tall people or people who just want to stretch out during the flight”
“We herd you into an airplane like sheep for four hours and if you want 4 to 5 extra inches of space to stretch your legs, you will damn well pay for the luxury”
The cost is 35,00 euros! I could buy 25 bottles of beer for that price or even feed myself for five days with 35, 00 Euros. All the extras at this point are starting to add up and the original expensive flight quote is starting to look like false advertising.
So apparently included in the price of the flight ticket is Carbon tax. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for saving the earth and conserving our planet but does anyone actually know what is being done with the money that is made from this tax?
All over the world, countries are jumping onto the carbon tax bandwagon generating thousands or maybe millions in extra money throughout the period of a year. What a shame none of us actually knows how it is being spent!
Years of Mistrust
I have done many jobs in the past, of which one was selling flight tickets. I obliged as the companies instructed me to charge innocent customers, 25 pounds just to replace a ticket made of paper. I could never answer why people got charged for excess baggage but they never got money back if they were underweight on their luggage. Fair enough, the flight industry has changed now but the mistrust is still there and always will be.
My Conclusion About Booking Flight Tickets
Take into account all of the above and the fact that I hate the UK with an intense passion. I hope you understand my desire to turn to the demon drink when buying a flight ticket.
Now, I never need a lot of persuasion to crack open a bottle of beer however my non-drinking Muslim husband does like to see me sober on some occasions so he has taken over the task of finding flight tickets that we can afford.
However if you read a story, two months later about the crazy woman who tried to row across the Mediterranean in a dingy boat, than that will be me!